Do Tuxes and BBQ go together?

Basin · April 2010

I am hosting my stepdaughter's wedding in July 2011. She has found a beautiful venue in Meredith, NH on Lake Winnipesaukee. The ballroom is very elegant with crystal chandeliers but she has chosen to serve hot dogs, hamburgers and BBQ chicken. If you were a guest at her wedding, and you came from out of town, shelled out $310+ per night (2 night minimum), how would you feel about being fed this menu?

jonchrissy · April 2010

I'm guessing you're talking about Church Landing... which is very beautiful and elegant. There were no dates available when FI and I looked...anyway, would she compromise and have the rehersal dinner be at the towndocks and have that menu? I would be a little put off eating hamburgs and hot dogs at such a formal venue.

lizziemoopsc · April 2010

I wouldn't "mind" per se; I like a good burger, but I would probably be a little surprised given the formality of the event.

Is there any way she could do gourmet bbq? There are some awesome "fancy" burgers our there, and you could really dress up the sides, or even how it's served. HTH!

bbyckes · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_tuxes-bbq-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:731a0a4e-8769-42b6-9312-60b6e05b06f1Post:65ab557a-3f5a-4049-a3ea-83d44c679fba">Re: Do Tuxes and BBQ go together?</a>:
[QUOTE] I would be a little put off eating hamburgs and hot dogs at such a formal venue.
Posted by jonchrissy[/QUOTE]

This. I'd definitely raise an eyebrow to this. As a guest, you'd be appreciative of anything offered, but I'd still question this.

Basin · April 2010

Ok, just called the event coordinator at Church Landing and she said they only put that on the menu as an option for the rehearsal dinner. Phew! She said the bride could still order it because technically it is on the menu, but NO ONE ever orders it and I've instructed her to discourage her.

lizziemoopsc · April 2010

I'm not trying to be offensive or snarky, but... Shouldn't you discuss this with your stepdaughter instead of instructing the coordinator to discourage it?

I'd be furious if my parents went behind my back to discourage/change my plans, to the point that I would refuse any financial help since it would be clear they would be making all the decisions, not my FI and me. Now, if we all talked about it together, and they explained why they wanted this choice over another, I'd be much more likely to listen and compromise.

Just food for thought.

lalatrina · April 2010

I agree, do discuss this w/ your stepdaughter before you make any changes... however if I were a guest and that was the menu, I would be a lil confused given the setting of the wedding... if she is stuck on bbq, presentation is everything and probably try to jazz it up a lill bit so it doesn't look like a backyard bbq

anf05f · April 2010

If this is her and her husbands Wedding....Are the guest the most inportant? Honestly I think it's time for you to ask her why she wants BBQ at a nice venue. It might be a personality thing.

Basin · April 2010

I have absolutely spoken to both the bride & groom about their reasoning. It's not a personality thing -- It's a money thing. I am not making any decisions. All the final decisions will be hers but as I said the wedding coordinator indicated that no one ever selects the BBQ option for their reception. It is on the menu as a rehearsal dinner option and I thought if she heard that from the coordinator she would be more likely to believe it than if she heard it from me.

schroead · April 2010

I would be very surprised to be served that food, and a little scared to eat it wearing such nice formal clothes. However, it is the couples day and if hamburgers and BBQ are their thing...then I would be completely okay with it. You never want a couple to compromise who they are for formality/standards.

SusieQ1981 · April 2010

Just out of curiousity if it's a cost issue, then why are they selecting such a formal (and most likely expensive) venue? We're serving bbq at our reception, but it's an outdoor, casual event, too, so it fits the feel of our day.

JoeyOz · April 2010

Well, if you're hosting the wedding (paying) then you do have a say in it and while it's nice that your SD is trying to be considerate about cost, tell her not to worry about the $$ and pay for the nicer food selection.

Assuming that's what you mean by hosting. If you're not paying, then it's really up to them what to serve and if they stick within their budget then good for them. Although yes, I would find it weird to dress up for the event and then be served a burger.

pavingtheroad · April 2010

I think the BBQ chicken is fine but the hot dogs and hamburgers are a little informal. If you were to do hamburgers make sure you dress them up a little fancier with the sides that go with them. Hot dogs I would definitly skip on unless maybe kids will be there

AHorton84 · April 2010

If she likes the idea of BBQ, I've seen some people do that type of food, in fun little mini-sizes for the cocktail hour. A good caterer will know how to make it fun and not seem like a backyard bbq. That might be a good compromise.

khornack · April 2010

I won't lie, I would be confused and judge if I were served hot dogs at a very formal venue. (I've never actually eaten a hot dog, they weird me out.) Outdoor more casual place, I can see BBQ being served.

