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Invitation wording

Pretty ParulaPretty Parula
First Comment
in Florida-Central Florida
We're trying to finalise our invitation wording - eek! Can you guys help me work on it? What we have right now is kinda flowery, which I think we could be fine with, but I kinda want to come up with something a little more sassy and fun. Whatcha think? (Also feel free to hit up grammatical oddities, spacing, and whatnot.) TIA!!!

Here it is:

 

Together we laugh, we dream, 

we love and on this day, we marry!

 

We

Alyssa Leanne Moody

and

Brian Curtis Waters

 

Invite you to join us

as we celebrate

with heartfelt joy

the day we pledge

our love as one.

 

Our garden ceremony will begin at

5 o’clock in the evening

on April 2, 2010

at the historic Casa Feliz

in Winter Park, Florida.

 

Dinner and merriment to follow.

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Fabulosity in the Works / Rockin' the Rock / For Sale
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Re: Invitation wording

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    SRivera09SRivera09 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Oh I love it!!!  it's perfect!  and my grammer sucks so i found nothing wrong!! lol

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    Megs30Megs30
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I really like it!!  It is very sweet.
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    ericak926ericak926 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Love it!
    Photobucket
    Anniversary
    Holy Matrimony Concoction
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    skhynesskhynes member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sassy you say?  How about:

    "Today, the free milk ends.
    He's finally buying the cow!"

    J/K - anyway the first sentence reads a little awkward to me...too many "we"s I think.  I think it would read nicer if it said: Together we laugh, dream, and love
    And on this day, we marry!

    Invite you to join us    as we celebrate,with heartfelt joy,the day we pledge our love as one.

    I added a couple commas and the last line is a little strange.  Is there a better way to say that same sentiment?

    Also, it should be 5 o'clock in the afternoon, not evening


     
    Claire Elisabeth born at 27w1d on 2/20/11
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    adarlingztaadarlingzta member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LMAO skhynes!
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    Pretty ParulaPretty Parula
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ROFL Hynes!

    And I agree with you about the sections you mentioned. I was thinking the same things. We'll probably change the last line to "dinner and dancing" and streamline the chorus of "we's" as you pointed out. Thankye much!
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    Fabulosity in the Works / Rockin' the Rock / For Sale
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    cjbwifey2010cjbwifey2010 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LMAO Hynes that was hilarious!!!!

    Alyssa, I love it thought. With the little fix ups that Sarah did, it was awesome!
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    amyers321amyers321 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'll add a suggestion.....
    Spelling out the date is supposed to be "etiquette" but it's really more of your choice.

    IE
    It would read
    on Friday, the second of April
    Two thousand and ten(or Two Thousand ten whichever you prefer)

    It's really a preference thing though. Some people prefer it spelled out and others prefer it as just a date.
     
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    bighallsbighalls
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Its great!!
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