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What would you do?

rknox88rknox88
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, FI and I are going to a wedding tomorrow night and a former friend of FI's will be there. They hate each others' guts-seriously. I have never met the guy but FI warns me that this dude will be a complete ahole to my face and will straight up tell me I am fat (I'm not overweight-5'8 140 pounds and I like my body) and try to break my spirit ( what a standup guy, huh?) Anyways-It is in my nature to be a total bitch right back and make similar snide remarks back at him but FI says this will only make things worse and will cause Mr. Douchebag to cause a scene. The last thing I want to happen is to detract from the couple's big day but I also think it is demeaning to let this guy completely bully me. We are sitting together for dinner due to assigned seating otherwise we would just avoid this d-bag.

FI would totally stand up for me if he thought it would help but he thinks it will only make things worse which I understand. What would you do in this situation?
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Re: What would you do?

  • lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment

    I would either pretend I can't see or hear him, or else I'd say "it's nice to meet you too, you're just like FI described."

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  • Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    It depends on what this guy says to you. There are certain things that can not be ignored. Use your judgment. Common sense will tell you when to ignore him and when to lash back at him.

    And I don't agree that your FI should just sit there with his mouth shut.

    Hope for the best. They haven't seen each other for a long time. Perhaps the guy isn't as bad as your FI thinks he will be.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Ignore him.

    Him - "Wow, you're pretty fly for a fat chick," (or whatever awful comment"

    You - Honey, where was that place your mom wanted to visit?

    Don't give the dude the satisfaction of a response.  Thats part of what he loves.  Instead, show that his comments will roll off your back.  It may kill you inside, but it may kill him more that you don't give him an argument.
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  • MISSCOURTNEY20MISSCOURTNEY20 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62078383-7d6c-4f06-8f0a-30f11fc9f22dPost:35543812-aa2d-484c-bae4-346922bae4f8">Re: What would you do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd ignore the guy and have a good time at the wedding.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    This
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Take the high road.
    I understand that it's in your nature to at least defend yourself, but this is neither the time nor the place to indulge this person.
    If yu need to convince yourself to keep your mouth shut, remind yourself that nothing you say will bother him, anyway, but by ignoring him, you'll be able to get under his skin. Silence is golden, even now. ;)
    image
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  • vegasgroomvegasgroom mod
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Just ask him if he's the small penis guy you heard about.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


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  • kathrynhabibtikathrynhabibti member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Any other time I would say to defend yourself. But in this case your best defense is to ignore his comments as much as possible - don't talk to him, change the subject, whatever.  Don't give him the satisfaction....

    [QUOTE]<strong>Just ask him if he's the small penis guy you heard about.
    </strong>Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

    ....although saying that would give <em>me</em> serious satisfaction. I'd be so so tempted :^) Good luck!
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  • dittmerbullard2010dittmerbullard2010 member
    First Comment
    I agree with the others who have said to ignore him. He will hate it, and you will have the satisfaction. And you will have taken the high road.
    Amanda and Eric Gettin' married 10/10/10
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  • blondie82784blondie82784
    First Comment
    Ignore him.. It just shows his class of being a A** if he says anything to you when he doesn't even know who you are.Be the more mature person. If you ignore him it'll make him feel like he cant get under everyone's skin, which will prob. get him to stay away. Enjoy the day
    RSVP: AUGUST 18,2010 image 256 Are Invited image 191 Are ready to Party!
    image 65 Will be missing out image 0 Where Are you? We can't wait Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    Why did the bride and groom seat you together? How do you know where your seating for the reception already?  The bride & groom have to know that your FI doesn't get along with this guy if it's this bad.   As difficult as it probably will be, I would not give him the satisfaction of responding either. That will actually drive him more crazy not to get a rise out of you.

    Each time he makes a snide remark, ask a different guest at the table something (or make a statement to them) - Wasn't the wedding lovely?  I really liked the flowers, what are your favorites?  Where do you: work, go to school, live, hang outut, how do you know the bride and groom, are you staying the night?   Other questions: been on any great trips lately or going soon, eaten at great restaurants lately, etc.  If other couples are married: when did you get married, how did you meet, where was your wedding, did you honeymoon and where.  Do you have pets, etc

    Keep ignoring him and engaging others in converations. If you respond to him you'll encourage him to keep it up. If you keep talking to other guests and acting like a polite, well-brought up person he will be the one looking like a rude, boorish, idot.
    PLUS if you get him going and causes a scene, while it will reflect badly on him it will or could ruin the bride and groom's reception and persnally I wouldn't want to do that to my friends.  Although I have to wonder why friends would seat you with someone like this.
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  • rknox88rknox88
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:62078383-7d6c-4f06-8f0a-30f11fc9f22dPost:6aa877de-2470-4eb8-b84d-71e4a2f4ff0a">Re: What would you do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why did the bride and groom seat you together? How do you know where your seating for the reception already?  The bride & groom have to know that your FI doesn't get along with this guy if it's this bad.[/QUOTE]

    My FI, the groom, and the mean guy all met at college. Since graduation FI and Mean Guy had a falling out that has been on the DL for the most part. I just don't think groom knew this. I think we were sat together in an effort to seat guests with people they know.  We know where we are sitting because FI talked to the groom a couple days ago and he mentioned it.

    Thanks for all the advice, it sounds like I will just be ignoring this dude which sounds like a good plan! Thanks again for all the help.
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  • brookelynpaisleybrookelynpaisley member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'd be an adult and ignore the guy.
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    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
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  • Kreskin79Kreskin79
    First Comment

    Don't sink to his level; it'd be uncouth to get into a brawl at a wedding. Wink

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  • marisah83marisah83 member
    First Comment
    Maybe the guy will have some class and keep his mouth shut during the reception.  I wouldn't stress since you have no idea if he'll actually be a jerkwad.  If he does say something, just ignore him.  I'm sure there are other people sitting at your table, so just keep conversation with them and don't let him ruin the evening.
    09.10 Siggy Challenge
    PhotobucketMy favorite picture is of the night we got engaged!
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  • LP11509LP11509 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    When I was growing up, my brother was CONSTANTLY picking on me.  Every time he did, I'd start crying/screaming...which is exactly what he wanted me to do.  One day, my mom told me to just ignore him.  I started doing that, and after awhile, he realized he wasn't going to get a reaction out of me and stopped.

    Granted, this is a little different than your situation, but I think the same concept applies.  Mean Guy WANTS to upset people.  Don't give him the satisfaction, and he'll more than likely move on.  If not, then he's the one who looks like an ass, not you.
    image
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