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something I noticed...

gfam23gfam23
First Comment
in Second Weddings
was reading some of the posts under "intros" and noticed I am not alone in a fairly short amount of time between first date and wedding date, or at least a fairly short engagement.  Do you think it is because some of us are having smaller weddings this time and don't need a long time to plan, and/or because the second time around you are either sure of what you want (hence short time between first date and wedding) or not?

this is my case (only about 9 months between 1st date and wedding date, possibly less if we can move it up) so I guess it made me notice and feel a bit better!  I feel confident about everything I'm doing.... but as you all know people love to judge... especially my family!!
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Re: something I noticed...

  • dewingedpixiedewingedpixie member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    I have a longer period between the engagement and marraige, for the reasons you stated. Neither of us had a real wedding before. I also am finishing out my bachelor degree before we say "I Do"
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    We had three years before first date and our handfasting, another 15 months after handfasting to legal wedding.  We have a saying about statistics where we work.  If you torture the data, it surely will confess.  Just depends upon your perspective, and who you're counting. 

    And Dewingedpixie, if you had to get a divorce or your spouse died to end your previous marriage, then you did, indeed have a REAL wedding.  Stating that way insults those of us who chose to have a wedding with no guests and no attendants, or just a few in attendance (as you chose, the first time, in reality!). 
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  • StormzStormz
    First Comment
    I am actually taking longer this time. N and I started dating early last year and just now are making sure Im divorced before we announce our engagement. We are getting married next April early May. We have not set a date in stone yet we are still checking out venues and trying to leave the date open to plan. So we will technically have an 11 month engagement this time and been dating a year before we were engaged.

    I knew what I wanted and did not want. Perhaps if my house would not have burnt down we would have moved faster but I am pretty content where we are at .
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I wanted to take my time for a couple of reasons -- neither of which had to do with being unsure: (1) there was no biological clock ticking, as with my first marriage (those damned things can be deafening!) and (2) he and I wanted to enjoy some of life's transitions, together, as single people moving toward a natural, harmonious partnership and marriage. 

    There was no rush.  Our combined life experience (he's 56; I'm 51) taught us that even though we can "feel" tremendous connection, it takes longer than a few months for one's true self to be revealed.  With absolutely no delusions we could change one another, each of us felt it was to our advantage to live and learn about each other before taking the very serious step of getting married. 

    It worked for us.  So far, so good.
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  • coopsbabycoopsbaby member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    We'll be at about 2 years from first date to marriage, so pretty long I think. We would have done it sooner, but I had to coordinate with my work schedule (I mostly work in late spring through Christmas, and 50-80 hours a week), so needed to not bein that time period, plus my kids are older and it's harder to take them out of school for a week for our destination wedding, so we're doing it over their spring break. 

    If it worked out better we would have gone for this fall though, since I'm way more laid back planning this time!
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  • dewingedpixiedewingedpixie member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_something-i-noticed-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:8580250d-63ba-46ae-9527-2ed215d64d0ePost:88fb61a9-4cb5-4583-9224-5422e1f6b613">Re: something I noticed...</a>:
    [QUOTE]We had three years before first date and our handfasting, another 15 months after handfasting to legal wedding.  We have a saying about statistics where we work.  If you torture the data, it surely will confess.  Just depends upon your perspective, and who you're counting.  And Dewingedpixie, if you had to get a divorce or your spouse died to end your previous marriage, then you did, indeed have a REAL wedding.  Stating that way insults those of us who chose to have a wedding with no guests and no attendants, or just a few in attendance (as you chose, the first time, in reality!). 
    Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

    I didnt mean for it to be an insult. I wanted a real ceremony, ex refused after the fact. In many ways my 1st marraige was not a real marraige. I really dont want to go into this though. With this marraige we want a real party ok :D a celebration because this time we've got it right.
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  • F&E050413F&E050413
    First Comment
    Well our first date was March 5th of this year - we plan to get married May 4th of 2013 - we would have had our wedding much closer than that, but his divorce will not be final until Jan 2013
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Our first date was in  Novemeber 1978 - we were 15 we dated briefly and then were best friends until the Army transfered him to Germany when we were 21.  He didn't get my letters and they weren't returned to me.  

    We got in touch via email through the coordinator of our 20 year HS reunion in 2001, both of us were happily married to other people so our emails were very benign; mainly vacation stories, family photos and the occasional joke.

    In 2008 both of our "happy" marriages ended for very similar reasons his x-wife started a long distance affair and my x-husband started dating a woman he met through work.  We both filed for divorce in 2009; he in Feb and me in Mar.  We reunited on April 3rd 2009, got engaged April 3rd 2010 and married on April 3rd 2011. 


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  • boaznruthboaznruth
    First Comment
    My divorce was finalized 3 years ago.  We were already casually dating then since I'd been separated almost a year previous.  I think everyone does things on their own timelines.  I know I actually was more gunshy about serious commitment after my marriage.  It took a couple of years for me to think I'd ever marry anyone again.  It likely depends quite a bit on what your previous marriage was like and other factors.
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  • AshDreamerAshDreamer
    First Comment
    First date was 9 months ago... However our wedding is in 11 months... I figure that gives us enough time.   

    And I always joke that the FI is so old that's why we didn't wait :)
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  • PopPowPopPow
    First Comment
    My first marriage it was 11 months from the first date until the wedding. My second and last marriage will be 4 years from first date to the wedding.
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  • RoseButtercupRoseButtercup
    First Comment
    We dated six months before getting engaged.  Our wedding will be 13 months after we started dating.

    I am confident in this primarily because of the way we've approached this relationship.  We've both had failed marriages, and we both havad a very good idea of what our issues were that contributed to those failures.  We also each had a long list of what was truly important to us in a new relationship.

    We live an hour apart, and the first few months we dated we literally spent 10-15 hours a week talking (primarily on video chat).  We talked about daily stuff and we each bought a few books of questions and we'd go through those topics one by one.  We don't know everything about each other's pasts, but we were both getting pretty good at predictng the other's opinion on a lot of it.

    We've tackled situations that make a lot of couples fight - huge yard project at my house, planning a vacation, etc - and we've reached consensus without any anger.

    We can articulate what we see as the other person's flaws and how we plan to deal with those perceived weaknesses. 

    I think we're seeing each other as complete people now. 
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  • adaisyandaroseadaisyandarose member
    First Comment
    My first marriage we were together 2 1/2 years before we got married. I was 20 years old. This time it will be 11 months. We have both worked through why our marriage ended before we met. It feels right and this time honestly I could care less about the details of the wedding and just want to be married to this awesome man for the rest of my life. I am now 38 and will be 39 just 2 days after the wedding.
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