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How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?

mdupon70997mdupon70997 member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party
Recently I got a question from one of my bridesmaids (let's call her Susie) that I'm not quite sure of how to respond. I was a bridesmaid in Susie's wedding last December. We each paid for our own dresses and shoes, but she let each of us pick out our own dress (as long as it was the correct color and length.) Not only will she be a bridesmaid for my wedding in April 2013, she will also be a bridesmaid in another wedding in May 2013. The bride for this other wedding called her a few days ago to tell Susie that she went out and bought the bridesmaids' shoes and that they could pick them up at her house. Yesterday I was talking to Susie and she asked, "What kind of shoes are you getting for us for your wedding?" All I could say was that I haven't found anything I liked yet. I have never planned on buying the bridesmaids' shoes or dresses. I was thinking about maybe paying for a small portion of their attire (if our budget will allow), but never mentioned it to Susie. I have always been under the impression that if you are asked to be a bridesmaid and you agree, you should be willing to pay for your own dress and shoes. And Susie never offered to help pay for our dresses or shoes for her wedding. What do you guys think? Am I wrong for being a little upset or confused? Should Susie have assumed that I was paying for the shoes? How should I respond to this?
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Re: How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?

  • dtbluvdtbluv member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Are you asking your bridesmaids to wear a specific pair of shoes, or just generic black, silver, gold, whatever shoes?
    If it's the former, please consider paying for the shoes, but if it is latter just say, "Oh, any pair of black (substitute generic shoe color of your choosing) shoes will do, no need for everyone to have to have new ones."
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited November 2012
    "What kind of shoes are you getting us for your wedding?"

    "Oh, no need for new shoes.  Just wear a pair of black heels that you own."

    Bridesmaids buy the dress.  If the bride wants specific shoes, accessories, hairstyles, make up, etc... then that's on the bride to pay for, not her.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Ditto Joy.

    Unless your request for shoe choice is so specific that there's no way they own the style and color they buy them.
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  • EK2013EK2013 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:a104d241-4c26-4a74-91b5-41a65f9f93e3">How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Recently I got a question from one of my bridesmaids (let's call her Susie) that I'm not quite sure of how to respond. I was a bridesmaid in Susie's wedding last December. We each paid for our own dresses and shoes, but she let each of us pick out our own dress (as long as it was the correct color and length.) Not only will she be a bridesmaid for my wedding in April 2013, she will also be a bridesmaid in another wedding in May 2013. The bride for this other wedding called her a few days ago to tell Susie that she went out and bought the bridesmaids' shoes and that they could pick them up at her house. Yesterday I was talking to Susie and she asked, "What kind of shoes are you getting for us for your wedding?" All I could say was that I haven't found anything I liked yet. I have never planned on buying the bridesmaids' shoes or dresses. I was thinking about maybe paying for a small portion of their attire (if our budget will allow), but never mentioned it to Susie. I have always been under the impression that if you are asked to be a bridesmaid and you agree, you should be willing to pay for your own dress and shoes. And Susie never offered to help pay for our dresses or shoes for her wedding. What do you guys think? Am I wrong for being a little upset or confused? Should Susie have assumed that I was paying for the shoes? How should I respond to this?
    Posted by mdupon70997[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I asked my girls to wear any heel or dressy sandal in silver, bronze, white, yellow, gold, or nude. This left them tons of options for shopping in their own closets (though, admittedly, not as much as if I'd wanted black) and tons of options for shopping sales if they didn't like what they already had.</div><div>
    </div><div>It sounds like you'd been contemplating asking your ladies to wear matching shoes. What were you envisioning?</div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>
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  • mdupon70997mdupon70997 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks. That's what I've been thinking. I told her that I didn't find anything I liked because I didn't know what else to say. I've been considering nude heels, but nothing specific like "patent leather with a 3 inch stacked wood heel by Steve Madden." Just any nude heel will do. And a few of my maids already have nude heels. 
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  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I recommend giving them more latitude than just "nude", so she understands the shoes are on her. You could say light, tan, beige, gold, you get the idea. Also, I think she was either quite rude or being sarcastic, given the circumstances.
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  • minko1986minko1986 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Yea.. I was in a similar situtation and it took me a while to get over it. Actually, I'm still not over it. I'm still a bit upset - but oh well, I'll get over it...
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:bee5d762-0c19-402c-8e76-75a14ebda113">Re: How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I recommend giving them more latitude than just "nude", so she understands the shoes are on her. You could say light, tan, beige, gold, you get the idea.

