Grrrr....

palmettogirl924 · October 2010

Edit: Momentary lapse of judgement/ feeling the need to vent...

Not that I don't love being chewed out by you... but you know you've all vented before. Maybe I should start a blog.... hmmmm.

**Mutley** · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:1506a4cf-cf06-4f95-95d9-e9a944421de9">Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my BF of 3 years has finally gotten into ring shopping, we've gone a few times together and he got a feel for the styles I liked. Last week he ordered a Neil Lane from Kay's and had to apply for a credit card becasue it was a special order (they don't carry them in the store) but he didn't actually "buy" it, just had to hold it on a card until it came in and then decide whether or not we liked it and he was able to send it back. Before we went to look at it he kept telling me not to get my hopes up, he wasn't buying it, he was going to send it back and come back with cash because he'd have more "bargaining" room and he doesn't want to put that on a card. We went to look at it last night, and of course, I love it. But he told the girl to have the sales guys touch base with him on Friday, asked how much time he has until they send it back...etc. He keeps saying he wants to pay for it cash, but it'll definitly happen by Feb. I'm just annoyed... I know it's stupid! But he says things like we'll get married by Feb. 2012 and so on and if you have a card with no interest, why not just buy it?! He also won't talk about it with me after we go look at it because he says I'm too "wrapped up in it"... then don't take me to go ring shopping. It's like showing a dog a treat... Then he says he isn't sure he likes it, he still really likes solatires, and he also thinks it looks too much like his friends ring.. even though it doesn't, etc. etc. etc. He showed a picture to his dad who isn't a fan either and says he knows a jewler who could probably do something similar but cheaper... he keeps saying it's so far away, but still talks abou tit with my parents... Feb is not far away! GRRRRR just a vent. I'm extremly aggrivated... I know I shouldn't though. :( bad day today.
Posted by palmettogirl924[/QUOTE]

Get over it. Reread what you just wrote. You sound ridiculously selfish.

It probably will be much cheaper to have a jeweler recreate the ring.

motoLyn · October 2010

I think you need to take a step back, take a breath and really think what you are so worked up about. Yes it is a ring that you will wear for the rest of your life, BUT its also a ring that he will want to look at the rest of his life. I'm not sure how the other knotties faired, but with my FI he wanted a ring that the BOTH of us would love. So he had a stake in what it looked like too. I didn't argue with him on that cause he was the one that had to pay for a ring that I was going to wear.

If your BF isn't thinking of proposing till February then you both have plenty of time to go and see if he can find that same ring or similar for a better price. Why would you want to blow all that cash when you guys could probably find it for a better price else where. I can't stress enough about going and looking at as many places as you can. Who know you might actually find a ring you like better else where. I know I did, I was fixated on this one ring from Robbins Brothers and I thought I had to have that one, but FI and I knew that looking else where is a good idea, and lo and behold I found a better ring for a better price at another place and the money we saved went to upgrading the center stone.

SO my advice is to step back, grab a drink and chill out.

PaigeMcC · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:f8051aad-f18e-4b25-b741-357392fc7a30">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Grrrr.... : Get over it. Reread what you just wrote. You sound ridiculously selfish. It probably will be much cheaper to have a jeweler recreate the ring.
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

<div>So much for GBCK =P</div>

**Mutley** · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:3d3469ae-2ca1-4c08-a5a9-56f319480e5b">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grrrr.... : So much for GBCK =P
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/6/f74a89ca-a298-48cb-a65d-470fe63d9f5c.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'f74a89ca-a298-48cb-a65d-470fe63d9f5c', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/7/6/f74a89ca-a298-48cb-a65d-470fe63d9f5c.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>

PaigeMcC · October 2010

OP, chill out. He'll buy the ring when he is ready. Don't push it. Enjoy what you've got.

Starlight Kel · October 2010

Hmm, I do think you are getting a little too worked up about it. I really don't get that everyone has to approve the ring that you will be wearing. I guess I can see your FI wanting to like it too, but it's going to be on your finger.

My BF and I have opposite tastes in a lot of stuff and I don't think I'd like the same rings as he would. Now if he went and picked it out as a surprise I'd love it no matter what because it's from HIM. BUT, if he wanted to go together so I could pick out a ring I'd hope that he would let me pick what I liked.

redheadtmk · October 2010

i understand your frustration. i would be annoyed if my SO showed me and then said well i am not going to buy it. It is like taunting you. he should just figure out what he wants for sure then show you and make sure you like it. its not fair to drag it out and build up your hopes only to take them away.
you should listen to the PPs who were helpful and thoughtful....try to relax and be patient. be glad that as annoyingly as he handled the situation he is trying to buy something not on credit so you wont start out in debt, he wants you both to like it, he is not being a spontaneous and thoughtless spender etc. all those things speak well for your financial future.

