Too Long to Wait?

chleiter · October 2010

My fiance and I just got engaged two weeks ago. Everyone keeps asking me if we've set a date yet. I always knew I wanted a least a year engagement, but the venue that i have my heart set on is booked for October 2011. I really want to get married in either October or June. I've started looking at dates and I really like 6/16/2012. A lot of my friends and my mom are telling that seems too long to wait. My mom seems to think dragging it out that long can cause more stress. My thinking is that I'd like to book my venue and set a date and then pause on wedding planning. I'd like to take the fall and winter months to focus on looking for and buy a house, then pick up wedding planning in the Spring. What are your thoughts?

Thanks!!

[Deleted User] · October 2010

That's a personal choice. I did not want to wait that long, but many couples do for various reasons.

acmj11 · October 2010

You're fine. Plenty of people have 2 year or longer engagements. A girl I work with is engaged and they don't have a date or even an idea of one. Don't stress over it or let anyone else stress you out.

sprtychick10 · October 2010

6/16/2012 is my wedding date. We will be engaged for just over 1 1/2 years. There were a lot of reasons why we choose to wait that long but it is going to work for us and thats what matters. Its up to you how long you want to wait, I don't think it's that long of a time personally.

CaliSunn · October 2010

my FI and I just got engaged not too long ago and our date is 9/1/12. We're only waiting because he'll be graduating from Law school in the Spring. It's completely up to you! If you'd like more time to plan, then go for it!

chleiter · October 2010

Thanks Ladies!! I am going to check out the venue this Thursday. If I love it I may put my deposit down and set the 6.16.12 date!

eshaufle · October 2010

I got engaged last Thanksgiving and our wedding date is next September 2011 so just under 2 years. I disagree that it has added more stress...exactly the opposite. I've gotten my first pick of every vendor I wanted and have been able to plan at my convenience and have never once felt rushed or stressed and I'm pretty much done with everything. I did a big pause in planning after getting the venue and church nailed down like you said.

Some people don't like waiting for whatever reason and it's totally personal preference. We'd always wanted a September wedding and last Thanksgiving I told him there was no way I could plan a wedding in less than a year by September 2010 and not completely lose my mind...so 2011 it was!

skyler1108 · October 2010

When my wedding date comes around I will be engaged for 2 years and 2 days. There is nothing wrong with having a longer engagement if that is what works best for you. People will always want to give you their two cents just tune them out and do what is best for you and your FI.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

I think your ideas for possible dates are fine. Like pp's said, a lot of ladies are choosing long engagments these days. We were engaged for 15 months and that was perfect for us. I always knew I wanted to be engaged for about a year or so.

I think it also depends on other factors in your lives: are you paying for the wedding? do you have money saved or will you need to save? are you or your FI in school right now? Perhaps having a longer engagement will be beneficial as a lot of brides find it difficult planning a wedding and going to school and working full or part time. It is really a personal decision that you and your FI need to discuss together. We can only give you suggestions on what to do.

thackerj · October 2010

I just got engaged 2 days ago; but me and my fiance have been together for 5 years. We are waiting to get married 6/2/2012....I feel the same you do; I don't want to be rushed and I want to take breaks here and there..not only focus on the wedding do other things too..

AdeleDazeem · October 2010

I did the exact same thing as you. We will be engaged for 26 months by the time the wedding happens in May. We picked a date and venue, then sat arond for quite awhile.

Now, all the planning is coming back to haunt me. Boo... Why can't this wedding plan itself already?

desertmomnm · October 2010

Personally I think that's way too long to wait. I planned mine in 4 months. It was crazy, but worth it.

Wedding4Woods · October 2010

I am in the same boat...engaged August 2010 but our wedding will be Oct 2012. People give me weird looks when they find this out. My fiance will still be in college october 2011 so we are waiting til the next fall.

I tell people that it means more time to save up money and get all the little details worked out.

Usually once I explain the situation they all get it.

samscsi · October 2010

I'm in a similar situation, in that we originally wanted to have the wedding in September or October of 2011, but as we were planning, we realized that several members of my family (including my father and brother) would find a fall wedding too difficult to attend due to their jobs. So we pushed the date back to June 2012.

At first I was dissapointed, because I didn't want to wait so long, but we went ahead and booked a venue for June 2, 2012, and now I'm really glad we're waiting, because finding the venue was such a pain that it's nice to be able to relax for a while before moving on to the next step. It's also giving us lots of time to save money and will just be so much more convenient for a lot of people.

