Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion
Options

MOH wants to step down.. maybe?

soontobehanbysoontobehanby member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Party
So, earlier I had posted on here about how my MOH had picked her wedding date 2 weeks before mine and I was upset.  Well, I got over it. It's not just our wedding date that matters in life and I grew up and moved on.  She has since moved her date for her own reasons.  Here is where I am lost...

She keeps telling me if I want her to step down she will.  I continue to tell her no, silly, you are my best friend.  I asked you to be my MOH for a reason and I would really like you to stand up with me.  She said again that she would understand if I asked her to step down. This repeated for like 10 min. Also she wants me to be the photographer for her wedding.  I don't want to do this for several reasons.  A. I don't want to be a vendor at her wedding.  I want to be a guest and celebrate her day. B. She is expecting me to do this for free which I just can't do.  That is an expensive service that takes a lot of time after the fact to finish.  Plus my FI and I will be moving, so that would be SO much for me to try to smoosh into a few weeks to a month.  Advice?
Wedding Countdown Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: MOH wants to step down.. maybe?

  • Options
    DMoore421DMoore421 member
    First Comment First Anniversary

    tell her that you just cannot be the photographer , there is no way for you to do that and move and finish the pictures all while trying to finalize your wedding plans and enjoy the first few weeks / months of wedded bliss...

    Wedding Countdown Ticker ~~December Sept. 2013 Siggy Challenge~~ Now & Then Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • Options
    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited September 2012
    Oy, I hate people who think that creative services should be given for free.  My photographer and videographer were both friends, and while they offered us discounts, they were both under contract and paid.  I'm always tempted to ask those people who want me to write/shoot/paint something for them and don't want to pay to do their job for me totally for free and then point out how ridiculous they're being when they get all offended.

    I'd offer to give her some recommendations and maybe contact information if you have it for photographers that might work for her if you know of anyone, but you definitely don't have to work her wedding.  I think you just need to be firm and direct, then change the subject and don't let her change it back.  "I love you, but I just cannot work your wedding.  As for mine, if you don't feel up to it, that's your decision to make, but I wouldn't dream of kicking you out.  I'm not going to change my mind on either of these, so I'd rather not discuss them anymore.  So where'd you get that blouse?  I've been looking for one like that."
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
    Report Reply
  • Options
    calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Yeah, as far as the asking if you want her to step down goes, it sounds like you're at a point where it might not hurt to say "I don't want you to step down, but it's kind of starting to sound like YOU want to step down.  Do you want to talk about this?" the next time she brings it up.

    As for the photography, just tell her you can't do it.  I mean, really.  Just say that you're not taking on any photography clients (paid OR as a gift) because your schedule can't support it.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Ditto PPs.   I think you're handling it well on both sides.   
    Report Reply
  • Options
    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    You are handling this well.  I have a hard and fast rule that I absolutely will not do any legal work for friends or family because they always expect it for free or a drastically reduced hourly fee.  If you don't have this rule, I would suggest starting it.  Too many people have no idea how much work goes into professional photography.  If it were easy and just snapping the shots, then the photographer could just run down to Target, print them out and you could have your pictures before the end of the reception.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    thegeekyduothegeekyduo
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-wants-to-step-down-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4d97463-8d46-4649-9620-b4da91db575cPost:df9bb51b-39ba-432f-9642-6582db1b7b79">Re: MOH wants to step down.. maybe?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oy, I hate people who think that creative services should be given for free.  My photographer and videographer were both friends, and while they offered us discounts, they were both under contract and paid.  I'm always tempted to ask those people who want me to write/shoot/paint something for them and don't want to pay to do their job for me totally for free and then point out how ridiculous they're being when they get all offended. I'd offer to give her some recommendations and maybe contact information if you have it for photographers that might work for her if you know of anyone, but you definitely don't have to work her wedding.  I think you just need to be firm and direct, then change the subject and don't let her change it back.  "I love you, but I just cannot work your wedding.  As for mine, if you don't feel up to it, that's your decision to make, but I wouldn't dream of kicking you out.  I'm not going to change my mind on either of these, so I'd rather not discuss them anymore.  So where'd you get that blouse?  I've been looking for one like that."
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I 100% agree.

