Regarding SSMT

cantabile730 · January 2010

Hey everyone! I have to say after a few days I feel a million times better. I was away for a few days with work, and coming back to see all of the back-and-forths has actually lightened my mood. Reading the banter has made me want to remove myself from the whole situation - and I'm moving forward with a different attitude!

cantabile730 · January 2010

To clarify, my family is very geographically dispersed, and I'm afraid people will only choose to come to one or the other. Especially with the economy, I feel that this puts an additional burden on our guests because anyone who comes will have to travel a fair distance and stay in a hotel. If it were only a few people I'd offer to pay for their hotel rooms, but I simply can't afford to house over 200 people. I don't want people to feel they need to bring gifts, and I know even if I say no gifts my family's going to feel that they should bring one anyway.

With the family being so spread out, I know we'll also have a joint bridal shower.

laurenclaire1386 · January 2010

Unless the heavens start to rumble when you walk down the aisle, there's no possible thunder for your sister to steal. Your mom sounds like she's got her head on straight. Perhaps you should take her advice and suck it up and deal.

Terri Bridelee · January 2010

See, I know knottie regs will say you get one day, but I'd be annoyed.

Is there a reason she's getting married that September, rather than after you?

Terri Bridelee · January 2010

Although crying every single day seems a bit overly dramatic to me.

sarah0725 · January 2010

Two of my male cousins who are the only two brothers in a family got married in the summer, one in June and the other in August, and nobody died. Both weddings were special, and the whole family traveled to both of them. Two months is plenty of gap time for relatives coming to the weddings.

Ten years later, they both announced their divorces a few months apart from each other, but try not to replicate that one.

We use the phrase "stealing my thunder" as a joke over on E so often that I'm always shocked when people actually use it seriously.

megk8oz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-stealing-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a86e14ca-ba71-4b76-b907-affd5227a580Post:6758d69e-a8a8-4d89-9f26-a5d8f1a9819f">Sister stealing my thunder</a>:
[QUOTE]My guy's in the military, and after three years of distance and discussing marriage, we got engaged this past fall. We were very careful not to plan the wedding too close to other big family events, including my sisters' college graduations in 2009 and 2011. Immediately after setting a date in November 2010, one of my sisters got engaged (also to a military guy) after being together less than a year. They're 22, by the way. I was initially surprised, but decided to let it go - until they told me they're getting married this September. When she told me, I honestly started crying on the phone, and to top it all off my mom reacted by screaming that I was being selfish and self-centered and that I had to learn that I was part of a family. She's never spoken like that to me before. Do I have a right to be upset? I wouldn't have dreamt of planning a wedding for two months before my sister's. I know first-hand the difficulties of a military relationship, but my sister is so young that I don't see what the rush is. As it is, my fiance's brother is getting married around the same time as us. It really feels like I'll never have my special time as a bride. I do want to feel happy for my own sister, and this situation puts me in a moral dilemma because I feel bad about feeling bad. On top of that, I work 80 hours a week (not of my choosing), and I barely have time to plan my own wedding, much less help my sister. I really don't want to let this get to me, but I have a permanent knot in my stomach and I've been crying every day. What hurts the most is that, after I waited and considered the whole family, my sister didn't have the same courtesy for me - and then I am the one getting accused of selfishness. Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation, and how did you move on? Even though I was stressed about planning around my fiance's deployment schedule, at least I was excited...now, I feel like my joy's been taken away.
Posted by cantabile730[/QUOTE]

Are you serious? You do know that you only get one day. And that your sister gets one day. You don't get weeks, months or a year.

The only way you'd be entitled to be this upset over it would be if you booked yours and then your sister went and booked hers for the exact same date and year as you.

And let us not forget the whole point of a wedding is to get married to somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with, not be the center of everybody's universe for the entire year leading up to it. If your "joy" is being taken away, you really need to re-evaluate your priorities, as the "joy" should be about marrying The One, not the "ZOMG! Look at me in my pretty dress!".

AdeleDazeem · January 2010

My sister got engaged two months after me and is getting married before me.

I am THRILLED for her. Whole heartedly.

Maybe it's because I don't think about weddings as "the bride's special day" but more of a family coming together. I gain a brother in law that day, my parent's gain a son in law, my sister gets a whole set of people who will support her. The same will be true on my own wedding day. It's not just about the bride all the time.

laurenclaire1386 · January 2010

It really feels like I'll never have my special time as a bride.

