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Pregnant bridesmaid!

Liane28Liane28
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am thrilled that my sister-in-law to be just announced to us that she is about 4 weeks pregnant!! :) 

It just so happens that she is also one of my bridesmaids and it also just happens to be that she is due about a week before our wedding...I know that the due date doesn't necessarily mean she will have the baby on that exact day and whether she has it then, a week later or the day of the wedding, I'm not sure what to do here...

While I still want her to be my bridesmaid, I don't want her to feel as though she has to for multiple reasons.  She might end up having the baby a week before the wedding, in which case I doubt she'd want to/be able to be there or whatever...there is also a chance of her being in labour on the wedding day, in which case she wouldnt be there and there is also the chance of her not having the baby by the wedding, but then I doubt she would want to take the chance to walk down the aisle when overdue...

Should I wait for her to tell me what she wants to do or ask her upfront?
What's the best way to go about this?

And if she says she would prefer to give up her "title" lol, is it wrong to find a replacement?
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Re: Pregnant bridesmaid!

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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pregnant-bridesmaid-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:36e758c0-59e3-4443-bb3e-afd4926295d6Post:8c790912-bfd5-48b6-9722-3c6eb0c716f6">Pregnant bridesmaid!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am thrilled that my sister-in-law to be just announced to us that she is about 4 weeks pregnant!! :)  It just so happens that she is also one of my bridesmaids and it also just happens to be that she is due about a week before our wedding...I know that the due date doesn't necessarily mean she will have the baby on that exact day and whether she has it then, a week later or the day of the wedding, I'm not sure what to do here... While I still want her to be my bridesmaid, I don't want her to feel as though she has to for multiple reasons.  She might end up having the baby a week before the wedding, in which case I doubt she'd want to/be able to be there or whatever...there is also a chance of her being in labour on the wedding day, in which case she wouldnt be there and there is also the chance of her not having the baby by the wedding, but then I doubt she would want to take the chance to walk down the aisle when overdue... Should I wait for her to tell me what she wants to do or ask her upfront? What's the best way to go about this? And if she says she would prefer to give up her "title" lol, is it wrong to find a replacement?
    Posted by Liane28[/QUOTE]


    You can assume she wants to continue to be a BM unless she tells you otherwise.

    If she does decide to drop out, it is HORRIBLY rude to find a replacement.  People are not props.  Presumably, you picked your nearest and dearest to be in your wedding party.  Picking someone else to basically be a placeholder is rude.  It's basically saying "you weren't really important enough to be in the WP originally, but now I need a stand-in"

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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    mrskristinycmrskristinyc member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Just talk to her and come up with a plan that you're both happy with. If she decides to try to stay a bridesmaid, try to be accommodating by letting her sit down throuh the ceremony, and let her pick a dress that will be flattering/comfortable for het at 9 months pregnant. 

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    peterandlauraforeverpeterandlauraforever
    First Comment
    Your friend will let you know if she's not up for walking down the aisle or not. If she makes a comment about it you could casually mention that the decision is hers and that you will understand if she's not up to it and that she can decide the day of if she wants. Don't find a replacement because that's just not polite.
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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I wouldn't find a replacement. That person will know they were your second choice and just there to fill a spot. I would just ask your sister to let you know as the day gets closer.

    She can hold off on ordering her dress until the last minute (check with the bridal shop for a deadline), since her measurements will change so much.

    Additionally, if she is still pregnant on your wedding day and uncomfortable on her feet, she could walk down the aisle and then take a seat in the front row. This is a pretty common solution for pregnant BMs.

    If she does have the baby or can't make it for whatever reason (like bedrest), just have the sides be uneven.

    Congrats, Auntie! :)
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    ajordan627ajordan627 member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    I would say talk to your sister 1:1 and tell her how much you would love for her to be a part of your day, but that it's her decision in the end.  If she wouldn't feel comfortable standing for the reception or wearing a dress or whatever, no problem and you understand and you still love her, and if she does feel up to it, great! I would keep in mind that babies don't always show up on-time, so be prepared if your sis says yes and then has to drop out in the few weeks proceeding the wedding because she's not feeling well or your new neice/nephew has arrived earlier/later than expected. I'd just tell her you'd love for her to be a part of y'all's special day, but in the end, no worries if she can't! But that's just me - I'm kinda upfront about these things.  One of my BMs is pregnant now (baby is due several months before the wedding), and I've told that I'd love for her to be there, but not to worry about giving me an answer until after she's had the baby and settled into motherhood, and no worries if she just doesn't feel up to it - we'll still be friends regardless! :)

    If she says no and doesn't know how many bridesmaids you were planning on having and you want your party to be even, then ask someone else.  Bear in mind that you want to strategically coordinate this though because you don't want to offend your "back up BM."

    Congratulations on becoming an aunt!!! :)
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    emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I didn't read your post, but just to freak you out a bit, the last time I heard of this happening IRL, the chick gave birth the day of the wedding. Everyone said it was a great wedding present though! :) 
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    allychaseallychase member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    I don't think you should say anything about it. She's a BM regardless if she's giving birth in a hospital while you're saying I Do or if she's standing beside you with a big round belly. My FSIL is going to be 34 weeks preg at the wedding and is a high risk pregnancy. We wouldn't even consider asking if she still wants to be a BM. Fingers crossed she can make it, but as long as mommy and baby are okay then it doesn't matter. She'll tell you if she is too uncomfortable or its too much pressure worrying if she will be able to make it or not.
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    Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I agree with everyone else.  FWIW, 4 weeks is SUPER SUPER SUPER early in pregnancy.  Like, as early as you can possibly find out you're pregnant  (I'm five weeks....so yeah).  A whole lot can happen in the first trimester.  Not to freak you (or her) out, but don't start worrying about this yet.   Give it till the end of the first trimester before you start making plans for it.   Then, just see how she feels.  


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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
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    4 weeks is really early to tell people.
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    jennyjainjennyjain
    First Comment
    this happened to me too! Actually, i was more suprized that my family was asking if i would take her off the bridal party.  NO WAY!. She is due about a week after the wedding.  She wouldn't even hear of  not participating. Neither would I want her not too.  #1. Pregnant women are adorable.  #2. What a great way to celebrate our friendship, through all these milestones of life!
    In doing this, we understand that theres always a chance baby could come early.  If it happens, then we can double celebrate!
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