**Mutley** · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:1506a4cf-cf06-4f95-95d9-e9a944421de9">Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]Edit: Momentary lapse of judgement/ feeling the need to vent... Not that I don't love being chewed out by you... but <strong>you know </strong>you've all vented before. Maybe I should start a blog.... hmmmm.
Posted by palmettogirl924[/QUOTE]

You were quoted, so deleting just makes you look like a beebee. <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'abc9b1db-221c-4481-89d1-457a15029753', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/9/abc9b1db-221c-4481-89d1-457a15029753.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>

And actually, <strong>I know</strong> that I have never had the thoughts that you do. Thanks for presuming that though. We actually got engaged WITHOUT a ring. My husband was the one insistent upon getting one. We went shopping together, narrowed it down to 3 possible settings and then he chose the final one + the center stone. He did pay cash, and he bought it within a week of us going shopping. But I am so happy to know that you KNOW exactly how I've felt before. Do you know how I will feel in the future because that would be very handy?
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'abc9b1db-221c-4481-89d1-457a15029753', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> </a>

GreenPepperBurger · October 2010

OP, I understand you're impatient and that it sucks to fall in love with a ring you probably won't get. But Mutley is right - any jeweler worth his salt can recreate a ring for you when the time comes. Also, there are thousands upon thousands of styles. When you do actually get engaged and your guy is financially ready, you may find a ring you love even more.

calindi · October 2010

Mutley, you're being a hypocrite - you always trashed on anyone who GBCK and then came back.

And there have been several "venting" posts recently, so I understand what you're saying, OP. But for reference, everyone tends to go a little easier when you state specifically that you KNOW you're being unreasonable or overreacting but just want to vent.

So in response to your original post, as I think is only fair, your boyfriend is completely within his rights to say he'd prefer to pay cash rather than put it on a credit card. That's the smarter financial decision typically, though no-interest cards CAN be used as a good tool. Personally, I'm a big fan of only purchasing what you can already pay for in cash (and that includes cars). I wouldn't be thrilled if my boyfriend bought my ring on credit when he didn't have the cash to cover it.

February 2012 IS rather far away, and he doesn't have to propose exactly 12 months in advance, as several girls on this board can say with personal experience. And even if he DOES plan on proposing by February, that's still plenty of time to have something custom made. Again, there are numerous girls on this board that have custom made rings that are absolutely gorgeous, and it typically doesn't take 4 full months to make a ring. It was kind of cruel to show you the ring and put a hold on it, then say he doesn't like it. But that's how it goes sometimes. Remind yourself that you want to marry him, not the ring.

oceana919 · October 2010

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:732ea8ae-0a5e-4531-82d2-993ded715c1c">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]Mutley, you're being a hypocrite - you always trashed on anyone who GBCK and then came back. Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

...except that she never actually GBCKed. She just commented that she'd be on here a lot less due to that whole being-a-mom thing. Silly Mutley, raising a baby.
</div>
Don't even get me started on being hypocritical.

PaigeMcC · October 2010

*grabs lawn chair and popcorn.*

I've missed these threads.

Narwhal · October 2010

**Mutley** · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:732ea8ae-0a5e-4531-82d2-993ded715c1c">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]Mutley, you're being a hypocrite - you always trashed on anyone who GBCK and then came back.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/2/0ae71c35-9a7d-476f-b2df-486faa37410a.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '0ae71c35-9a7d-476f-b2df-486faa37410a', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/2/0ae71c35-9a7d-476f-b2df-486faa37410a.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>

I used the term GBCK in jest because I knew that I would be around a lot less due to having a baby. I didn't actually "good-bye cruel knot" because I thought people were being meanie-heads to me. Huge difference, but nice try.

ETA:
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:384c0083-27c0-48b0-8b8b-2dcb9f8edba4Post:eb6a4584-3c91-4a34-b9bd-de29b5e9452f">He is here!</a>:
[QUOTE]Let this also serve as my GBCK. NEY, you were great while you lasted but we are both going in different directions. I doubt that I wil be around much with my limited internet time.
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

Notice the last sentence.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2010

Has anyone tried the bean dip?

