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When is okay to uninvite someone?

ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I know there it's really rude to uninvite someone to your wedding. But there has to be a line of extreme behavior when it would be okay. Like you just saw your cousin's husband on to catch a predator. Or your sister in law stole your identity. I think my aunt crossed that line, she slapped a random neighbor kid about 10 years old for swearing. Now FI doesn't want some crazy lady around his daughter at the wedding. I can't blame him. By the way my aunt already said she isn't coming to the wedding, and she has no manners. But if I send her an invitation to just be nice. She can still change her mind and show up. So should I just save postage and not bother with sending her an invite. If she asks I'll tell her the truth. But I don't speak with her often.
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Re: When is okay to uninvite someone?

  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    If you haven't sent invitations yet, then it's not un-inviting. She just won't be invited, which is completely your prerogative. Did you send STDs out? Then things get tricky because STD=invitation. 
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
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    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]If you haven't sent invitations yet, then it's not uninviting. She just won't be invited, which is completely your prerogative. Did you send STDs out? Then things get tricky because STDinvitation.nbsp; Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
    No we skipped save the dates. But my dad verbally invited her.
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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-okay-to-uninvite-someone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2be253dd-0ea4-4abc-929a-3060f0f54a50Post:95a2e074-63fb-4065-b860-ec519da32903">Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: No we skipped save the dates. But my dad verbally invited her.
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    <div>Is your Dad paying for the wedding? His verbal invitation does not equal an actual invite unless he's contributing and wants her to come. </div>
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
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    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: No we skipped save the dates. But my dad verbally invited her.Posted by ErinElizabethRIs your Dad paying for the wedding? His verbal invitation does not equal an actual invite unless he's contributing and wants her to come.nbsp; Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
    Just part, but I don't think dad wants her there either. Plus I think my FI wishes about having someone who walks around slapping kids not around his kid trumps that, doesn't it?
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  • PookiesonPookieson member
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    ^this.

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-okay-to-uninvite-someone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2be253dd-0ea4-4abc-929a-3060f0f54a50Post:8db05a24-e023-49a6-b95f-d83a807cc296">Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: Just part, but I don't think dad wants her there either. Plus I think my<strong> FI wishes about having someone who walks around slapping kids not around his kid trumps that, doesn't it</strong>?
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yes and no, which is why it can get tricky, especially when you're considering the etiquette of the situation. If Dad doesn't want her there, you didn't send STDs, and you haven't sent invites yet then you're in the clear not to invite her. I would let your Dad know you're not planning on inviting her and let him deal with any fallout because it was his verbal invitation that gave her the impression she was invited.

    </div>
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
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    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: Just part, but I don't think dad wants her there either. Plus I think my FI wishes about having someone who walks around slapping kids not around his kid trumps that, doesn't it?Posted by ErinElizabethRYes and no, which is why it can get tricky, especially when you're considering the etiquette of the situation. If Dad doesn't want her there, you didn't send STDs, and you haven't sent invites yet then you're in the clear not to invite her. I would let your Dad know you're not planning on inviting her and let him deal with any fallout because it was his verbal invitation that gave her the impression she was invited. Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
    I'll talk to my dad. But she already said she wasn't coming. So if i know my aunt correctly doubt she'd notice that she didn't get an invitation.
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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    Sounds like you're in the clear then!
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
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    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]Sounds like you're in the clear then! Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
    This is exactly what I'm going to say to my dad "on my wedding day I'll not only become someone's wife but I will also become someone's mother figure, and I will have a responsibility to keep her away from people who act inappropriate towards children. That responsibility is more important than my aunt's hurt feelings." Does that sound okay?
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-okay-to-uninvite-someone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2be253dd-0ea4-4abc-929a-3060f0f54a50Post:653e7472-c84e-476a-ae58-cf41cedb3ce9">Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: This is exactly what I'm going to say to my dad "on my wedding day I'll not only become someone's wife but I will also become someone's mother figure, and I will have a responsibility to keep her away from people who act inappropriate towards children. That responsibility is more important than my aunt's hurt feelings." Does that sound okay?
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    I don't think you even need to say that much. You definitely don't need to invite her, and your dad should deal with delivering the news since he gave the verbal invitation without your approval.
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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-okay-to-uninvite-someone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2be253dd-0ea4-4abc-929a-3060f0f54a50Post:653e7472-c84e-476a-ae58-cf41cedb3ce9">Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: This is exactly what I'm going to say to my dad "on my wedding day I'll not only become someone's wife but I will also become someone's mother figure, and I will have a responsibility to keep her away from people who act inappropriate towards children. That responsibility is more important than my aunt's hurt feelings." Does that sound okay?
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't think you need to be that detailed. Something like, "Hey Dad, I know you told Aunt Jemima that she was invited to the wedding, but we're not going to be able to accommodate her" would be better. If he asks why then you can tell him that you don't agree with her actions towards the neighbour child and leave it at that. </div>
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
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    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: This is exactly what I'm going to say to my dad "on my wedding day I'll not only become someone's wife but I will also become someone's mother figure, and I will have a responsibility to keep her away from people who act inappropriate towards children. That responsibility is more important than my aunt's hurt feelings." Does that sound okay?Posted by ErinElizabethRI don't think you need to be that detailed. Something like, "Hey Dad, I know you told Aunt Jemima that she was invited to the wedding, but we're not going to be able to accommodate her" would be better. If he asks why then you can tell him that you don't agree with her actions towards the neighbour child and leave it at that.nbsp; Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]
    Thanks
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    If you're making this a big deal I think you need to cite other incidents more recent than ten years ago to your dad...  I'd also tell him to stop talking about the wedding with her as well.
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]If you're making this a big deal I think you need to cite other incidents more recent than ten years ago to your dad... nbsp;I'd also tell him to stop talking about the wedding with her as well. Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]


    I believe that the incident just happened. She hit a ten year old but I don't think it was ten years ago. OP, I would follow the advice given above to just have yourdad tell her she can't be accommodated if she asks.
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
    First Comment
    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]If you're making this a big deal I think you need to cite other incidents more recent than ten years ago to your dad... nbsp;I'd also tell him to stop talking about the wedding with her as well. Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE] the kid is 10 years old. It happened about a week ago.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-okay-to-uninvite-someone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2be253dd-0ea4-4abc-929a-3060f0f54a50Post:6616e3a2-3a38-4375-bf4c-9f8bd65481ce">Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: the kid is 10 years old. It happened about a week ago.
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    <div>I misread it! I thought it was it happened ten years ago.  In that case, she sounds like a real gem! :)</div>
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  • ErinElizabethRErinElizabethR
    First Comment
    In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?:In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: the kid is 10 years old. It happened about a week ago.Posted by ErinElizabethRI misread it! I thought it was it happened ten years ago. nbsp;In that case, she sounds like a real gem! : Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]
    The kicker is that it was a neighbor kid playing with her grand kids, it wasn't like she was in a position to discipline the kid. Instead of just scolding the kid or telling him to go home, she slapped him.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-is-okay-to-uninvite-someone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2be253dd-0ea4-4abc-929a-3060f0f54a50Post:7a89e74c-a62f-41a5-aab6-0211f8c72c8e">Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:When is okay to uninvite someone?: The kicker is that it was a neighbor kid playing with her grand kids, it wasn't like she was in a position to discipline the kid. Instead of just scolding the kid or telling him to go home, she slapped him.
    Posted by ErinElizabethR[/QUOTE]

    <div>I hope the kiddo's parents are dealing with the situation... :(</div>
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