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B**** of a MOH

MeganBMMeganBM member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Moms and Maids
So today we are going dress shopping for my mom.  My MOH who is also my sister keeps saying that she wants to be home by 2pm so she can hang out with her boyfriend that she is living with.  She doesnt work the weekends unlike my mom and I. I am completely fed up with my MOH giving me deadlines of when we have to be done a task that is not benefitting her.  She is annoyedThe whole way through she has been uncooperative, and I have been bending for her.  For the BM dresses she told us that she could only do it on a certain day after 3 pm- which was a sunday, she could care less that one of the girls had to drive an hr and a half to get there and back.  If I approach her about the issue that she is being selfish she says I am a b**** and just wont help with anything then ( not that she does anyway.  This is the same one that assumed the role of MOH and got in a physical fight with me over me wanting to "talk about the wedding too much".  I wont even bring up anything about the wedding around her because I know how she gets.  Besides that, It is my moms day to get a dress and she should have all the time she needs.  How do I confront this issue?!   I won't dare ask her to do anything ( I have been doing everything by myself) because I have flash backs of the fight we had.  I am even afraid to ask my other girls for help.   Even trying to find places that are open on a sunday she wasnt even willing to help try and find anything in the area for my mom- she told me to call around.
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Re: B**** of a MOH

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    leave her home.  Why on earth does she need to be with you for this?  make this a day for you and your mom.

    Expect nothing more of your sister than to show up and wear the right dress. Those are her actual responsibilities.  Why is everyone bending over for her schedule? You seriously inconvenienced one of your BM's on a Sunday because of this.  Sounds to me like she has always been this way and everyone has always accomodated her.

    From here on out if she can't make it to something because of her schedule demands just say "sorry you can't make it.  See you later."  She has no other responsibilities here unless she volunteers for them.  sounds to me like you are better off if she doesn't!
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto kmm.  Stop making your sister come on WR outing with you.  And if you talk about the wedding so much that she got in a physical fight with you, then you'd be better off not talking about the wedding at all.

    Let her know what dress she needs to get and leave it at that.
    Planning Bio
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-of-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:34a40f59-577e-4f8a-86ac-f803a0628afdPost:e4fbc85d-0968-4884-b80e-d16788a3a89f">B**** of a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]So today we are going dress shopping for my mom.  My MOH who is also my sister keeps saying that she wants to be home by 2pm so she can hang out with her boyfriend that she is living with.  She doesnt work the weekends unlike my mom and I. I am completely fed up with my MOH giving me deadlines of when we have to be done a task that is not benefitting her.  She is annoyedThe whole way through she has been uncooperative, and I have been bending for her.  For the BM dresses she told us that she could only do it on a certain day after 3 pm- which was a sunday, she could care less that one of the girls had to drive an hr and a half to get there and back.  If I approach her about the issue that she is being selfish she says I am a b**** and just wont help with anything then ( not that she does anyway.  This is the same one that assumed the role of MOH and got in a physical fight with me over me wanting to "talk about the wedding too much".  I wont even bring up anything about the wedding around her because I know how she gets.  Besides that, It is my moms day to get a dress and she should have all the time she needs.  How do I confront this issue?!   I won't dare ask her to do anything ( I have been doing everything by myself) because I have flash backs of the fight we had.  I am even afraid to ask my other girls for help.   Even trying to find places that are open on a sunday she wasnt even willing to help try and find anything in the area for my mom- she told me to call around.
    Posted by MeganBM[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The other PP gave good suggestions. </div><div>
    </div><div>Don't talk about the wedding at all to her, if you have her budget for the dress (make sure you get it if you dont) find a dress and then tell her when and where to get it. That's it, you shouldn't have any more troubles with her. 
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Your other BMs can offer their help to you, just don't talk about it with your sister when they do. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • MeganBMMeganBM member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why should she even have the title if she is not being supportive-  She doesnt deserve it.  if people ask who my MOH is I am certainly not proud to say its my sister.  I was going to get her a " bigger gift" for the wedding for being my MOH- scratch that.
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-of-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:34a40f59-577e-4f8a-86ac-f803a0628afdPost:b090c762-aaa6-4bc1-9b6b-c15a79319c4f">Re: B**** of a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why should she even have the title if she is not being supportive-  She doesnt deserve it.  if people ask who my MOH is I am certainly not proud to say its my sister.  I was going to get her a " bigger gift" for the wedding for being my MOH- scratch that.
    Posted by MeganBM[/QUOTE]
    Because being MOH isn't about how much she can do for you, it's supposed to be about your relationship with the person.