Since you say you are hosting, (I assume you mean paying) you do get a say. Like others have said, talk to your step-daughter and suggest something more elegant while still keeping an eye on the budget.

ExpatPumpkin · April 2010

Sorry, but I don't think the two go together... Especially when it's a formal venue and you're asking people to travel and stay the night in a resort area. Those circumstances raise the bar. Good luck

ShaunajRN · April 2010

I agree with lizzie... is there anyway you can make a BBQ seem not so, cheap? Cause you're right, i'd be a little put off it I spent that much money and it was obvious they skimped on the food. Unfortunately food is one of the main things people remember about a wedding reception and shouldn't be a place to make cut-backs.

felkels · April 2010

Okay, my wedding will be atleast semi-formal, in a beautiful chapel, with all the traditional stuff (minus the fact my dress is short), and we are having a bbq reception...but there is a difference between just regular burgers and dogs, and something that can have a touch more elegance. The reception is outdoors, rented tent, chairs tables etc, but for one with decor, we are still having table clothes to the floor, and actual china dishes. We have a vintage picnic theme, and are trying for a throw back to a 1950s block party...where everyone just gets togheter, plays croquette and horse shoes, and just has a layed back time. Food will be BBQ, but not burgers and dogs...We are probably going to have beef brisket and bbq chicken. We are going to do the throw back, but sticking to our theme does not mean we have to go tacky on food... honestly my FH would LOVE doing burgers and dogs, but there is no way that is happening! Let them have their BBQ reception, just see if they are open to making the food just a little more exciting. I know if I traveled and spent as much money as you were saying, I would be a bit put off by regular, every day burgers and dogs.

AHorton84 · April 2010

I LOVE your reception idea felkels!

burlzgurl · April 2010

Yikes... for such a pricey and extravagant venue I would be shocked as a guest that I was being served hot dogs, hamburgers and BBQ chicken. Is this a family reunion or a wedding?
I think a lot of the guests will steer away from the BBQ chicken due to the chance of mess.
I would definitely try to steer her towards something more appropriate for the venue. I am shocked that they offer this.

angela72023 · April 2010

I have seen mini hotdogs, mini hamburgers, mac-n-cheese, fries, gourmet style, at a formal reception where all the food was comfort food during the cocktail hour, it was done very tastefully and presented in such a fun way that no one thought twice about it. That would be the only way I think it would be ok to have food like that at a formal venue. If they are set on comfort food, have it done with class and not looking like a backyard birthday party.
Is she trying to cut back on food costs because there is something else in her budget she is going way overboard on? If you are paying, can you up the budget enough to cover the food upgrade? Even if you are paying, it is their day, and trying to get the venue to voice your opinion is not cool. Be honest with her and try to compromise, but going behind her back may make her even more intent on having the backyard food.

graysquirrel · April 2010

To be very honest I think that the menu is out of place. While I agree with the idea that a couple should be able to choose whatever they like for their wedding, I think that BBQ at a formal reception crosses the line. I would be upset if something spilled, and would honestly balk at being served hot dogs and hamburgers in a ballroom. I am all about saving money, but the setting and fare repel like oil and water in my mind.

melissamc2 · April 2010

I wouldn't do it, and I'd probably mock it a bit to close friends if I attended one that did it, but ultimately I don't think it's the worst thing possible. I wouldn't be as worried about getting something on me as others seem to be because, well, ANY food has the potential of ending up on you (as does wine) and I'm confident enough in my eating skills to get it in my mouth on the first try when really putting effort into it.

Aside from you just not really like the idea, I'm looking a little more into it and thinking that perhaps she just wants to go for shock value or make an attempt at the current trend of more "down home" comfort food type items at receptions.

I agree with others that your covert operation of asking the event planner to discourage it was a bit out of line and bad romantic comedy-esque. I'd just ask why she wants that, if they both agree on it, and if they are willing to accept that some people may be snarky about it. In the end, guests are lucky to be given anything, much less a full meal at a beautiful location. If they don't like it, they can hit up anywhere they want the next evening and pay for it themselves.

kaesha · April 2010

I think there's a lot to be said for presentation.

Do Tuxes and BBQ go together?

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