How do you handle disappointment & Stress?

ricksang · July 2010

I seriously need to learn how to handle both better. Right now, if something doesn't go the way I want it to I totally freak and think "the world is coming to the end" not really, but it's a gloom and doom frame of mind . Then, I think about things that stress me out 24/7. I have lost three days of sleep worrying.

I would love to be one of those people (like my H) who handles stress and disappointment with the greatest of ease.

So my question is, are you one of those people that can handle both of these well and can you give me some advice?!

I don't have time for stress management classes.

Nebb · July 2010

Sometimes blogging about it helps me, but to be honest im so used to bad luck right now that it doesnt entirely phase me when something in my life goes wrong. A good cry and getting it off my chest and trying to look at the bright side is usually what I do. Mixed with vodka if necessary.

ricksang · July 2010

Well my H just bought my the work out Insanity so I am hoping a workout will help with the stress level. I won't be able to drink while doing it though

betrothed123 · July 2010

I look for the little bright spot (sometimes it's tiny, but it's always there) and I try to pretend it's the biggest thing in the world.

And I blast music when I'm in the car. I like listening to metal or rap when I'm pissed or stressed.

Nebb · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_handle-disappointment-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3d95fe24-793a-4d89-9c04-2f74264cc6b2Post:c71f40c1-6712-42c4-a067-dad8cead7469">Re: How do you handle disappointment & Stress?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well my H just bought my the work out Insanity so I am hoping a workout will help with the stress level. I won't be able to drink while doing it though :(
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]
Maaan you are going to be like 10x hotter...

ricksang · July 2010

Ha Be, I love listening to metal when I am stressed!

Nebb, I am hoping! I have gotten skinnyfat since last semester. I am looking to get down to 18 % body fat. I was looking at the meal plan and I like it. It's a little better than P90x's meal plan.

SwedishChick2011 · July 2010

Well, sometimes I just curl up in the fetal position and cry. But what works for me with disappointment is starting to look forward to something else or thinking about what I else can do. For example, if I had vacation plans that feel through, maybe I'd give myself a spa day instead or maybe start planning a better vacation. For stress, I'll take a bath, watch a movie, or do something else to unwind.

Having someone to vent to is also really helpful - whether it's your SO, mom, friend, counselor, or whoever. I've had a couple times in my time where I've been very anxious and obsess about things - probably kind of like what you're going through right now - and talking it through (and even getting some medication) really helped me.

ricksang · July 2010

Yeah Swedish those are great ideas. I vent to my H all the time, poor guy lol.

SwedishChick2011 · July 2010

Seeing PPs responses reminded me that having a good cry (for a quick fix) and exercising can help a lot. I think regular exercise helps keep stress at bay, but even one work out can help me feel better on a bad day.

barbbhoww · July 2010

I am the exact same way as you. I don't handle it well at all!

ricksang · July 2010

Barbie, we should start a pity party group :P

barbbhoww · July 2010

Ummm yes. Poor us. Poor, poor us! I am pathetic when I get upset. Very childish. I don't tell people that much but it is true. I wish I could change it but I have a hard time.

future-mrs · July 2010

Alcohol or exercise...I choose the first one. Ha!

ricksang · July 2010

Haha I think alcohol is the answer here.

missy68 · July 2010

I'm pretty high strung and a perfectionist, and I beat myself up if I mess up or don't do something right. Sometimes, it keeps me from doing something at all, because the task is so daunting and if I can't do it right all in one shot, to hell with it.

My boss saw that in me, and she told me to allow myself to make 3-5 mistakes a day, and mark them down. She was really good with that.

A little pressure helps me get things done, but a lot and I shut down. Sometimes you just need to walk away from a task/put away your studying materials and realize you've done what you could do, etc., and that exercise or sleep is more important.

Now, that DOESN'T help me get my winter clothes put away, but hey - the summer clothes are still hanging up.

I ended up in the ER about 3 years ago, with what I thought was an ulcer - not so great with a stomach the size of mine. They spent all night running all kinds of tests on me and couldn't find anything (but the IV morphine helped a LOT). They wrote me out of work for 3 days, and I saw a gastroenterologist who told me the acid from my blocked off stomach was backing up through my small intestine into my little stomach and it was terribly inflamed. Omeprazole for life now, apparently. It also helped me decide to quit my job and move out here.

leayn · July 2010

I just think of your tiny feet. That always makes me smile.

pooh8402 · July 2010

I cry. a lot. yell at DH, then apologize for taking it out on him. cry some more. then I eat.

I wish I exercised to work off stress. I might weigh about 15 pounds less then I would be a happier person overall.

Brie2010 · July 2010

I get most of my frustrations out through running. It really calms me to just focus on putting one foot in front of the other for awhile, you know?