    If you want to "demote" your sister, be my guest.  But just think about how this will effect your family long-term.

    And I'd like to point out that your BMs and MOH aren't required to do anything for your wedding.  They need to get a dress and show up, everything else is voluntary and you shouldn't ask them to do anything for you.

    Edit - basing gifts on how much your BMs are doing for you (or not doing for you) is petty.  It's not supposed to be a competition.
    Planning Bio
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-of-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:34a40f59-577e-4f8a-86ac-f803a0628afdPost:b090c762-aaa6-4bc1-9b6b-c15a79319c4f">Re: B**** of a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why should she even have the title if she is not being supportive-  She doesnt deserve it.  if people ask who my MOH is I am certainly not proud to say its my sister.  I was going to get her a " bigger gift" for the wedding for being my MOH- scratch that.
    Posted by MeganBM[/QUOTE]

    <div>Maid of Honor is a <strong>title </strong>for the Bride's closest relationship, there is no job desciption to it. She might not be supporting you in helping you plan or do wedding stuff, but she doesn't have too. I know she is being difficult but you just have to roll with it. She isn't interested, does not want to be involve for whatever reason and you should respect it and move on. Talk to people who ask and are interested in it. For whatever reason you gave her the title and you definitely can't take it back without starting A LOT of drama and making yourself look bad.</div><div>
    </div><div>WP gifts should be aways be as equal price wise as possible. No need to give "bigger" gift just because a title or what they do for you. </div>
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Have her drive separately and let her leave when she wants.  The day is about your mom and what she needs and wants.  I cannot imagine trying to shop for anything, even groceries, with bickering siblings.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your sister is your MOH. That means she will buy her dress, show up on time for your wedding, stand beside you during the ceremony to hold your flowers and rings and she might sign your marriage certificate. Those are her only duties. Anything else she volunteers to do is extra.

    Why are you bringing her to shop for your mom's dress? Tell her she doesn't have to go and you and your mom can take your time and enjoy the day.
                       
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, but the whole tone of your post makes you sound like a:




    But good luck to you and your sister!
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • blush64blush64 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think your sister should have to go to help your mom pick out a dress. Your mom should be able to do that on her own and if she needs help I am sure she will find some.

    If your sister has her dress don't ask her to do anything until it's the day of the wedding. She can show up and stand with you and have fun.

    It doesn't sound as though you like your sister very much. Did you actually ask her to be in your wedding party? You said she assumed the role, did she just tell you she would be the MOH? I am sorry you are having a hard time with this. Just stop all wedding talk with her, see her on the day and have a good time.

    I am really close to my family and I couldn't imagine not having them in my wedding but I haven't actually asked them to do anything. They are picking their own dress and showing up. I haven't asked them for help with anything, I come on here, go to a friend at work who just planned her wedding and loves to talk about it or talk to my FI. Try to relax and let it go. Just get the help you need from your FI or look online, a lot of questions can be answered there.

    I hope things calm down for you.
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  • nannewmurnannewmur member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you are doing everything yourself, why are you including her in these things?  It is not her wedding and all the MOH has to do is show up in the dress you want and stand up by you in the ceremony.

    You have enough going on and don't need additional stress.  Do it yourself and don't mention your plans to her and you will cut down on this drama.
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  • HippinhipsterHippinhipster member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My sister is the exact same way and also assumed the MOH role. Needless to say I will not be letting her go with when I take my mom dress shopping she ruined the whole day when we went for me try on dresses and I ended up having to take her separate from my other BMs to try on their dresses because no one wanted her drama. Just tell her you're only going with your mother and you want it to be a special day with her! Hold strong to that too don't cave in when she starts complaining about it (sadly that's what I always end up doing) Don't let her ruin this special time for you and your mom
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  • KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]leave her home. make this a day for you and your mom.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
    Ditto this.
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  • KateG528KateG528 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-of-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:34a40f59-577e-4f8a-86ac-f803a0628afdPost:c0ddae01-c252-49e0-9635-d061b122c25b">Re: B**** of a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry, but the whole tone of your post makes you sound like a: But good luck to you and your sister!
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Can I get an AMEN.</div>
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  • kellyb1487kellyb1487
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_b-of-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:34a40f59-577e-4f8a-86ac-f803a0628afdPost:70c0ef38-b7e9-4378-ab44-005d728526cc">Re: B**** of a MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B**** of a MOH : Can I get an AMEN.
    Posted by KateG528[/QUOTE]

    AMEN!!!
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