Etiquette

I don't want people who are going to purposefully cause drama or problems at my wedding

Now thinking about it, drama causing people are where I really want to throw etiquette out the window, if there's someone that I'm worried about going out of their way to cause drama and problems on what's supposed to be my future husband and my special day, they don't get an invite or they get un-invited. In the end this is the bride and groom's day, and they should be able to feel 100% comfortable with everyone who attends. I know we are supposed to also invite SOs to the wedding but what if one of your guests is with your ex and he really mistreated you in the past? I don't think I'd be comfortable with that. I just want to just vent on how I feel about being TOO polite and showing TOO much ettiquette. If you are invited, it means that you are an important part of our lives or important to our guests, so therefore as a sign of respect to the couple getting married, behave and show respect and class. There are certain people I really don't want to invite because they did not support me and my fiance being together in the begining, now all of a sudden their attitudes change now that I have a ring on my finger? Those people who were unsupportive of the relationship I don't want there, even if they did invite me to their weddings. I'm thinking of specific people btw. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm sorry but I believe that bad behavior or rudenss shouldn't be rewarded with an invite.You can't treat people certain ways and expect them to kiss your butt and invite you to your wedding. I think I would talk to specific people and explain how they hurt me, but if they don't care screw them

Re: I don't want people who are going to purposefully cause drama or problems at my wedding

  • I just don't fully understand why you're friends with people you'd be embarrassed to invite to an event? 
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  • In Response to I don't want people who are going to purposefully cause drama or problems at my wedding:
    Now thinking about it, drama causing people are where I really want to throw etiquette out the window, if there's someone that I'm worried about going out of their way to cause drama and problems on what's supposed to be my future husband and my special day, they don't get an invite or they get un-invited. In the end this is the bride and groom's day, and they should be able to feel 100% comfortable with everyone who attends.

     I know we are supposed to also invite SOs to the wedding but what if one of your guests is with your ex and he really mistreated you in the past? I don't think I'd be comfortable with that. I just want to just vent on how I feel about being TOO polite and showing TOO much ettiquette. If you are invited, it means that you are an important part of our lives or important to our guests, so therefore as a sign of respect to the couple getting married, behave and show respect and class.

    There are certain people I really don't want to invite because they did not support me and my fiance being together in the begining, now all of a sudden their attitudes change now that I have a ring on my finger? Those people who were unsupportive of the relationship I don't want there, even if they did invite me to their weddings. I'm thinking of specific people btw. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm sorry but I believe that bad behavior or rudenss shouldn't be rewarded with an invite.

    You can't treat people certain ways and expect them to kiss your butt and invite you to your wedding. I think I would talk to specific people and explain how they hurt me, but if they don't care screw them
    Posted by Amyzen83

    First, I added paragraphs so that was easier to read.  Paragraphs are your friend.

    Second, if these people treated you so poorly, why are you still friends with them at all? 
  • What was the purpose of this post? Just to tell us that you don't care about etiquette when it comes to your crappy friends?
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 2013
    You're not wrong to feel the way you do.  Feel whatever you want.  However, being the bigger person is always the best road to take.  Follow etiquette, invite them, and be a gracious host.
  • I am also confused as to the purpose of this post. It seems like you have made up your mind and are not actually seeking input/advice. I have a younger cousin I do not get along too well with, but I am inviting him because his parents and his little sister are very important to me, and that family is a package deal. I trust my family members to deal with him if he drinks too much.

    I understand not wanting an ex who mistreated you there, but I think that means you leave the friend you is dating him off the invite list as well. I agree with PP who said your attitude might be the source of some of this drama. You catch more flies with honey, honey.
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  • bridalmarchbridalmarch
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited February 2013
    How long have you and FI been together? There are plenty of people who thought FI and I were just another fling when we got together (hell, I sort of thought that) and as our relationship deepened and changed, so did people's attitude towards it. If someone was STILL against our relationship, I doubt they would get a wedding invite, or that they would still be a large part of our lives. FI have been together for almost 4 years though. I certainly wouldn't still harp on something someone said about my new BF 4 years ago, especially if they continued to be a  good friend of mine. Move on and grow up. 
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  • I'm also a bit confused by this post.... Are you seeking advice or just venting?

    Whatever the case, you don't need to invite anyone to your wedding that you don't want there. If the people you're referring to treated you poorly and didn't previously support your relationship then you have plenty of cause not to want them there. Especially your ex... who is dating your friend??? Some friend. I would leave them off the guest list entirely. 

    Do yourself a favor, limit your guest list to an intimate circle of your dearest family and closest friends and leave it at that. And while you're at it... try to relax, enjoy your engagement and look forward your wedding. Let go of all your anger and don't concern yourself with those people that you obviously don't have any interest in socializing with anyway. Move on.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    If you don't want to invite these people, then don't invite them...or their SOs.

    If you've already invited them or indicate that they will be invited in some way, unfortunately you're stuck and have to follow through with invitations.
  • Woah didn't realize how harsh that sounds... Sorry just blowing off some steam, these "People" are not friends, they are people who attend mutual social setting, and a few gave me a lot of grief when I started dating my fi, and we've been together wonderfully for almost 2 years. 

    They were against us because he doesn't have the same faith and that was something both me and him discussed and he's been nothing but supportive. When I told a few friends, they treated me like I knew nothing about relationships, this one friend in particular and to make things worse, she "forgot that I was in a relationship" and talked about fixing me up with her friends. The few times we do see each other, the first thing she does is repremand me because I didn't notice her hair or if I forgot to greet her. I know she's going to get super upset and hostile because she and her husban will not be receiving an invite.

