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MOG is getting on my nerves about the shower

Pumpkin_PrincessPumpkin_Princess
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in Moms and Maids

My sister is getting married by a JP in August and then having a picnic/BBQ reception. My sister was really disappointed that she wasn't going to have a bridal shower because she was going to the JP, so I offered to throw her a small sprinkle with 10-15 of her closest friends and family (people that I knew would not be offended that they can't go to the actual wedding ceremony). The guestlist included MOG, his grandmother, MOB, 5 of her closest friends, and an aunt in each side. I specifically asked the bride and groom if there was anyone else that they really wanted to have there, and they both said no. Now the MOG is upset because I'm not inviting every aunt, cousin, and whoever else that would be invited to a huge formal wedding. I was very clear about how many people I could accommodate, and I'm the only one paying for it.

I'll also add that MOG never offered to pay for anything even when my sister and FBIL were going to have a small formal wedding at a local B&B. Instead, MOG threw a fit because she would have to drive 45min to get there. Apparently, it was too inconvenient. I'm not saying that she has to offer to pay, but if she's not then she needs to stop making demands about inviting more people.

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Re: MOG is getting on my nerves about the shower

  • pink34562000pink34562000 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    It's so nice of you to throw a shower for your sister; however, you can only afford what you are able to afford. Your sister will be so happy that you thought about her.

    As for the MOG, she is more than welcomed to host a second shower, so her family and friends could attend. It's not that uncommon for brides to have one than one shower especially if both sides have large families. (From your post, it doesn't seem like the MOG would.) You can always mention it to her in a nice way if the topic is brought up. 

    Don't feel bullied into stretching your budget, and don't let any negativity ruin your fun day that you have planned for your sister. Just focus on your sister's happiness.
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  • mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    That is nice of you to do that for your sister!  If the MOG bugs you again, tell her she is welcome to host a shower, but that this one of for primarily the bride's family and it's not in your budget to host many more people.  
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  • Pumpkin_PrincessPumpkin_Princess
    First Comment
    Thanks, ladies! I'm just so frustrated. It was supposed to just be a nice little gesture for my sister and it's turning into a family feud. I'm going to try to tell her nicely, but I just don't want to cause any problems for my sister and FBIL (I get the impression that she would hold it against them).
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  • Pinkstarshine1Pinkstarshine1 member
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    Sheesh, that's pretty nervy.  As you said, she is not obligated to chip in for the party, but if she isn't going to help out with it financially, she has no right to complain and moan about you not inviting every single living relative.  It is a very nice gesture for you to do that for your sister and don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you can or can't handle financially. 

    Make sure you just tell her that you really cannot handle paying for anymore than 10-15 people because you are the only one covering it.  Tell her that it has nothing to do with wanting to exclude people, and that it is just a matter of finances.  Don't let someone be rude and plant things in your head that make you feel bad.  Be happy!  You know your sister will love it and you will not have to be stressed about money when you shouldn't have to be, so that's what counts!  Good luck!
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Well this is kind of an awkward situation b/c as you know it's not really etiquette appropriate to have a shower at all, so it's certainly not appropriate to invite dozens of people even if it was in your budget.

    Is MOG complaining to you? your sister? her son?  If she complains directly to you just try to be polite and firm and then change the subject quickly "I'm sorry MOG, that guest list is already set.  Wow this bean dip is great".  If she's complaining to the bride or her son then her son needs to put his foot down and tell her that HE and his bride were consulted on the guest list and everyone THEY want invited has been included. 

    I would NOT suggest she hold her own shower b/c it just makes your sister look gift-grabby. 

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