Rhode Island

Does anyone else ever feel like giving up on the wedding thing?

I was just wondering...we are six months out, and I really just want to cut and run.
We have been tortured by our venue, my fiance has had to have surgery, he tore his MCL, I lost my job, my parents arent speaking to us, his father completely disrepects me, I lost a bridesmaid, and then kicked another one out, and now my lovely fiance tells me we need to post pone a payment due on March 5 because he doesnt have the rest of the money- BUT he is planning to buy a new car ( that he doesnt need.)
He claims that since it is from his trust fund, it is his money and he can do whatever he wants with it. This means to me that he is immature, doesnt know how to handle money, and frankly, probably isnt ready to be part of a team.
This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and I have never been more unhappy. Our parents are making it miserable for us, and it seems that noone else is happy for us. The sad thing is that there really isnt any discord between fiance and myself.

I just dont know what to do, I couldnt be more unhappy...and it seems to me that that is the way our parents are trying to make it and now they are winning.

Re: Does anyone else ever feel like giving up on the wedding thing?

  • RoyalOrientRoyalOrient member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear that your wedding planning process has been such a miserable and disasterous experience. I definitely suggest you and your FI to talk things through before making any hasty decisions. Planning a wedding is probably one of the most stressful events to plan. It doesn't help if you and FI are not on the same page. Maybe you guys should also consider eloping, maybe inviting a few love ones who truly want to celebrate your marriage.
  • edited December 2011
    Hey there!  When I read your post, I was definitely able to sympathize with you because I was in a similar situation a few months ago.  Not the same exact situation but we came across a lot of road blocks during the engagement that made me step back and wonder if it was all worth it too.  Brief summary of what happened to us:  I come from a traditional family and when he proposed my parents were ready to accept it yet for many reasons- our parents had never met, my older brother wanted to get married first, and my dad felt like he didnt really know my fiance.  Needless to say, when my fiance asked my dad for my hand in marriage, my dad asked him to wait and my fiance proposed anyway.  This was only the beginning of a rocky engagement- this incident lead to so much resentment between my fiance and my dad that it was impossible for months to even try planning a wedding.  A bunch of other stuff happened too- my fiance and brother fighting, my parents telling us we could have a destination wedding and then saying no in the end, lots of cultural differences, money, etc.  In december, my fiance and I were fighting anytime the topic of the wedding came up that we decided to put the brakes on wedding planning for a little while until things cooled off.  I must say that this was really helpful for us- we were able to get our relationship back on track and be ourselves again without the pressures of the wedding or the stress of our families.  Now we just started talking about the wedding again and hopefully will have a date booked soon...but we've also been engaged for almost a year..

    So, I totally know how you feel!  I know your wedding is only 6 mo away and now is when the real planning starts so you may not be able to take a break.  But maybe spending some time (even a month) away from the wedding to work on your relationship might be helpful..goodluck! :)
  • edited December 2011
    You are not alone! Wedding planning is super stressful and the engagement tends to bring everything to the surface (good and bad). It sounds like your husband to be is a little down on himself from his injury and is using the new car tro cheer himself up.  You have been hit with a double whammy of stress (wedding planning and loss of a job).  Be kind to yourself; just breathe and figure out if having a big party type wedding is your dream or an elopement with a small gathering. 
    My thoughts and prayers are with you:) I hope it gets better!
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  • edited December 2011
    I like fitnessgirl's analysis of the surgery/car situation. Seems like such a guy thing. Anyways, I'm so sorry that you seem to be facing obstacles on all fronts of this engagement. Obviously, you have to tell your FI how you feel about all of this...the money, the way you guys have been getting along, whether you really want a big pary etc.

    My situation isn't as bad as yours but i've been having "is it worth it" feelings during this whole process. Pretty much right after I got engaged my newly wed sister (not even married for 6 months) decided to become a complete whore (slept with lots of men) and for the past few months has involved my whole family in her very dramatic marital situation. All of this has shed a very negative light on weddings and marriage. I basically came to conclusion that she got married to have a "wedding" and not a marriage. This fact has made me think that maybe having a wedding is a silly superficial thing to do. Then there is the fact that I too am unemployed. I graduated from lawschool with a HUGE lawschool debt and I can not get a job. This also makes me feel bad about having a wedding (even though i'm not really the one paying for it). I hate feeling dependant on my FI. We were so competitive with each other all through lawschool and now at times I feel unworthy of him because I can't work and am basically useless.

    So yep, I do sometimes feel like calling this crazy thing off. But in the end, I just keep reminding myself that this whole engagement thing is supposed to raise all these doubts and make you really examine your relationship with your FI. In the end you have to come to terms with how you really feel and what it is that you want after the wedding. I know that a lot of my doubt isn't necessarily problems with my own relationship but rather my personal insecurities and that actually my FI and I love each other and can make this work.

    My advice would be to maybe do something fun with your FI that you used to do at the beginning of your relationship. When things are going down a negative path with my FI and I we try to do a little day trip to a museum or go play frisbee golf or even just go out to the beach for a walk. Sometimes just getting out of your daily routine can make a big difference. Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    I know how you feel. I'm dealing with a few mishaps in our planning too. Our other venue was tacking on rediculous fees without telling us what they were for. I don't think my dad is taking us very seriously (prob because we are still young, only 21, but have been together 4 years, engaged for 2, and living together for 1 1/2) Anyone, FMIL is mad at both of us because of a disagreement with FI sister and her boyfriend. Of course sister was supposed to be a bridesmaid and now shes not. Money is tight too because FI got layed off in September and I have a crappy low wage job. Needless to say, we are tempted to just say screw it all and go elope. Dont feel bad, there are a lot of people who seem to be dealing with the same thing. We just got to hang in there and hope for the best, but your not alone.
  • edited December 2011
    Oh Honey, I definitely feel for you <3  It's such a rough time and when so much money, time, and emotion is involved things are bound to get squicky. 

    I posted my strife on my wedding club board (Aug 2010).  My mother told me past weekend that she doesn't care that I'm getting married and that this whole thing is a giant waste of money.  I'm absolutely ready to elope now, but can't because it would be letting so many other people that we care about down, and we don't want to do that.  Those words are probably going to haunt me for the rest of my life though. 

    Are you at the point where you can take a brief "hiatus" from wedding planning?  Like, maybe go run away to VT and go skiing for the weekend, or book a weekend at a B&B with just you and FI, or do something that's truely and solely yours with him and just focus on how much you love each other and remind yourselves why you're going through with this "for better or worse".  It would also help clear your head about what's to come before the big day.  Good luck!  And remember, we're always here to listen :)
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  • wendyk33wendyk33 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hang in there. It is very stressful and I absolutely hate planning. I thought it was going to be fun but found myself in similar situations with people having such opinions about everything and having to deal in laws. I think the actually wedding day will be worth it. Don't feel like your alone. I must have said several times to my fiance lets just bail on everything and go away and get married.
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