Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Showers should not make you cry unhappy tears.

I just need to vent and maybe get some un-biased advice. Origonaly my MOH was going to host my bridal shower and my bachelorette party.My mom then offered to host the bridal shower which I'm grateful for. Since then she has made me feel like a burden that she even has to do it.I know she has taken on a lot since offering,such as raising my cousin's child because she chooses not to. I've offered several times to help with the prep work as my shower is this weekend. I've offered to clean house, work on the yard and even tried to assist in planning the shower itself and playing gofer. My FSMIL has offered to help set up so has my BM and MOH and my grandmother. She has turned all of down and then complains that the shower is this weekend and has nothing done for it. I've tried and tried to offer help and she turns me down then complains she can't get anything done.I want to cancel the shower but she demands that I'm there and we go on with it. Any suggestions?

Re: Bridal Showers should not make you cry unhappy tears.

  • Leenie10Leenie10 member
    First Comment
    edited July 2012
    Hi,
    I know it must be painful to listen to because I have a relative who does the same thing. She volunteers and then acts like a control freak and a martyr about it. Some people get so caught up in their whining & complaining that it becomes a part of them and they don't realize how the negativity affects others.
    It may be that your Mom is a bit overwhelmed, but at the same time does not want to accept help in order to be able to tell everyone/take the credit for the wonderful thing she is doing for her daughter. My suggestion is to try to grin and bear it, and be grateful that your Mom is able to participate in planning events leading up to your big day. Some of us have Mom's who are not physically able to help. Good luck.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Start off with something like this,"Mom, I'm worried about you.  You are overwhelmed about the shower and you have  had several offers for help that you have turned down.  I know you have a lot more on your plate now with cousin's child but I'm worried about you.  Why won't you accept the help that has been offered?  What can I do to help you?"

    If she is the martyr type (every family has one) then is this her normal self?  If not, you have reached out to open up some communication.  Good luck.
  • Sadly this is her normal. I've seen her start a project,like a coffee/donut table at church,and when things dont go the way she wanted them to and people don't reaction the way she feel they should she either blows up or walks away from the project.sometimes both.She is actually making me feel like a villian for even getting married at all. Like I'm the bad guy.she is stressing more over the shower then I have over the entire wedding.
  • I'm sorry this is going so poorly for you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-showers-should-not-make-you-cry-unhappy-tears?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:b02da5f6-b9f6-4a81-a731-36713dbe364dPost:a5f18e4d-5e5d-4b1a-ae6e-8982a3217402">Re: Bridal Showers should not make you cry unhappy tears.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sadly this is her normal. I've seen her start a project,like a coffee/donut table at church,and when things dont go the way she wanted them to and people don't reaction the way she feel they should she either blows up or walks away from the project.sometimes both.She is actually making me feel like a villian for even getting married at all. Like I'm the bad guy.she is stressing more over the shower then I have over the entire wedding.
    Posted by guardiangel6386[/QUOTE]


    This sounds very familiar, I am going through this with both my mom (wedding shower) and FMIL (rehearsal dinner)   :)
    If this is her normal, unfortunately there is little you can do about it. I am trying to take my own advice and not worry too much about the events, as in the end we can't control other people's behaviour, it doesn't have to reflect on us, and if people do judge you for your mom's moodiness then THEY are the jerks. Just try to enjoy your day(s) as much as possible, while letting your mom know your offers to help still stand<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
  • Oh and do not, DO NOT under any circumstances allow her to make you feel guilty because SHE OFFERED to throw you a party
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