Just caught that. Yes, you will have your special time as a bride. On your wedding day. Your sister will have hers too. On her wedding day. How much more special time do you need? Really, an entire day where the focus is solely on you and your FI is enough.

mocha beans · January 2010

With a lot of OOT family, I can see this being a bummer. But, try and be supportive of your sister too. I'm sure she had her own reasons for choosing the date she did, all of which are just as valid as yours are.

Take a deep breath, step back, get some sleep, and try not to make any rash decisions or comments to people while you're stressed out with work.

baby green bird · January 2010

OP, I can't wrap my mind around the fact that you have actually been crying over this. If that is true, you are going to have a very difficult time in a marriage, and in life in general. Suck it up and put on your big girl panties.

ohwhynot · January 2010

Your wedding day will be very special - I promise you. As to your far-flung relatives, who cares if they can only come to one or the other? If they go to your sister's, you'll see them there and have more time to mingle/hang out then you will at your own wedding. Heck, that would mean you save on expenses as you won't have to pay for meals/drinks for all those relatives.

If it's not about the gifts, then it shouldn't bother if you if guests choose to attend one and not the other - right? If guests can't afford to fly out and hotel it twice (and I would guess many can't), that does NOT mean that they love whichever bride they chose more than they love the other one. It really, truly doesn't.

sarabellam · January 2010

If you are that worried that your OOT family will choose to come to her wedding rather than yours, better get those STD's out quickly. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe September was the month that worked best for your FBIL and his family? Last I checked, we are still a heliocentric planet. The solar system doesn't revolve around you, princess.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

You are not Thor. You have no thunder. No one can steal it.

You are a bride for one day. 2 months is a long time. You are just jealous that she is getting married before you. Get over yourself and try to be happy for your sister. Your initial reaction is understandable, but the fact that you are dwelling on it is selfish and self-sabotaging. YOU are the only one that can ruin your experience.

cantabile730 · January 2010

megk8oz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-stealing-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a86e14ca-ba71-4b76-b907-affd5227a580Post:e964d303-9410-411f-a9bf-f9e7bd792e33">Re: Sister stealing my thunder</a>:
[QUOTE]You are not Thor. You have no thunder. No one can steal it.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Sarah, have I told you lately that I love you?

redheadfsu · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-stealing-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a86e14ca-ba71-4b76-b907-affd5227a580Post:9368dc3f-194e-492b-861f-73e6ba8d934c">Re: Sister stealing my thunder</a>:
[QUOTE] I realize the wedding day itself is "one day," but having to do all of the wedding planning without my fiance around really brings home that there is a whole process and experience to planning a wedding that maybe you don't appreciate until you don't have it. Telling someone long distance "I chose where we're getting married" just isn't the same as picking it out together. We go months without seeing each other, and I worry about him all the time because I don't even know where he is, so If I weren't in it for love, I wouldn't still be in this relationship.
Posted by cantabile730[/QUOTE]

I agree that for OOT guests it stinks, but you are being very dramatic. Sounds like you are focused so much on the wedding, b/c of your relationship stress (him being gone). Breathe, the wedding will still be fine. Just focus on your marriage & not so much on the wedding, since it sounds like it is making you worry too much.

britne28 · January 2010

Get out the save the dates as soon as you can and hope for the best. Other than that it is 2 months apart, she didn't book with in a month like some people we read about.

aprovencher21 · January 2010

Seriously people.....some of you are so outright rude, unhelpful and tacky that I cannot stand it. Sure the original poster is being dramatic. This is the snarky bride board!! She's upset......and anyone who thinks a wedding is about just one day must be missing something. Planning a wedding is an experience usually shared with family and friends.....this is my special time with my fiance, mother, sister, cousins, etc. Just like sometime it'll be there time and the focus will solely be on them. I'd be seriously annoyed if my sister (though she's only 17 so I think I'd be upset for other reasons if this happened!!) got engaged and picked a wedding date 2 months before me. The point is the original poster really went out of her way to be thoughtful in terms of her wedding in regards to her family's feelings and needs.....clearly her sister didn't (or for some unknown reason) could not do the same. I thought these boards were supposed to be helpful and not nasty?? Some of you telling her to "put her big girl panties on" or that she isn't the god Thor must think so highly of yourselves that you don't think manners or class are all that valuable. While I don't agree with crying everynight over the situation etc. I think the OP has shown amazing maturity and class with dealing with some of your outrageous and nasty criticisms. Also, unless you yourself have a military significant other you have no idea what it's like to do long distance with the added weight of the military situation.....I can relate to her stress level there as well.....trying to minimizing it by discussing your normal long distance relationship in no way compares.