    Also, I think she was either quite rude or being sarcastic, given the circumstances.
    Posted by va4ryans[/QUOTE]


    I don't understand this. How is 'any nude shoe' unclear?



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  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:08dde05d-b1aa-449c-9031-d2a9e6e12303">Re: How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid? :
    I don't understand this. How is 'any nude shoe' unclear?
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    I didn't say unclear. I said more latitude than just one color.

    I believe the expression on this board is that you have reading comprehension fail.
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  • ftrmrsweatherdonftrmrsweatherdon
    First Comment
    Maybe she was asking becuase she thinks she can wear the shoes from the other wedding to your wedding?
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:b1df3fc0-e7b0-48cb-a439-fa7cf5f811bb">Re:How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?: I don't think it's about nude being unclear as much as it not really being an easy to purchase universal color. Not everyone has it, and unlike a metallic like gold or bronze or silver, you can't just run down to Payless for nude heels.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
    Well I agree in that I dislike nude shoes and don't own any, but I don't see a problem with saying "any nude shoe."  I think that gives enough information for the bridesmaid  to find something to fit.  Then again, I've never been shopping for nude shoes, since I don't like them, so I could be wrong.  I see them suggested a lot, though, as something that many women already have in their closet. 



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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:bc7f64c2-1b4c-4f36-b54e-24fcd2a041ee">Re: How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid? : I didn't say unclear. I said more latitude than just one color. I believe the expression on this board is that you have reading comprehension fail.
    Posted by va4ryans[/QUOTE]
    Thanks for being a snot.  I'll be sure to reply to your questions in kind in the future.



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  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Retread, nude shoes are basically tan. Thank you.
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  • mdupon70997mdupon70997 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:43ef44fb-ff6f-4460-93c3-918c647ea88c">Re: How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We all know how to read.  There is no need for childish insults such as, "You can't read, or understand what you read." Just what are "nude" shoes, anyway?  I've never heard of "nude" shoes, except on this board.  Does that mean a skin-tone-color shoe, or plastic see-through Cinderalla shoes?
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Nude shes are flesh toned, almost like a taupe. I think the plastic ones would be considered clear.</div>
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  • FancypantsamyFancypantsamy member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:b1df3fc0-e7b0-48cb-a439-fa7cf5f811bb">Re:How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?: I don't think it's about nude being unclear as much as it not really being an easy to purchase universal color. Not everyone has it, and unlike a metallic like gold or bronze or silver, <strong>you can't just run down to Payless for nude heels.</strong>
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually they are pretty easy to get. I told my BMs to get any nude shoe - since they were wearing navy blue, which looks odd with black. I went with nude partially because there was such a good selection at Target and Payless.Two of them already had pairs in their closets (one with strappy wedges and one with peep toe ballet flats) and the other two went on the Payless website and found a basic pair of pumps for $25. One of those two was given the same request for a wedding next spring (hooray for rewearing!), so I think nude is becoming the new "Buy any <u>insert metallic</u> shoe." I think the Middletons had something to do with it. </div>
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  • cevans11cevans11
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-to-respond-to-awkward-question-from-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1976a3b8-2104-4f52-a412-c1a4ce15315fPost:ca28e513-2b86-4f0a-a8c4-56de0d7f2f9f">Re:How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:How to Respond to Awkward Question from Bridesmaid? : I've been looking for nude pumps for under $40 for 6 months and cannot find them in any store around here, including the two you listed.  Maybe it's different in different stores?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>The availability of nude shoes can depend on the season too, I think. I've had a hard time finding them in the fall/winter, but see them a lot in the spring/summer. But they've also gotten a lot more popular so that might be changing. FWIW, I got nude ankle booties at DSW for right around $40. But again, back in the summer. So that might not actually be helpful, sorry. </div><div>
    </div><div>But what's available seasonally is something to consider when asking BMs to shop for a specific color shoe (or dress for that matter). </div>
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  • 0312syd19860312syd1986 member
    First Comment
    Since when was it the bride's job to purchase specific items for bridesmaids?! i.e. specific type of shoes, jewllery, ect.  I missed that memo haha.

    And as far as trying to find shoes under $40, I know payless and rack room shoes usually have a BOGO on shoes so maybe if your BMs live near each other, or know each other well enough they can go in together to help the cost.  Just a thought.
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