Define:

buddhagouda · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:550e7927-0633-434c-bdc1-7f3b304285ee">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE] Name calling on the internet is an excepted norm. So I don't think it makes you immature, however it doesn't really prove any point.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Is it an excepted norm or an accepted norm? Or is it an excepted accepted norm? I honestly can't decide.

</div>

opalsky007 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:8605943f-9a12-44fa-bfd7-3c6c9a1fb45b">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm keeping my penguin jammies. I'm still gonna get up and watch looney toons on Saturday morning and I'm going to love every ridiculous Elmer Fudd quote that gets thrown out during our guild runs. If I'm immature, so be it.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

I see nothing immature about this. I would if, say, you blew off work or other commitments to watch cartoons in your penguin jammies.

danieliza1127 · December 2009

I'm with Buddha, I don't see any of those things as immature Moose.

TheSaltyPeanut · December 2009

I don't think that's immature at all Moose... that doesn't have anything to do with how you treat other people (which, by my definition, is one of my definitions of maturity).

crfische · December 2009

It's interesting to me that maturity hasn't been defined by life place in this thread. Unless I missed it.

But if I have a job, pay my bills, keep my house clean, etc, does that equal maturity or is it needing to be done in conjuction with personailty?

wadingmoose · December 2009

Well, damn. There goes my attack on using immaturity as a negative thing.

I do find it odd that anyone could look at penguin covered pajamas and think, "definitely mature." Ditto insane giggling over "my spear and magic hellllllllllllllllmet!"

redheadfsu · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:ec4828d4-a30d-40da-acd6-09128e345476">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Define: : Is it an excepted norm or an accepted norm? Or is it an excepted accepted norm? I honestly can't decide.
Posted by buddhagouda[/QUOTE]

haha oops - guess it is one of those days.

mocha beans · December 2009

Moose is brilliant. You can have immature habits or hobbies or interests and be just fine. But if you walk around expecting the world to change to suit you or that you can do no wrong and it's always someone else's fault for problems, that's being immature.

Petty name calling isn't necessarily immature in my eyes if it's a petty argument. But if it's a debate or discussion and you disagree and resort to namecalling to *win* the argument, tha'ts immature.

TheSaltyPeanut · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:67759e5d-bcd5-4de0-ac1f-8a8317293f08">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE]It's interesting to me that maturity hasn't been defined by life place in this thread. Unless I missed it. But if I have a job, pay my bills, keep my house clean, etc, does that equal maturity or is it needing to be done in conjuction with personailty?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I think the whole package needs to be considered.

pumpkinpumpkin · December 2009

I should say - i don't mean act your age, but maybe rather accept your age and the responisbilities that come with it. If that makes sense?

My littlest sister is 23. Her boyfriend is 32. He doesn't have a driver's license (not because he's trying to be environmentally friendly, but because he's a lazy ass and knows my sister will drive him wherever he wants - yes, i know this is her fault) - but then he also doesn't work, because his mom gives him money to live off of...he's old enough to know that it's time to grow up...and, his dad killed himself when he was 12. He still uses it as an excuse for things. Everything.

crfische · December 2009

SO, how many people do you think THINK They are mature, but they really aren't. This is the faux maturity I'm talking about.

People who try to convince themselves that they are taking the high road, but really, they aren't any better than the person they are arguing with?

AmoroAgain · December 2009

Here's my take on this.

I'm sure lot's of people can (and do) call me immature for my rampage last night. However, I can have a mature, intellectual discussion all day about how, when cacoffer/bbycakes posts, she attempts to portray herself in a more intelligent manner than I believe she actually has. For example, she asked me to find a better adjective than "idiot" for people. But idiot isn't an adjective. Could I harrass her for that? Certainly. Is it fun? Not nearly as fun, nor as easy as saying, "Thank you, you proved my point about being an idiot. Now, I'm going to sob for humanity then stab my eyes out with a spoon."

Maturity is about many things. It's about the ability to take care of yourself and others, the ability to evaluate a decision or situation and behave accordingly-- and it's also knowing when to let it all out and say what you really think. Speaking out for yourself, your beliefs- even when they are negative or unpopular, takes more guts than keeping quiet and sticking your head in the sand. I'll respect someone's "maturity" much more, any day, when they come right out and tell me I'm wrong and why than turning tail and hiding.

I think Kiki's a passive-aggressive silly goose, but she actually stood up for that about herself last night. Which makes me give her a small, grudging amount of respect.

wadingmoose · December 2009

Lemme try this again:

If you separate the negative connotation that comes with the word immaturity, you probably get a different list of what qualities are immature. If you're not looking at it as a negative thing, then you can probably accept that penguin jammies aren't a mature choice in life.

But they aren't a negative immaturity. Even with the snowflakes

. Nor is watching Looney Toons and Scooby Doo religiously a negative thing, but it's still an immaturity.

It's fine to be immature and have immature qualities. It shows definite maturity if you know when to let them run wild and free (Saturday mornings) and when to rein them in - the penguin jammies are inappropriate in a board meeting, for example. Or at your annual review. As is quoting Elmer Fudd.

In a disagreement or debate, name calling is immature. But so is pulling out the "I'm wayyyyyyyyyy too mature to resort to that." Which, in a way is just a passive aggressive way to call someone a name.

So, to summarize, immaturity isn't a negative thing, and defining it using negative examples is just reinforcing that immaturity is bad. It's not. It's fun and should be enjoyed in moderation. Just like booze, sex and drugs.

wadingmoose · December 2009

FWIW, the formal definition of immature, as it relates to people, is:

emotionally undeveloped; juvenile; childish.

to that I say, I don't wanna grow up. I'm a Toys R Us kid.

TheSaltyPeanut · December 2009

Choosing not to explain why I'm not an idiot is not "turning tail and hiding."

crfische · December 2009

It's fun and should be enjoyed in moderation. Just like booze, sex and drugs.

Excellent.

I think part of being mature is that you don't have to SAY that you're mature to other people. It should be implied by how you carry yourself and deal with life situations.

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

Wading is talking about knowing time and place as well. There is definitely a time to bring on the silly, and a time not to.

I think to answer your question about paying bills and personality Fishy, maturity is a conext based reaction to stimulus. You get a bill in the mail? You pay it by the due date. You find your friend is talking about you behind your back? You confront her calmly and ask what the situation is.

wadingmoose · December 2009

Ah, yes, that's also a good point Fishy.

PS. Thank you for this thread. It's entertaining me in my search for a new web home.

vallyhoo · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:ef432294-0539-44be-b62a-f2987adf368f">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE]<em>It's fun and should be enjoyed in moderation. Just like booze, sex and drugs. </em>Excellent.
I think part of being mature is that you don't have to SAY that you're mature to other people. It should be implied by how you carry yourself and deal with life situations.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Yep and yep. I think whether or not one is mature is not determined by the individual, but by the way other people perceive you. Perception is reality, after all. So if people perceive me as an immature or disrespectful person, then chances are I present myself that way. But on the whole, if I am a respectful and (for lack of a better word) 'mature' adult, then chances are people will pick up on that without me having to come out and say that I am a mature adult.

buddhagouda · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:ef432294-0539-44be-b62a-f2987adf368f">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE]I think part of being mature is that you don't have to SAY that you're mature to other people. It should be implied by how you carry yourself and deal with life situations.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

<div>Absolutely. If you have to tell people how mature you are, I'm 99.7% positive I will be calling you a twatwaffle and an idiot because I am clearly superior to you in every way. </div>

FutureMrsTR · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:c4040781-23fe-4e32-904e-d02b808fc733">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE]Choosing not to explain why I'm not an idiot is not "turning tail and hiding."
Posted by TheSaltyPeanut[/QUOTE]

Agreed. Just because you don't want to engage someone whose opinion you know you're not going to change and/or you don't care to change doesn't make you immature or a coward. It doesn't make you better than anyone either, it's just a choice.

mocha beans · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:ef432294-0539-44be-b62a-f2987adf368f">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE]I think part of being mature is that you don't have to SAY that you're mature to other people. It should be implied by how you carry yourself and deal with life situations.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Yes, exactly. A mature person doesn't have to bring attention to their maturit; an immature person who thinks they're mature seems to need to bring attention to the maturity that they think they have, which always comes off as gloating.

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

UGH sex has to be in moderation? boooo

bbyckes · December 2009

Maturity is also about being able to discern when to just disregard bad behaviors of others and ignore it.

A lot of the hate spewing is counterproductive and I don't want to be apart of it. P2, if you consider it faux maturity, then so be it. I'm that way in real life too. I don't like to surround myself with negativity.

mandybear7 · December 2009

I asked one of my students what it means to be mature. He said:

Takin care of bidness.

vallyhoo · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_define?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e55db835-9f6a-4846-888e-15a9322ec075Post:e3eb89a3-3bcc-47a4-99f9-52472f1101df">Re: Define:</a>:
[QUOTE]Wading is talking about knowing time and place as well. There is definitely a time to bring on the silly, and a time not to.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

And I think that with maturity comes the ability to gauge situations and know the proper time/place for all behaviors.

wadingmoose · December 2009

I think, cacoffer, that the immaturity comes with your inability to just walk away. Instead, you need to proclaim that you're walking away and why. That is the display of immaturity.

bbyckes · December 2009

It's not a display of immaturity at all. It's stating that I am taking the situation for what it is and not willing to be apart of it.

I think it's immature to repeatedly call someone stupid or an idiot or refer to how much you hate or dislike them. That's immaturity. There are individuals who I may or may not like - but I don't have to tell them all the time. I just don't comment on their threads.

And pointing out negativity isn't immature at all. I think a lot of the attacks are to stir up a specific reaction - I don't wish to engage. I teach my son to treat and speak to people the same way he wants to be spoken to. I think that's mature.

MeaghanandMichael · December 2009

I am thinking that maturity and self esteem issues could be confused in this discussion, in general. Or do they go hand in hand?

mocha beans · December 2009

See, I would say that frequently poking at someone or proclaiming you dislike someone so much is just as immature as repeatedly saying you're walking away from the situation. Which clearly the person isn't if it needs to be said repeatedly. If you don't like someone for whatever reason, the mature thing to do would be to just limit your interaction with them.

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