Blueyed228 · January 2010

Im sorry, but I completly agree with you. I would be more than pissed. If she had waited for 2 months AFTER your wedding that would be fine, but wtf is her problem? Why does she have to do it before you. That is super selfish of her and you should tell her how you feel. Tell her you are happy that she found someone but you are upset that she needed to plan it before yours.

megandjay · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-stealing-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a86e14ca-ba71-4b76-b907-affd5227a580Post:b7d4fbe4-91bb-4396-affb-a42ba78bd1d5">Re: Sister stealing my thunder</a>:
[QUOTE]Im sorry, but I completly agree with you. I would be more than pissed. If she had waited for 2 months AFTER your wedding that would be fine, but wtf is her problem? Why does she have to do it before you. That is super selfish of her and you should tell her how you feel. Tell her you are happy that she found someone but you are upset that she needed to plan it before yours.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

I agree with Blueyed! You should explain to your sister why you waited and how you feel. Otherwise your feelings will eat you up inside. I say- let it out!

krmabojo · January 2010

I do understand why you would be upset that she is getting married before you- now that I would be mad about. Maybe talk to her about it and tell her how you feel? Also I would not tell her much about your wedding details.

Also, as long as your wedding are not on the same day then there is nothing to worry about.

Then again, since they have been togteher for less that a year, it could end up not working out in the long run.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-stealing-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a86e14ca-ba71-4b76-b907-affd5227a580Post:ebe38bd7-3c4b-4756-882a-e4b4af9f3ac6">Re: Sister stealing my thunder</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously people.....some of you are so outright rude, unhelpful and tacky that I cannot stand it. Sure the original poster is being dramatic. This is the snarky bride board!! Posted by aprovencher21[/QUOTE]

Maybe you need to look up the definition of snarky. Wedding Woes, the board for whining and venting, is elsewhere. Snarky Brides are brides with attitudes. Blunt honesty resides here, and all puppies and rainbows were evicted long ago. Before TK made the change to this format, there were regulars on this board who were the snarkiest women you have ever met in your life. Be glad they aren't here now or you would have a self-esteem complex just from clicking on the board name.

<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snark">http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snark</a>
Get a clue!

aprovencher21 · January 2010

Thank you for the definition (eye roll and laughter)....though I'd warn that the best way to define something is not with an online dictionary. So by being snarky you have to be tacky? Immature? and Rude? Sorry but I wasn't expecting the rainbow and puppy board.....just a board with people who appear to have a level of maturity that it requires to get married and be an adult. I don't need anyone to help my self esteem.....pitiful classless individuals certainly wouldn't or couldn't harm me. Being a bitch to someone who needed some help and or understanding just illustrates a lack of someone's self confidence and need to be a bully......especially distasteful to do so on a chat board and then those same people are offended/defensive when someone calls them on their deplorable behavior.

aprovencher21 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-stealing-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a86e14ca-ba71-4b76-b907-affd5227a580Post:73442423-ff9f-4fd5-944b-eaa42d37bdd0">Re: Sister stealing my thunder</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister stealing my thunder : My intent was not to minimize the fact that her fiancee is overseas by comparing her relationship to my normal one, I'm minimizing her stressing about planning her wedding without her fiancee—I never denied that OP's fiancee being overseas was hard on her. My point was that plenty of time we get stuck planning weddings alone. That's just the way it goes—people aren't interested, friends and family half way across the world, other people are getting married, whatever the case there's always barriers to overcome. But it's still doable and it can still be fun if you let it. Maybe my last point was a little snarky but my point remains the same. She can't use the fact that her fiancee is overseas as a crutch to demand special attention for planning her wedding. OP, I think I lot of times before people get engaged or when people are newly engaged they have this overly romanticized idea about weddings and wedding planning and when their met with the reality of their situation, it's a bummer. Don't focus so much on the process of getting down the aisle, focus on what you want after the wedding. The reality is that your sister is getting married and your fiancce is overseas. But that's short term. Instead of agonizing over getting your "special" time as a bride, focus on what kind of wife you want to be to your husband and what you want for your future. That'll carry you much further than being recognized as a "bride-to-be" over the next few months. The sad truth is that no one will ever care as much about your wedding or the process especially as you do. Enjoy the attention that some people will offer you but don't be dissappointed when people treat you just like any other person.
Posted by kmacamac[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry I missed what you were trying to say with the long distance comparison. I get what you are saying with everyone have planning obstacles.....=) And yes wedding planning should be fun.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

Well, since snarky is more of a colloquialism then proper English, I thought I'd use a relative dictionary.

