Future B/S In-Law annoyances

Re: Future B/S In-Law annoyances

• Simply Fated member

  

  December 2011

  You can't really learn to like someone if you just don't. I would continue working on tolerating them and focusing in their good points. In time you might grow to like them. Bottom line... dont force a bond, but bite your tongue when you say nasty things about them. GL!

  
  

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• AllAboutTheBenjamin member

  

  December 2011

  You don't have to like everyone, and you certainly don't have to like your BIL and his wife if they truly suck.  But you really should learn to keep the rude comments to yourself.

  

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• blgrout

  

  December 2011

  I have family (one aunt, in particular) that I truly don't like, and it's mutual between us.  For years I thought the best thing to do was ignore them (worked for a while), but eventually we have to see each other once and a while.  I just suck it up and deal with it and luckily, it's very rare when we do see each other.
  
  FWIW, we haven't liked each other for about 15 years now. We have very different views of the world, and that's not likely to change in this lifetime, unless I convert to her religion.   And her and my mother have never liked each other, and my parents have been married for 33 years.  It works, they just keep the cattiness and commentary to a minimum and to themselves, and everything stays low drama.  My dad knows that they don't like each other, and it's really NBD.  They just don't like each other, never have, probably never will.  They can comingle peacefully though.

  

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• vicki0508 member

  

  December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_future-bs-law-annoyances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b0a18f9-e4ae-4aac-b485-5a4a3c654158Post:b970624c-f8b0-4fc4-a497-8d856d0ad0d5">Future B/S In-Law annoyances</a>:
  [QUOTE]I feel horrible thinking/feeling this but I can't stand my future brother in-law and his wife. I try to keep things calm and not show my dislike when I'm with them, however I'm pretty much the worst liar ever, and then it usually comes out later <strong>when they are not around I make rude comments about them</strong> or think them. I've been trying really hard to work on this so I "get over it" and I've definetly been doing better. They haven't done anything to me specifically but the way they act I find so annoying. I've been trying to focus on the things I like about them more so I can be more positive about them. Anyone know other ways to learn to enjoy someone's company more? Hanging out with them is an option I guess, I'm just worried I'd be rude to them if they "annoyed" me. I should be happy for them because they just got married last month and are expecting a baby in April, however I just don't. I'm not jealous so don't worry about that because having a baby is the last thing I'd want in my life right now, being married, not a pressing issue either since that will be happening for me next year. How do you learn to like someone?
  Posted by chelsy31588[/QUOTE]
  Really?  You can't control yourself enough to keep your thoughts to yourself?

  Planning Bio
  

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• LizziebeeUT

  

  December 2011

  You aren't required to like everybody, but you are required to treat them with respect. Its one thing for you and your FI to talk about people you don't like (if he does like them though, you shouldn't say mean things or it may cause drama) its another to gossip about them to anyone who will listen, or say rude things to their faces. You are an adult, and there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to restrain yourself.

  

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• chelsy31588

  

  December 2011

  I don't like making rude comments about them, however I'm not the only one who does it. My FI family and even my FI does from time to time but it is their family so I don't think they feel like they are being that mean/rude but just point out the truth? It is hard to explain I guess because I know I should be more respectful and I want to be that way it's just hard sometimes because of the way they act. Believe me I'm trying really hard and learning to bite my tongue I'm just going to try and keep the positive thinking going. Plus I only see them occasionally so that helps.

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• FutureGray member

  

  December 2011

  TBH, I don't particularly like my mother. We have next to nothing in common, very different views on a lot of ethical/political issues, and really opposite ways of managing our lives.  Hanging around with her drives me up the wall because I hear the same stories over and over again, many of them "woe is me" tales that came about because of a poor decision she made or some naive belief she holds.  She is always broke and I worry about her future constantly... my parents are divorced, my dad is remarried, and although my stepmother is practically a saint for how much crap she puts up with in regards to my mom, there's no way Dad will always be able to bail Mom out because his wife has to be his first priority now.  Mom is a basketcase.
  
  That said, she is still MY MOM and I put up with her nonsense because I love her.  I moved across the country to put some safe distance between us and I only go visit once or twice a year, and that limits my exposure to the insanity.  I also apologize to him for it and then vent like crazy to my FI, because that helps keep me from falling INTO the insanity when we're visiting.  I smile and nod a lot during conversations with my mom.
  
  PPs are right that you don't have to like the Future BIL and his wife, you just have to be polite and respectful to them.  If that means you practice a blank smile and glazed eyes that you put into use when they say or do something you can't agree with, so be it.  It's much better to be silent and let the annoyances roll off you than to let it build up and drive you nuts.  If you don't know them all that well yet, you can fish around for something you have in common with either of them so you have something to talk about...  And my best social-setting approach to handling people I don't like is to just ask them questions and let them run their mouths off.  I tune them out, and they are happy because they got to talk about themselves.
  
  It sounds like your FI's family also thinks they are a little off, so the occasional ambiguous/snide comment to the FI (in private!) might not be so bad.  But you will definitely come off as a better person if you can take the high road here and avoid obvious rude comments to the rest of the family.  You can do it!

  So far, being a Gray is pretty awesome.

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