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the ex?

runningmarerunningmare member
First Comment
in 40-Plus Brides
I posted this here because I'm an older bride and I've been to the rodeo twice (and am divorced 2x). I have two teenagers, one from each marriage who are very happy with my choice to get married again. My delimma is this...

Do I really have to or how do I "notify" my ex's after I elope? One is still angry so I try to just deal with him when we need to discuss our child. The other has a long term girlfriend and probably doesn't even care, so why bother?

My opinion is that I've talked to my kids and they are fine with it and I don't want it to seem like I'm rubbing it in to my ex's. What do you think?
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Re: the ex?

  • Blackcat1915Blackcat1915 member
    First Comment
    Honestly I wouldn't tell either one of them formally. I think they will get the picture when the kids attend your wedding. They are exes for a reason and unless it has to do with the kids, why deal with them at all
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  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    First Comment
    In your case, I see no reason you need to "notify" either of your exes about your personal life unless it conflicts with the custody arrangement the two of you have.  Since getting re-married does not fall into that category unless you are moving out of state or the country, you can keep it to yourself.

    Best wishes on your new marriage!
    Anniversary
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Go with what you know.  Unless your divorce or custody agreement states you must notify the ex when your marital status changes, don't worry about it.  Best of luck!
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm in agreement with the others--if you don't have to do it to comply with divorce or custody agreements, there's no need to do it.  I infomed my ex, but that's because we were friends and not partners for years before the marriage ended. 

    Also, there's a Second Weddings board for those of us who've been into town once or twice (or more) before.  It's under the special topics boards, to the left. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • kikirst33kikirst33 member
    First Comment
    The only concern I would voice is how your exs might respond to the news if they were told by your kids and not you?  If you think it would cause any grief for your kids then I think you need to find some way of leting th exs know.

    If you don't feel this would cause any emotional distress or anger to your kids then no need to tell the exs.
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  • CascadiaCascadia
    First Comment
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_the-ex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:0b6755de-aca8-4d9a-8876-6ac8ab501877Post:cafb29ec-2dec-4e92-b2ab-532ecd031d4d">the ex?</a>:<div>If you are on polite speaking terms -- just keep the information short and simple.  If polite speaking terms are not an option -- just keep the information short and simple.  When your divorce was finalized - the terms were part of the divorce.  End of story.  You have children with your ex --- you'll need to keep him informed of any changes that pertain to the children.  </div><div>My ex is a wonderful person, a fine father, and has met my fiance.  The respect each other.  No harsh words or hard feelings.  The wounds have healed.  I'd be shocked if my ex didn't wish me and my fiance the best.  </div><div>However, I have heard of ex's who don't deserve to be told the time of day!!  You and your groom should focus on having a grand wedding.  </div><div>
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    [QUOTE]I posted this here because I'm an older bride and I've been to the rodeo twice (and am divorced 2x). I have two teenagers, one from each marriage who are very happy with my choice to get married again. My delimma is this... Do I really have to or how do I "notify" my ex's after I elope? One is still angry so I try to just deal with him when we need to discuss our child. The other has a long term girlfriend and probably doesn't even care, so why bother? My opinion is that I've talked to my kids and they are fine with it and I don't want it to seem like I'm rubbing it in to my ex's. What do you think?
    Posted by runningmare[/QUOTE]

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  • choochhill2587choochhill2587 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I was on the opposite end, I found out my ex got married from my daughter.  It really bothered me, maybe because of the fact that my children didnt even know he got married until they got back from eloping and the fact that we had only been divorced a few months.   If you dont feel like telling them in person, you can alway shoot them an email and just let them know.   I did that when I told him that my fiance and I were having a baby.  I just wanted it to come from me and not the kids.  
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  • bostonstylistabostonstylista member
    First Comment
    I wouldn't say a word.
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