I have several friends who had long engagements and they've all reassured me that the time flies!

jess9802 · October 2010

We got engaged in March 2010 and originally planned on a July 2010 wedding. I was simply not ready, for a couple of reasons. After a week of panic attacks and a major fight that nearly caused a breakup, we tabled wedding plans for a while and didn't set a date until the end of August. We now have a firm date of July 16, 2011. It will be a 16 month engagement, and we will have been together for 2.5 years at that point. I'm okay with that. Well, I'm not having panic attacks whenever I think of the wedding, lol.

luckyme502 · October 2010

It's a personal choice. That would have been way to long for us, we got engaged in March and had our wedding in July.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

It's definitely not too long. There's more than just a wedding to plan--you have to prepare for married life as well. It's your wedding, and you should have the final say. Some couples have had ten year engagements while others have two month engagements. It depends on you and your circumstances. If you like June of 2012 you should stick to your guns.

Studies have also shown that people with longer engagement periods are less likely to get divorced since they have more time to think about it before the wedding. You could quote something like that to the people who are complaining.

MrsL117 · October 2010

I got engaged in March of this year.. and we set our date for September 1.2012.. My sister is recently engaged as well planning a June 2012 wedding.. Time is a good thing in my opinion. A house is a huge move. Congratualtions on that and on ur engagement!

bakes218 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:8f341a6f-1778-48ef-9fc2-c3dd086f3645Post:1f474c23-8624-41a4-8e17-a0ca1d03a7cd">Re: Too Long to Wait?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's definitely not too long. There's more than just a wedding to plan--you have to prepare for married life as well. It's your wedding, and you should have the final say. Some couples have had ten year engagements while others have two month engagements. It depends on you and your circumstances. If you like June of 2012 you should stick to your guns. <strong>Studies have also shown that people with longer engagement periods are less likely to get divorced since they have more time to think about it before the wedding. </strong>You could quote something like that to the people who are complaining.
Posted by kreebbymoiph[/QUOTE]

I am sorry but what study would you be referring to? That is ridiculous. My FI and I have been together for 6 1/2 years and were engaged in August. We are getting married this December. The engagement period is not the time to decide if you are ready to be married or not. IMO, there should be no engagement until you are ready to be married. I know different things work for different couples but you should not be engaged unless you are ready to get married. If you have to wait for financial reasons or because of school and schedules that is one thing.

A two year engagement is very long in my opinion...too long.

ki10 · October 2010

It's up to you. Longer engagements can cause more stress if you take the whole time to plan and drive yourself nuts, but you can be engaged and not actively planning all the time. They can also reduce the stress a lot by giving you plenty of time to enjoy, get stuff you really want booked early and work on little projects. I'm a big fan of long engagements myself, but not everyone is. Whatever you and your honey are comfortable with should be great.

benmel31 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:8f341a6f-1778-48ef-9fc2-c3dd086f3645Post:c7a60445-7d42-4151-ab8c-50c27240bd5d">Re: Too Long to Wait?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a personal choice. That would have been way to long for us, we got engaged in March and had our wedding in July.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow, you have us beat. We got engaged in February and got married in July!</div>

gracie04 · October 2010

it's definitely a personal choice. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a long engagement.

our engagement is going to be a little under 15 months because we need the extra time to save money. my future mil asked why we were waiting so long and i felt like saying, "if you paid for it we'd get married tomorrow."

anyway, my best friend and moh will be engaged for 5 years by the time she gets married on 05.25.13 (they're waiting until her fiance finishes optometry school).

a long engagemnet will give you more time to plan, time to save money, and to enjoy your engagement!

congratulations!!!!!

[Deleted User] · October 2010

A long engagement will give you time to save money, give you plenty of options and give you more time to breath.

My FI and I will be engaged 2 years and 5 months, and while I'd love to marry him tomorrow the truth is I want a nice wedding. I learned a while back that there's no reason to go into debt for something that is a "want" and not a "need". So we're saving up the money to have a big wedding.

If you're venue was booked that's reason enough to wait. Don't let anyone rush your wedding.

dani422 · October 2010

I agree, I got engaged a week ago and we have already started thinking about the date. We are looking at any time from October 2012 to May 2013, because he graduates from law school in May 2012 and is taking the bar exam right after. Additionally, since we are paying for the wedding, so we want to make sure we will be ready in terms of finances. I think it's definitely a personal choice but there's nothing wrong with having a long engagement.

SunBear22 · October 2010

We have a two year long engagement, September 21, 2012 that way we will both be finished with college and hopefully have our jobs in line. Plus it gives us plenty of time to save for awesome things, and we get first dibs on most things. (Most, because where I live and am planning to have the wedding, there are already three bookings in September of 2012.) Just don't stress yourself out, trying to plan too much now. Enjoy being engaged.

Too Long to Wait?

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