MLekathLEEN · October 2010

Mutley- Do you have a halloween costume planned for Mr. Man?

palmettogirl924 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:2cf05e2e-73c6-46ad-b000-0efe4444727b">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Grrrr.... : You were quoted, so deleting just makes you look like a beebee. And actually, I know that I have never had the thoughts that you do. Thanks for presuming that though. We actually got engaged WITHOUT a ring. My husband was the one insistent upon getting one. We went shopping together, narrowed it down to 3 possible settings and then he chose the final one + the center stone. He did pay cash, and he bought it within a week of us going shopping. But I am so happy to know that you KNOW exactly how I've felt before. Do you know how I will feel in the future because that would be very handy?
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

Seriously, you need to chill out. No one is saying you thought the same things... I said you know that you've vented before (whatever that may be about).

palmettogirl924 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:732ea8ae-0a5e-4531-82d2-993ded715c1c">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]Mutley, you're being a hypocrite - you always trashed on anyone who GBCK and then came back. And there have been several "venting" posts recently, so I understand what you're saying, OP. But for reference, everyone tends to go a little easier when you state specifically that you KNOW you're being unreasonable or overreacting but just want to vent. So in response to your original post, as I think is only fair, your boyfriend is completely within his rights to say he'd prefer to pay cash rather than put it on a credit card. That's the smarter financial decision typically, though no-interest cards CAN be used as a good tool. Personally, I'm a big fan of only purchasing what you can already pay for in cash (and that includes cars). I wouldn't be thrilled if my boyfriend bought my ring on credit when he didn't have the cash to cover it. February 2012 IS rather far away, and he doesn't have to propose exactly 12 months in advance, as several girls on this board can say with personal experience. And even if he DOES plan on proposing by February, that's still plenty of time to have something custom made. Again, there are numerous girls on this board that have custom made rings that are absolutely gorgeous, and it typically doesn't take 4 full months to make a ring. It was kind of cruel to show you the ring and put a hold on it, then say he doesn't like it. But that's how it goes sometimes. Remind yourself that you want to marry him, not the ring.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your REASONABLE post. I agree, if you can get it made cheaper that is great! I hate being shown something though and then A) he doesn't want to talk about it and B) doesn't have an intention of buying it.

But thanks so much for the advice!!

**Mutley** · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:0be3be3c-7513-4959-be45-c7e90655fd34">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grrrr.... : Seriously, you need to chill out. No one is saying you thought the same things... I said you know that you've vented before (whatever that may be about).
Posted by palmettogirl924[/QUOTE]

The issue isn't that you were venting. The issue is that you were 'venting' about your boyfriend not buying the ring that you want RIGHT.THIS.VERY.SECOND.

And I am chill. You have no idea how very chill I am being.

palmettogirl924 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9870f502-e308-42d6-ba32-a47709ce137cPost:0b6883d0-008d-419c-bde7-ea6352940dd0">Re: Grrrr....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grrrr.... : The issue isn't that you were venting. The issue is that you were 'venting' about your boyfriend not buying the ring that you want RIGHT.THIS.VERY.SECOND. And I am chill. You have no idea how very chill I am being.
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

Well then... I guess you must just not understand what I'm saying. Becasue that wasn't what I was saying at all.

noelle24 · October 2010

Mutley comes back on a day where I'm away from the computer the whole time? Boo...hiss...pout

OP, deleting makes you look like a beebee. AND Mutley quoted you in the very first response, so it was pointless. Can you *really* not see how deleting just makes you look bad?

I agree that your BF shouldn't have taken you ring shopping if you were going to react so childishly to the whole thing.

marleylikeair · October 2010

Hey palmetto...I totally got that your post was just a vent. You even wrote that at the end. It's hard when you have the ring dangled right in front of your face like that! I'm sure it can almost even feel like BF is having second thoughts/isn't ready after all! Ugh. I'm sure if you just relax and give BF some space, everything will work out.

Acrosthec · October 2010

If your concern is that the ring was dangled in front of you and you couldn't have it: My ring sat on our dresser in its box for over a year before DH proposed.

You're not alone. I understand your frustration, but he will propose when he's good and ready. Nothing you do or say will make him move faster, but it may actually make him move slower. Distract yourself with hobbies or other things and stop talking about weddings/proposals/etc. It makes the time go by faster, and your BF will love you for being less annoying and allowing him to surprise you.

Also, it's common courtesy on TK to not delete your post unless 1) it's some sort of private info that you only want up for a short amount of time to get opinions and 2) you've told people in your OP that you're planning to delete. Of course, since the quote function was realized, sometimes you also have to ask not to be quoted if it's personal and you plan to delete later. Generally deleting for any other reason is highly frowned upon, because someone else may have had the exact same question as you, and now they'll just ask it again instead of benefitting from the answers that posters wrote to you. It's a slap in the face to anyone who actually took the time to answer your question/concern.

palmettogirl924 · October 2010

Thanks for the advice ladies!!

Grrrr....

Re: Grrrr....

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