And then I usually go home and have ice cream. The two balance each other out.

ricksang · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_handle-disappointment-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3d95fe24-793a-4d89-9c04-2f74264cc6b2Post:ecad4300-f76a-49aa-9215-1e44edfc354a">Re: How do you handle disappointment & Stress?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just think of your tiny feet. That always makes me smile.
Posted by leayn[/QUOTE]

Hahaha well those stress me out too because I can't find heels to fit!

Missy, they diagnosed me with IBS last semester and the DR. said stress was a factor! I also shut down when I feel the stress is too much.

ricksang · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_handle-disappointment-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3d95fe24-793a-4d89-9c04-2f74264cc6b2Post:9dff9cb2-5bb6-4d6c-bc36-bb40a6d8f2ae">Re: How do you handle disappointment & Stress?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get most of my frustrations out through running. It really calms me to just focus on putting one foot in front of the other for awhile, you know? And then I usually go home and have ice cream. The two balance each other out.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

Mmmm I wish I had ice cream now!

barbbhoww · July 2010

I wear a size 6! What size are you ricks?

ricksang · July 2010

4 or 4 1/2 depending on the shoe!

[Deleted User] · July 2010

It depends on the situation. For the most part, I write. Writing has saved my life during some really tough times. Other than that, I just take one day at a time. I used to get really bad anxiety attacks that made my heart hurt. I'd get a clutching feeling in my chest and I couldn't breathe. Since then I've learned to just be a little more mellow.

If something happens, I just try to say, 'Well, it happened so find a way to deal with it and move on." I try to remember that things could be worse, so this (whatever 'this' is), won't be the end of me. Hopefully it won't be, in some cases I guess.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

I like to curse and cry. And throw things.

Okay, maybe don't take my advice.

SCBojangles1138 · July 2010

I try to find something you like/don't mind that requires focus and physical activity to deal with both. My preference is (totally hoaky, I know) country line dancing because I have to concentrate on remembering each individual dance - maybe try zumba (definitely a lot cooler). Sometimes when I need time to think about things in order to sort things out I'll just stick to something physical - today it was chopping weeds in a soybean field (ok, ok, that's part of my job, but it worked).

Let me apologize in advance to the grammar nazi's - I think and type faster than I edit.

BecW2be · July 2010

I'm late, but I'm sorry you are stressed. I feel your pain! Here are a few things I do:

When I'm stressed, I build or tear apart something. Either really helps clear my mind and divert my attention from worrying for a bit. Even if it's as small as ripping every single page from an old magazine, one at a time. It helps!

Think about what you were worrying about 5 yrs ago. Are you still worrying about it? Be specific, not vague like "school". Pinpoint a specific project or problem and chances are you are no longer worried about it, and it seems silly. In the future, what you are stressing over right now will be as insignificant as your past problems. Imagine 5yrs from now and focus on imagining what you'll be doing. Back it up to 1 yr from now, and then 6mos from now. Somehow, that helps me refocus and know that most likely by Christmas or early next year I won't be worrying about the same things I am right now, and by this time next year I'll have forgotten.

Set your kitchen timer for 10 minutes and let your shiit go until it buzzes. Cry, scream, curse, fret, punch a pillow... whatever. But when the buzzer buzzes, stop it. Collect yourself, and refocus.

Make a list of all your worries. Every single little one. Call a friend and just let her listen to you (I'll PM you my cell if you need it!

Saying things aloud takes away their power. They are much stronger tumbling around in your head instead of out in the open. Let it out!

Hang in there, and remember that this too shall pass. You don't have to keep it all together all the time. It's good to fall apart, pick up the pieces, put them back together and start again from time to time. Chin up!

Marrin713 · July 2010

Ricksang - I was thinking of you today while trying to decide if to post a follow up on the Cymbalta post from last week. I think you were one who was interested in the results (if any).

I handle stress very badly. I interalize and shut down and that is extremely bad for anyone's health. I'm jealous of those who scream, punch, and kick because a physical release would be great in stressful situations.

As for the Cymbalta - I am taking it tho at night since it makes me sleepy. Interesting thing is I have lost about 5 lbs already. I have lost interest in food and coffee (and coffee is my FAVE). About a week in now and I have this strange inner struggle going on - it's like happiness and sadness are duking it out. I can't explain it any better than that other than to say I certainly hope happiness wins - wedding is a week from today. As far as side effects go, beside the sleepiness I've had a little stomach upset but not much and I have had headaches but I believe those are from going without the caffiene. Today is much better as far as the headache goes. Anyway that's the update from Cymbalta-land.

Sorry not much help on the stress tho. I'm hoping that once therapy starts after the wedding is over, I'll have a better handle on stress eventually.

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