    Then I've had an issue with this woman, that I don't want to be too specific about in case she happens to read this and put two and two together

    Anyway, as for the post, I didn't mean for it to sound bitchy or hostile or aggressive, immature whatever... but I primarily just wanted to see how others would view this. I have really strong opinions about when "ettiquite" is needed and sometimes I believe there are exceptions. I would never NOT invite someone's SO without voicing my concerns, and try to see what can be done to remedy the situation. Anyway sorry for the hostility, just really hurt with how people have treated me and do not want to have to see these people on our day...
  • In Response to Re: I don't want people who are going to purposefully cause drama or problems at my wedding:
    Woah didn't realize how harsh that sounds... Sorry just blowing off some steam, these "People" are not friends, they are people who attend mutual social setting, and a few gave me a lot of grief when I started dating my fi, and we've been together wonderfully for almost 2 years.  They were against us because he doesn't have the same faith and that was something both me and him discussed and he's been nothing but supportive. When I told a few friends, they treated me like I knew nothing about relationships, this one friend in particular and to make things worse, she "forgot that I was in a relationship" and talked about fixing me up with her friends. The few times we do see each other, the first thing she does is repremand me because I didn't notice her hair or if I forgot to greet her. I know she's going to get super upset and hostile because she and her husban will not be receiving an invite. Then I've had an issue with this woman, that I don't want to be too specific about in case she happens to read this and put two and two together Anyway, as for the post, I didn't mean for it to sound bitchy or hostile or aggressive, immature whatever... but I primarily just wanted to see how others would view this. I have really strong opinions about when "ettiquite" is needed and sometimes I believe there are exceptions. I would never NOT invite someone's SO without voicing my concerns, and try to see what can be done to remedy the situation. Anyway sorry for the hostility, just really hurt with how people have treated me and do not want to have to see these people on our day...
    Posted by Amyzen83

    To the bolded, lots of people do this. If a friend is close enough, he or she is going to feel comfortable telling you how they feel about your new relationship. Like a PP said, you're going to need to grow up and get over this. My FI is my high school boyfriend's best friend. We got a lot of crap when we first hooked up. I don't hold it against them, I get it. I've said similar things to my close friends about their new boyfriends.

    I don't mean to be offiensive, but you sound immature and like you hold a grudge just for the sake of holding a grudge. Drama thrives on drama. Don't let it get to you and it won't. 

  • Oh irony, how I love you sometimes....
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  • Honestly, I have the same kind of problem, however, just invite them within etiquitte if you absolutly have to. If you geniuenly dont like them, dont waste statonery on them. You will either not see them at all or for a max, 5 minuets. Dont give people so much power over you or your wedding.
  • "I don't mean to be offiensive, but you sound immature and like you hold a grudge just for the sake of holding a grudge."

    There's more to that particular situation w certain people than I choose to publicly post... but trust me when I say I have good reasons for why I don't want or need them in my life.

    Some of the stuff in the initial post were more hypothetical because I was reading some posts from people in far worse situations than my own and they are forced to have to invite people who have treated them terribly because either a friend of the SO is in the wedding or some kind of family member, things like people causing fights, saying or doing really innapropriate things etc. and I felt like I should play devils advocate for those people. Personally I'm glad my problems arent' as extreme, but I used a few personal examples of how I plan to cut drama at my own wedding.  I am not immature, and I don't hold grudges, but at the same time I can choose how close I remain to some people and whether some bridges aren't worth keeping. I merely think it's rediculous to invite people to a wedding if they are known for causing havac and causing nightmarish problems.
  • In Response to I don't want people who are going to purposefully cause drama or problems at my wedding:
    Now thinking about it, drama causing people are where I really want to throw etiquette out the window, if there's someone that I'm worried about going out of their way to cause drama and problems on what's supposed to be my future husband and my special day, they don't get an invite or they get un-invited. In the end this is the bride and groom's day, and they should be able to feel 100% comfortable with everyone who attends. I know we are supposed to also invite SOs to the wedding but what if one of your guests is with your ex and he really mistreated you in the past? I don't think I'd be comfortable with that. I just want to just vent on how I feel about being TOO polite and showing TOO much ettiquette. If you are invited, it means that you are an important part of our lives or important to our guests, so therefore as a sign of respect to the couple getting married, behave and show respect and class. There are certain people I really don't want to invite because they did not support me and my fiance being together in the begining, now all of a sudden their attitudes change now that I have a ring on my finger? Those people who were unsupportive of the relationship I don't want there, even if they did invite me to their weddings. I'm thinking of specific people btw. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm sorry but I believe that bad behavior or rudenss shouldn't be rewarded with an invite.You can't treat people certain ways and expect them to kiss your butt and invite you to your wedding. I think I would talk to specific people and explain how they hurt me, but if they don't care screw them
    Posted by Amyzen83

    I know how it feels to not want to invite people because they cause issues, but unfortunately that is not good "etiquette" to un-invite them. Just don't send them an invite in the first place. The confusing part is when it comes to family, there are a bunch of people I don't want to invite, but I have to. Why? Because they are family or soon-to-become family. So, you can either be a pushy bride, and only invite the people you want, no matter if it is proper etiquette or not. OR you could realize that you are going to be so busy on your wedding day, you are not going to even know they are there in the first place! :)

    ~Soon to become Mrs. O'Kane!~
  • Congratulations future  "Mrs. O'Kane", family is tough because they are going to definately be a part of your life. It's one thing to exclude friends and aquaintences but family is tough... I agree that once an invitation is sent, you can't take it back, and I wouldn't do that no matter how much I'd want to. Thankfully it's still way too early for us to send out invites anyway. To answer your dilemma, I guess it depends on how much to you forsee them being a large part of your lives? How often do you all corespond? If you feel the need to invite them, then you probubly should. And your right that you are going to be too busy that day to even care about who ends up showing up. I just hope that whatever you decide, you have no regrets and everything will go smoothly for you!
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