About two weeks ago I created a post involving MIL's temper tantrum when she found out that BIL and SIL might want to spend some time with just DH and me. (GASP!)
Here's a link to the original:http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ugh-mil-vent
Things were ultimately smoothed over. She realized that there was no changing of the plans and DH and I loaned BIL and SIL one of our cars so there would be no way that MIL would be able to say, "Oh you can't leave because you didn't rent a car and you can't borrow mine."
And of course, that was not without incident either:http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwr-good-deed-goes-unpunished
BIL and SIL came and left. The visit with them was wonderful and MIL appeared to behave herself for the most part. Of course there were a few insults here and there at my husband's intelligence (mentioned his college GPA over Thanksgiving dessert!) and she grated on the nerves with her standard comments cutting people down but there were no temper tantrums once BIL and SIL were in town.
I know at some point the behavior needs to be addressed by DH and BIL but for now, we'll just deal with things as they come. The hardest part for me as a wife is to bite my tongue when she makes these comments in front of DH or when I find out she's manipulated us and lied to us. We'll still handle things on a case by case basis though.
And of course, let's see what happens come Christmas!
Thanks for all the words of encouragement in the previous post. I don't know that there's any true solution but it did feel great to be on the same page with BIL and SIL so we know we're not alone.