Mortgage registry?

azchky · September 2010

I know it's untraditional... but, I remember seeing something awhile back about asking for donations to go towards the purchase of a house. I know it's "not okay to ask for money" .... directly anyway. But, is it okay to set up an account that will go directly towards the purchase of a new home? If so, has anybody done this before or know anyone who has?

We're a pretty untraditional couple anyway. We already live together and have for about 2 years. We both have kids seperatly.... (6 between us). We are paying for our own wedding, and REALLY want the date that we have picked, but we are also going to be trying to buy a house. We just really don't need the "typical" items that people usually register for. What's your opinion??

marissa_claire · September 2010

Yeah you need to save up for a home on your own or budge with your wedding date. And the amount of money you get will be a drop in the bucket on a mortgage, probably not even enough for a down payment, so I personally would never do that.

noodle_oo · September 2010

No no no no. This is horrible. As others said, no one wants to buy you a house. Do that yourself. Don't register, get cash and put it towards your down payment. But don't ask others for this directely, it is incredibly rude.

Besides, if you can't afford the down payment without help from a registry, you shouldn't be buying a house anyway.

Lauren1333 · September 2010

yikes. please dont do this.

trix1223 · September 2010

Awful idea. I confess that I'd be making seriously snarky comments if I were told that the couple registered for their mortgage payments. Seriously snarky comments.

megk8oz · September 2010

Just don't register anywhere and have a family member or close friend spread the word that you're saving up for a house. That is exactly what we did, and surprise, surprise, pretty much everybody gave us cash.

goutesh · October 2010

I think it's a bad, bad idea. Stick to a traditional registry. If you'd like, register for fewer items and people *should* get the idea that you want cash. Have it spread by word of mouth.

Galaxy8227 · October 2010

Please don't do this.

megandjay · October 2010

Why not just provide deposit slips for your bank account? That way you avoid the hassle of dealing with a website or depositing checks. Preferably you should include them with your invitation. And on the invitation you should set a 'minimum donation amount', kind of like a cover charge for the reception.

azchky · October 2010

Hey now - that sounds like an awesome idea. How about I just go ahead and tell people how much they need to pay for their plate cost, too. Geez people - it was just a question about if you knew anyone who did it. Why don't you take it a little more personal.

kathrynhabibti · October 2010

[QUOTE]Hey now - that sounds like an awesome idea. How about I just go ahead and tell people how much they need to pay for their plate cost, too. Geez people - it was just a question about if you knew anyone who did it. Why don't you take it a little more personal.
Posted by azchky[/QUOTE]
Yeah, except it wasn't:

[QUOTE]But, is it okay to set up an account that will go directly towards the purchase of a new home? . . . We just really don't need the "typical" items that people usually register for. What's your opinion??[/QUOTE]

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

Wait a sec. People normally don't register for second or third weddings. (Not sure which wedding this is for either of you.) I mean, some people do a small one, but not two, and not a house registry.

And also, neither of you have ever owned property before? I'm a bit incredulous.

nicleep · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_mortgage-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bf7131ef-b9ed-4d44-a860-84eef6e1831bPost:191a35f6-0f7f-4d55-aca7-b338d9b2e884">Re: Mortgage registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait a sec. People normally don't register for second or third weddings. (Not sure which wedding this is for either of you.) I mean, some people do a small one, but not two, and not a house registry. And also, neither of you have ever owned property before? I'm a bit incredulous.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Although, I completely agree with PP that a morgage registry is a BAD idea- I have to say that couples who are having a second or third of even forth wedding should still feel ok about registering. This will be my first but I wouldn't give the side eye to someone registering for there second (or sixth, for that matter). Past relationships/weddings etc have nada do do with the present (hehe, pun intended). Just my opinion :)

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

Hell, we had a fairly extensive registry in a wide variety of price points, and we still mostly got cash. I can guarantee that if I found out that a couple had some sort of mortgage registry, I'd go out of my way to find them a material gift. I wouldn't contribute to a friend's rent payments, so it's the same principle.

megandjay · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_mortgage-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bf7131ef-b9ed-4d44-a860-84eef6e1831bPost:babefe71-2d1a-4cec-a47a-bbbcbe0e6be2">Re: Mortgage registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mortgage registry? : Although, I completely agree with PP that a morgage registry is a BAD idea- I have to say that couples who are having a second or third of even forth wedding should still feel ok about registering. This will be my first but I wouldn't give the side eye to someone registering for there second (or sixth, for that matter). Past relationships/weddings etc have nada do do with the present (hehe, pun intended). Just my opinion :)
Posted by nicleep[/QUOTE]

The reason people don't register for 2nd or 3rd weddings is because they 'should' have gotten all the necessities for their first wedding. Most of the guests (at least family) were at the first wedding, so they already gave the person a gift!

That being said, I would probably give a small cash or gift card for a 2nd or 3rd wedding. But I would certainly give the side eye to them registering and expecting another gift.

nicleep · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_mortgage-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bf7131ef-b9ed-4d44-a860-84eef6e1831bPost:27ac9904-0355-4f84-bb99-d04c3ebd6863">Re: Mortgage registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mortgage registry? : The reason people don't register for 2nd or 3rd weddings is because they 'should' have gotten all the necessities for their first wedding. Most of the guests (at least family) were at the first wedding, so they already gave the person a gift! That being said, I would probably give a small cash or gift card for a 2nd or 3rd wedding. But I would certainly give the side eye to them registering and expecting another gift.
Posted by megandjay[/QUOTE]

If anyone EXPECTED a gift I'd give the side eye. A registry isn't telling your guests you expect anything (at least I hope not! :)).

There are lots of instances the first part might not be true. (Examples could include no wedding first time around, ex took certain items in divorce...). A lot of people getting married (even for the first time) have all the essentials they really need to have a home (they prob all have towels and plates etc) but still register because two households are combining and/or they want matching stuff. That's the reason I'd do a registry. And the situation would be the same if it was my second marriage. Again, that's just my opinion.

Just a thought, if someone had a house warming party ten years ago and recently moved an is planning another house warming- would you even think twice about bringing a gift?

megandjay · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_mortgage-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bf7131ef-b9ed-4d44-a860-84eef6e1831bPost:963566b0-ba7f-4621-a2b8-fa66323770a9">Re: Mortgage registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mortgage registry? : If anyone EXPECTED a gift I'd give the side eye. A registry isn't telling your guests you expect anything (at least I hope not! :)). There are lots of instances the first part might not be true. (Examples could include no wedding first time around, ex took certain items in divorce...). A lot of people getting married (even for the first time) have all the essentials they really need to have a home (they prob all have towels and plates etc) but still register because two households are combining and/or they want matching stuff. That's the reason I'd do a registry. And the situation would be the same if it was my second marriage. Again, that's just my opinion. Just a thought, if someone had a house warming party ten years ago and recently moved an is planning another house warming- would you even think twice about bringing a gift?
Posted by nicleep[/QUOTE]

No I would bring a housewarming gift, just as I said I would give a gift to a 2nd or 3 marriage.
BUT I did give the side eye when one of my single friends had a house-warming party and registered for it. It wasn't just the registering part that got to me, but the comment that she made- stating that even if people couldn't come they knew where she was registered! Not cool. So I do give the side eye to expecting gifts for house-warmings too.

Snippylynn · October 2010

I'll put it this way. If people all over the US are losing THEIR home, WHY would/should they give YOU a home? It's completely insensitive to the financial situation of most people today.

Rosie109 · October 2010

Getting a crockpot from my cousin's for our engagement made me uncomfortable, I would probably pass out if someone was to give me money to put towards a mortgage. How horrid.

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