We are not classless. We are blunt. We told the OP that she was overreacting, which she was. WHile she may have consulted everyone while picking her date, perhaps her sister had other constraints. I imagine their fiances are not on the same deployment schedule. Also, her sister's fiance has a family that has their own scheduling needs as well.
Yes, OP can tell her sister she is disappointed, but the planning should be between OP and her FI. If he is deployed, then that makes it difficult, but that is not her sisters fault. Being mad at her sister accomplishes nothing but the perpetuation of animosity in their family. Its not a positve thing. Be disappointed for a minute, but don't blame all of your sadness on your sister, because she did not send your FI away. If OP continues to be depressed about something she can't change, then she only serves to keep herself depressed. If she gains another perspective, that its not that big of a deal and perhaps she and her sister can share some of hte planning experience if they want to, then she won't wallow in a situation that she can't change.

Bottom line, there is nothing OP can do to change the situation, except accept it and move on. SHe can choose to hate her sister forever or she can get over it. WHich one sounds more productive to you?

megk8oz · January 2010

For everybody that keeps saying "Oh her FI is in the miliatary, so it's ok that she's upset and her sister should understand, etc ...": if you actually read the original post, OP clearly states that her sister's FI is also in the military. Maybe, just maybe, her sister had reasons of her own for picking the date she did that weren't "Oh, I need to get married before my older sister and steal all her thunder". It's quite likely that her sister isn't doing this to intentionally spite her, but to have a wedding that's condusive to her and her FI's own needs within his schedule.

redheadfsu · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-stealing-thunder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a86e14ca-ba71-4b76-b907-affd5227a580Post:3a03da91-ecb1-4999-8cbb-00754186cd2f">Re: Sister stealing my thunder</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for the definition (eye roll and laughter)....though I'd warn that the best way to define something is not with an online dictionary. So by being snarky you have to be tacky? Immature? and Rude? Sorry but I wasn't expecting the rainbow and puppy board.....just a board with people who appear to have a level of maturity that it requires to get married and be an adult. I don't need anyone to help my self esteem.....pitiful classless individuals certainly wouldn't or couldn't harm me. Being a bitch to someone who needed some help and or understanding just illustrates a lack of someone's self confidence and need to be a bully......especially distasteful to do so on a chat board and then those same people are offended/defensive when someone calls them on their deplorable behavior.
Posted by aprovencher21[/QUOTE]

Sweetheart, please read the description of the board. "Members with attitude who are brutally honest with their opinions." But seriously, I understand wanting to defend someone. I understand bullying is bad & I have said so. But TK boards are not bad when you look at the majority of internet boards. Try Fark or typical boards. No one is bullying. People are just trying to bring someone back to reality (with snark) who appears to be more dramatic than necessary.

This board was Crazy Mean (by TK standards) before the switch, now not so much.

bowlerchick1705 · January 2010

The crying part yeah thats a lil dramatic, but i would be annoyed too like my lil sis when she found out iwas engaged try to setup a lie and everyone thought this kid her bf was going to propose and well some people believed her she herself wanted to believe it but i think it was because she was jealous...... so yeah i would be a little upset because same here its hard these days with money and stuff and for family to pay that much money two months in a row yeah that might cause some problems.......soooooo

kayak03 · January 2010

Calm down, or flip out, your choice. Grow up!

Is the world supposed to stop for a wedding a year out? You're planning a party that's all. My family is dealing with a similiar situation, with a bride that thinks everyones life should be on hold. My daughter was invited to be a bridemaid in both of the weddings, she purchased the dresses and bride number one then kicked her out of the wedding because she felt my daughter didn't have enough time to devote to her wedding (six months from now).

What are you going to do when the babies start coming?

kelle017 · January 2010

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 21/2 years and am still not engaged. My sister who is 4 years younger, got engaged after 9 months, and I was a little upset and jealous. Then she decided to plan her wedding for the day after my 25th birthday. Like I want to spend a big birthday watching my little sister prepare to get married before me. Not at all, but I talked to her, she's not changing her mind, and I'm going to have to suck it up, but I do get the fustration you feel.

Regarding SSMT

Re: Regarding SSMT

Choose Another Board

Search Boards