    </div>
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    As for the photography, I would tell her that I'm uncomfortable mixing professional and personal, and that I'd rather enjoy the wedding as a guest, but that I'd help her choose a photographer if she wanted my imput.  I have the same rule as GLB.  There's the whole issue about price and using taking advantage, but there's also huge problems when things don't come out as expected.  

    As far as your wedding, I would leave it alone.  If she brings it up again, I would directly say "Sue, I want you to be in my wedding.  I asked you for a reason.  Do you want to be in my wedding, or are you trying to drop out?"  
    Report Reply
  • Options
    soontobehanbysoontobehanby member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    We had lunch and I spoke with her yesterday.  I tried to avoid the wedding topic but she brought it up again.  She asked if I would still consider shooting her wedding.  I said I am sorry! I just can't.  It doesn't work with my schedule and I would hate to miss out on her wedding because I was working.  She said its not like I would really be missing it since I can see through the camera (ok?) and then she said that  if we didn't do it they would end up having to pay for a photographer. I told her either way, she would have to pay.  I absolutely cannot do it for free.  I tried to finish the conversation with Love, I can't do it.  I am putting my foot down.  I will not be your wedding photographer.  You will need to look else where.  She said, well, we will see.  It is MY wedding and as my friend you should do it. Just saying.  I didn't continue the conversation after that. I was kinda boiling and my food had arrived.  It was an awkward quiet lunch.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-wants-to-step-down-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4d97463-8d46-4649-9620-b4da91db575cPost:7bb74704-68b8-43dc-9f79-2a0533e1896d">Re: MOH wants to step down.. maybe?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We had lunch and I spoke with her yesterday.  I tried to avoid the wedding topic but she brought it up again.  She asked if I would still consider shooting her wedding.  I said I am sorry! I just can't.  It doesn't work with my schedule and I would hate to miss out on her wedding because I was working.  She said its not like I would really be missing it since I can see through the camera (ok?) and then she said that  if we didn't do it they would end up having to pay for a photographer. I told her either way, she would have to pay.  I absolutely cannot do it for free.  I tried to finish the conversation with Love, I can't do it.  I am putting my foot down.  I will not be your wedding photographer.  You will need to look else where.  She said, well, we will see.  It is MY wedding and as my friend you should do it. Just saying.  I didn't continue the conversation after that. I was kinda boiling and my food had arrived.  It was an awkward quiet lunch.
    Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]

    Wow, your friend sounds awesome!

    Report Reply
  • Options
    soontobehanbysoontobehanby member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-wants-to-step-down-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4d97463-8d46-4649-9620-b4da91db575cPost:7c65168c-c876-4783-a65c-6758121dd567">Re: MOH wants to step down.. maybe?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH wants to step down.. maybe? : Wow, your friend sounds awesome!
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    Right?! I picked her to be my MOH a long time ago and now I wish I had waited. I made a pretty big mistake there I think.  I won't ask her to step down, but if she comes to that decision on her own, I think I may be relieved.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    thegeekyduothegeekyduo
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-wants-to-step-down-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4d97463-8d46-4649-9620-b4da91db575cPost:7bb74704-68b8-43dc-9f79-2a0533e1896d">Re: MOH wants to step down.. maybe?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We had lunch and I spoke with her yesterday.  I tried to avoid the wedding topic but she brought it up again.  She asked if I would still consider shooting her wedding.  I said I am sorry! I just can't.  It doesn't work with my schedule and I would hate to miss out on her wedding because I was working.  She said its not like I would really be missing it since I can see through the camera (ok?) and then she said that  if we didn't do it they would end up having to pay for a photographer. I told her either way, she would have to pay.  I absolutely cannot do it for free.  I tried to finish the conversation with Love, I can't do it.  I am putting my foot down.  I will not be your wedding photographer.  You will need to look else where.  She said, well, we will see.  It is MY wedding and as my friend you should do it. Just saying.  I didn't continue the conversation after that. I was kinda boiling and my food had arrived.  It was an awkward quiet lunch.
    Posted by soontobehanby[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>That is just ridiculous! I have 3 friends that are photographers, but I wouldn't dare ask them to miss my wedding to shoot it instead. How does she not see that just because you are physically there, doesn't mean that you are going to be able to be right by her side as her MOH if you are running all over the place shooting everything. 

    </div>
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards