Wedding Etiquette Forum

How do I respond to this? (nwr, of course)

This is a post and run because I wanted to write this before I forgot...all will be lost once I get home because my brain blocks out work.

A student of mine sent me a cute note asking me to come to her church - either on Sunday for service or Wednesday night for Youth Group/Bible study.

She then got all of the kids in her group to sign it and write me notes about how they hope I come and can't wait to meet me.

This kid REALLY looks up to me and apparently talks about me all the time.  She comes down to my room to hang out during her free time and just loves choir and musicals.

1.  I don't go to church.  I don't mind it, but I'm not religious.
2.  I really don't want to drive really far away on a Wed or Sunday...I teach 40 min away from where I live.

What do I say to her?  How can I say no without looking like an athiest douche?
BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

image
Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers

Re: How do I respond to this? (nwr, of course)

  • I feel kind of bad for saying this, but I'd be totally creeped out by that. I'm sure she's a perfectly nice girl though.

    I really have no idea how to say no to that nicely either. It's probably good that I'm not a teacher.
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Can you say it would be a conflict of interest (or something) for a teacher to attend a non-school related event with a student?  It seems like that would be true.  Does your school have a rule like that?  Even if they don't I would blame it on the school.
    imageimage
    Follow my book blog: Panda Reads
    Follow me on Goodreads: my read shelf:
    Sandra's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Explain to her privately that personal stuff has you busy right now (too bad you can't use the baby as an excuse yet, but maybe you can use H). Then send a card or some cookies or something to her group. I'm sure they'll be impressed with that.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • I wouldn't bring religion into it at all. I'd just say you have a lot of other things going on outside of school and can't make it right now. But thank her for the invitation.

    Does she know your PG yet? Isn't that like the best excuse/cop-out ever?
  • I'd just say that you live really far away and that's a long drive.  Stretch the truth and say it'd be over an hour for you.  And if you're out about the baby at school, I'd also pull the "I'm pregnant and get tired/sick all the time" card.

    Also, hi!
    image
    two years!
    after two losses, now happily expecting baby #1 09.16.12
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Brie Fit Blog | BFP Chart
  • I'd be 1/4 flattered and 3/4 creeped out by that, but I'm sure she's a nice girl like Salt said.

    Tell her that Sunday is your day of rest. Literally. Tell her that you have a lot going on during the week (you do!) and that you really rely on your weekends to regroup for the upcoming week.
    image
  • How old are these kids? I'd do panda's suggestion and blame it on the school, or say outright that you don't go to church.  I think if you made up an excuse like you had other plans she'd only keep asking. 
  • I'm far too honest, and that would make her campaign even harder. I like sending a tray of cookies or something with her, and declining because of conflict of work/personal life BS.
  • I think you should just tell her that you appreciate the invitation but you can't go somewhere with a student that is not school related.  I like the idea of making some cookies and maybe writing them a nice note telling them how much you appreciate them inviting you.

  • I bet everyone in the group had to pick a person, and then they all signed notes to each person as an invitation. As if to say, "Please don't disappoint not only me, but 20 of my very best friends in Christ!"  Nothing like a little guilt religion.

    Decline quickly and permanently.

  • Ooh, good call Bec. That could very well be true.
    image
  • I concur with Bec as well.  Having grown up where your cool quotient was defined by which (not if, which) youth group you attended, I'd say this sounds like one of those things. 

    Thing is - you need a permanant excuse.  Wednesdays are now your 'date night' with your husband, and Sundays are for 'personal reflection and rest'.  Or, fake and tell her you'll be attending services closer to your home. 

    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
  • Also, I am SURE she means well and I am sure she really would like you to come, but I also have a sneaking suspicious this type of behavior was pushed on the by some adults who have an agenda. Especially in Christian denominations that being 'saved' is a big deal, this type of thing can happen a lot. I would be extra careful because this may mean she has been told that people who don't accept Christ into their hearts will go to hell and that type of thing. I don't know if the conversation would ever get that far but you may want to prepare for that type of response if you decline.

    I do think that you should decline, mostly for the reasons Bec mentions.
  • Just tell her you have to go to your weekly needlepoint and evil conspiracy group. Don't forget your socialist reading materials.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
    image
    Married
    Planning
  • You guys are hysterical, and of course completely honest.

    This isn't the first time she's written me a note...when I was really sick last year, she wrote a "get well soon" sign and had lots of random kids and teachers sign it.  She's also drawn me pictures and written me cards before. 

    Wow, that does sound creepy, but she's really just a dorky musical kid like me and she found someone to look up to that completely understands her.

    I want to just ignore it, because that's how I deal with things, but I know that I can't.  Ughhh, I wonder if she'd ask why if I was just vague.

    I haven't told my kids that I'm pg yet...I was hoping to hold out another few weeks and tell them before Christmas.  It is a good excuse, though!  *lol*
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • panda - I can go where ever I please after school hours.  I find that in the small town that I work in, the lines are blurred a lot because they all live here and go to church together.  A lot of teachers also have kids that go here, and to me that's weird.  I would never want to teach in the school where my kid goes.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_respond-this-nwr-of-course?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc5a2584-49b4-4202-80b9-870a5c686c90Post:850e76fe-c15f-4514-960c-946dadc8cfb3">Re: How do I respond to this? (nwr, of course)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just tell her you have to go to your weekly needlepoint and evil conspiracy group. Don't forget your socialist reading materials.
    Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

    zomg, I totally forgot about that!  Good point. 
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • I'm conflicted. When I used to teach private music lessons, my students would invite me to performances that they gave at their schools.  They really appreciated the extra support.  Still, now you're mixing in religion.  I think I would decline.  Maybe you could mention that you wouldn't mind watching her perform with the choir or in some kind of a church show.  
  • You could certainly put it off for awhile without really dealing with it...Right now it is the holiday season and everything is hectic, then after Christmas you have pregnancy, then you will have a newborn...

    Hell, you could put this off until after she graduates.

    I teach also and tend to prefer to put off things like this when kids invite me to things...I often respond with the vague, "Oh, that would be really nice, but I don't know if I will be able to come.  I live a ways away and during the week I need to get home to the dogs, and on the weekend my husband and I usually have plans.  If I have some time open up though, I will let you know."

    (Then again, I teach 6th grade...they have the attention span of a gnat--they forget about things pretty quickly!)
    imageimage
    image
    BFP 5/2/11, missed m/c, D&C 6/13/11
    BFP 12/8/11--Little Girl E Born 8/22/12
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Personally I'd just explain that I'm very busy at home but that you really appreciate the offer. Then talk about the end of year party or something exciting like that for distraction purposes! haha.
  • be honest and tell her you don't live near the school and it would be a very long drive for you, but you appreciate the offer.  

    I would agree that it was encourage by the church, I know my church has a special teacher appreciation day, where we celebrate educators, its not to convert or evangelize.  Sadly I know there is a lot of that out there too.    
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
    Fred Rogers
  • Actually, you might say something like, "Thanks so much for the invite - I really appreciate it.  However, religion is a really personal thing to me, and I prefer to keep my personal and work life separate, so I'm not really comfortable attending a service with you.  If you have a concert, etc., coming up, though, please let me know.  If it's at a time when I'm available, I would love to support you then."


    DIY & Planning | Married 

    Married: 2010
    Mom to J: 2011
    Mom to H: 2014

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards