Hi everyone, I am new here. So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years.
We moved in together after 4 months and really have been through a lot since then. I would have never move in after being together this short with anyone else before, but there was not a doubt it would work.
It just feels right, it has from the very beginning. I would really like to take the next step and finally get married, he's not convinced. His main reason is money- we need to be financially secure first, we couldn't even afford the wedding I dream of right now(which is true) and we have to sort out all sorts of issues in our lives.
He is always big about financial security, with everything. I don't necessarily see how that's related to getting married, though. But I know it's his main reason. Wedding doesn't HAVE to be big, also we could save up for it. There definitely are some issues that should rather be sorted out (cutting of my abusive parents, dealing with out friends situation which is not all too great right now since a lot of people moved away and with others we just kind of parted ways), but I don't think there will ever be a time where there are no issues to be sorted out.
I told him I'd like to make him officially mine
and he told me a wedding was no guarantee it would work. I know that, but still I want to do it! I want the big party, but mire importantly, I want the commitment ceremony, I want to be a unit, share one name and be legally responsible for each other. At this point, my parents would still be called about life and death situations if I had an accident or something, but I want the person I feel closest to to be responsible in that kind of situation.
He also hates being the center of attention, and I think one uber-boring wedding we recently attended didn't help.I told him we could compromise on a smaller wedding.
I know it's not the commitment that scares him, he said he'd be open to having children very soon. I want to get married first, though.
I jokingly asked him one time how much money I would have to make before he could marry me. I know though it's not about how much money I have, but how much WE have, he wouldn't care if it was all his. But this money fixation annoys me. It's one the only 2 big issues we have.
Yesterday we talked about this and he said he felt pressure and didn't feel comfortable. I, on the other hand, do not want to feel like I have to force him to do it. He also always said we both need to graduate school first, which he did (business school), I'm still working on my thesis. He started working his first "real"job this month. I can somehow see how he wants things to be settled, but I mean, he did graduate already AND has a job, shouldn't take that much longer for me either. We're both 27 and live in Germany. (I just came on this board because I like American wedding a lot better!:) Also, I used to live in Fl). I think this is a good age to get married. I mean, I wouldn't get married just because of the age, was I single now, I wouldn't go out and look for guys desperately, but given the fact everything just works, I think it's a good age and probably pretty much the average over here.
I definitely want to get married AND have my first child before I'm 30. I know making plans never works;), but that's my goal.
I don't even need a fancy proposal. We could just agree on getting married! (Funny thing, I know he thinks the proposal is important though;)) I DO want an American style engagement ring though;) (Ours are not that nice, traditionally they are the wedding band, which is a plain gold band, worn on the other hand before the wedding. I don't wear gold and I'm not plain.
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I should also mention his personality is to see the possible problems in anything, rather than the possibilities. He always thinks everything is soo complicated and needs to be prepared really well. I am the exact opposite- I used to never take care of anything in advance and have more of a "somehow it will all work out" attitude. The truth lies somewhere inbetween, I think, as my attitude got me into problems more than once, especially financially, but with too much of his attitude you'll never get to enjoy life. I think this is a big part of his hesitation, too.
So, what would you do? Just wait? Until when?