Pre Cana

angelori7273 · January 2010

I am just wondering if there are any exceptions to Pre Cana. My fiance and I have known each other 11 years and we have a 9 year old daughter but we haven't been together all this time. Long story short...since we have known each other so long and already have a child do you think we will have to attend the pre cana classes? Everything I have read about getting married in the Catholic Church says it's a requirement.

caitriona87 · January 2010

I have never heard of an exception being made for anyone, but I guess it's possible. They want to make sure you understand what being married in the Church means, among other things. Either way, most people I've heard from find it very helpful and edifying, that it strengthens their relationship & is a good experience. I wouldn't recommend skipping it even if you had the option.

ootmother2 · January 2010

I guess there are exceptions made sometimes, not sure.

My dad didn't have to do pre cana for his second marriage.

They had both been married before, he had 5 children, she had 4.

JMO, but pre cana may have kept them from their 10 month long marriage.

Theresa626 · January 2010

I'm pretty sure you'll have to do pre-cana. I can't imagine the catholic church ever bending rules for anyone.

meltoine · January 2010

Ditto everyone else. You'll have to do it.

ootmother2 · January 2010

Okay, now I am curious.

When did pre Cana become a requirment for a Catholic wedding?

It was not a requirement in 1978 when I was married.

My dad's second marriage was in the early 70s, can't remember the exact year. I remember that he was married during Advent which required a dispensation itself but no pre Cana.

My older brother was married the year after my dad remarried and was married in a Congragationalist church with a Catholic priest assisting. No pre Cana

I know many things have changed in the Church over the decades but was this one of them?

No, I can't ask my dad, he's deceased and our priest is retired now. I might see him once or twice a year.

tia

angelori7273 · January 2010

IMy parents have friends who have been a couple for something like 17 years and they just got married a year or so ago and they didn't have to do the pre cana classes. That's why I was wondering. I was engaged before and I did the classes before so it's not that I don't want to. It's going to be tricky though because my fiance still lives in Puerto Rico and he won't be moving here until the month we get married. Thanks for all the feedback though. I'm just waiting for a call from the priest to set up my meeting with him!

berrytr · January 2010

As far as I know, pre cana is now required. However, the parish priest may make an exceptionfor various reasons, if allowed by that particular archidiocese. Hope this helps.

Jay+Marissa · January 2010

I imagine it probably does depend on the archdiocese. I do know some dioceses offer something called CANA II--I believe it is for non-traditional couples, such as remarriage, and maybe other situations? I believe I heard it was for couples who had been living together for a long time as well, but that could be total crock.

At any rate, it could be a good option for you as it is geared towards couples who are at a different stage in their lives

Calypso1977 · January 2010

oot, the only thing i can think of is that with a second marriage, yoru dad most likely did pre-cana the first time? as your brother was married congregational (even with a priest there) the priest probably didnt require it as i'm assuming he didnt officiate but merely assisted the congregational minister?

as for your 1978 wedding, i'm not sure why you didnt have to. everyone i know has had to do it, and i know my mom did it in 1966 - but that was pre-vatican II. maybe there was a period with vatican II changes where they didnt think it was necessary, then decided it was for the best afterall, and reinstituted it.

for the OP: while you will most likely have to do it, the type of program you have to do most likely will be geared toward your personal situation. i know for us, as two catholics who regularly attend Mass, all we had to do was 3 sessions with the priest. we didnt have to take any classes or do any weekend trips, or meet with other couples.

Riss91 · January 2010

My parents married in 1974 and they did not do Pre-Cana, though they were supposed to. No one actually told them they needed to and when the priest mentioned it less than a month before their wedding, it was too late. My parents had both attended Catholic School their entire lives and the priest let them off the hook.

I think priests are more strict about it now because it is less common that people getting married are as involved in the church as they were back then. It is also more common nowadays that people get married in different churches than their home parish, so it becomes difficult for the priests to feel comfortable about the couple they are marrying. They have to set some sort of guidelines to ensure those getting married in the church have the right intentions and understand what the church values as important in marriage. Not that pre-cana is the best and only way to do it, it's just one standard.

I do think priests will "bend the rules" in certain situations. If you are a regularly practicing Catholic and are involved in the church, your priest should know you well enough and be willing to help you under extreme circumstances.

Pirata13 · January 2010

OOT, my parents married in 1968 and did pre-Cana.

ootmother2 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_pre-cana-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1a917b62-c7fd-4f18-a385-5fb9b79edc36Post:28584e37-975a-4347-8b55-8945819b3609">Re: Pre Cana</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as I know, pre cana is now required. However, the parish priest may make an exceptionfor various reasons, if allowed by that particular archidiocese. Hope this helps.
Posted by berrytr[/QUOTE]

Interesting. It does seem that the priests are getting a good deal of say in the Church. Perhaps as you say they may be more aware of the individual circumstances as you said.

Angel, I'm sorry for the semi thread jack, my question brought someone who is determined to tell me how "un Catholic" I am.

angelori7273 · January 2010

Well girls I have my meeting with the priest on Monday so thanks for all the feedback! I won't mind doing pre cana it's just that Angel-my fiance-still lives in Puerto Rico and will be there until about the time we get married but he will be here for two visits-hopefully-beforehand so maybe we can do a pre cana weekend retreat. I read about those. Good luck to all of you and thanks!!

lauraNkieran · January 2010

I've read on here about couples in the military and they were able to do somethng online, so that may be an option. I don't think length of time or having a child together will be enough to "exempt" you from pre-cana. If for no other reason it would strengthen the relationship.

ootmother2 · January 2010

FYI, Vatican II was opened 1962 and closed in 1965, started with Pope John XXIII, closed by Pope Paul VI

Calypso, you parents were POST Vatican II

whatever, guess the council didn't deal with pre Cana

Now I'm even more curious. Amazing how much Church history you forget. Going to read up a bit now.

Calypso1977 · January 2010

you are right, i dont have the exact dates of VII. i just new it was in the 60s, although i thought it was the latter part. i also know that many churches were slower to implement some of hte changes due to resistance from priests, parishioners, etc. My parents were obviously on the cusp - wedding was in 66, but they most likely did their precana in 65 or early 66 - could be things were already arranged before the changes came down if VII ended in 65? at any rate, i had been just throwing out ideas/speculations as to why perhaps some folks did precana/some didnt or why it may or may not have been required. from what i understand, there was a lot of confusion/change/resistance during the VII era and i think that is the point when we really saw parishes moving away from consistency with each other. this is also a time where a lot of folks left the church (and many joined as a result of the changes). but again, as i was not alive in the 60's i dont have personal knowledge of this, only second hand observation from folks like my parents and you who lived through it.

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