North Carolina-Outer Banks

Bridesmaid drama-rama

Normally I'd just post stuff on our Facebook page at this point, but I'm somewhat paranoid that my post would show up on my newsfeed and my bridesmaid would see it and that would really make this worse.

I've known one of my bmaids for years and we've had a lot of good times, but to put it in a word, she is flaky. She's one of those people who when she gets really busy in one aspect of her life that she forgets about all the other aspects, like me, the person that she calls her best friend. And then when that tunnel-vision aspect of life starts to go wrong, then she'll call me up. She's a serial relationship-ist (I just made a word up, so sue me) but I never really get to share the happy parts of her relationships, she always calls me when the relationship is on the verge of ending.

Anyway, I'm not going to make someone my maid of honor if there's a slight thought in my mind that something in her life might keep her from showing up on the day of my wedding because she's missed out on graduation parties, birthday parties, etc. so many times. Well, she just texted me and asked me why I didn't make her my MOH. First of all, I don't think I owe anyone an explanation for this and think it's ridiculous that she asked and second of all, how can you possibly ask that and expect to get an answer that's not going to somehow hurt your feelings?

Oy vey. I think I'm going to elope.

UPDATE:
My response to her was basically that I didn't think it was something that really needed to be discussed but if she really needed to than it needed to be over the phone or in person.
Her response was: "I don't think I should be one of your bridesmaids. I'll think about it some more and we can talk about it."
SERIOUSLY?! I really don't know how she thought I'd respond. You don't want to be a bridesmaid because you can't be a maid of honor?? I thought we were 25, but apparently we're actually 13. My middle school students would totally say something like that, I certainly don't expect my peers to! Why would I still want you to be in my wedding if you're not going to be supportive of me?

Re: Bridesmaid drama-rama

  • edited December 2011
    I feel your pain. I would go with who you think can fill the roll. I also think she is out of line for asking you why. I guess you just tell her that this day is very important to you and that you need someone you can rely on when things get stressful.
  • sarahebrownsarahebrown member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ug, I totally can relate! And I'm sorry you're dealing with this when you should be able to focus on being a bride and enjoy this time! I would ignore her question and right it off to being "too busy planning my wedding to respond". That may snap her back to realizing that she should be focusing on you and not worrying about her status in the wedding party, but in a nice way.

    And I agree with PP's post too. Good advice.
    Trying to Conceive Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Ugh how annoying. Sorry you have to deal with this - girls can be so dumb :-P I would probably ignore it like Sarah said, mainly because I have a mouth & attitude when it comes to some things and would want to just not cause anymore drama. If she can't figure out on her own why she's not your MOH then that just shows again why she isn't. Don't worry about it - something will probably happen in her life again that will take all of her attention and she will forget all about not being your MOH.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • nyc2ncnyc2nc member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Both myself and my FI were put in this exact position.  I have 3 Best girlfriends and I knew who I wanted from the begining!!  1 of the 3 said she was hurt and thought it would have been her, this made me mad not even sad to be put on a spot like that...BUT, I was prepared.  I told her out of the 3 of them the one I choose was an only child and never had a chance at MOH which the other 2 were already, whew dodged that!!!  MY FI's mom was offended that he didn't pick his step father and since then has been very distant in the wedding planning.  Not to mention he picked his uncle (her brother) and she is sooo mad at that,  She is the type of person that can never be happy and makes the world know she is mad.  May be the death of us during the wedding!!!  Feels good to vent!!! 
  • llilleyllilley member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had a friend have her feelings hurt (in response to me having my sister be my only attendant) and just told her, "I'm sorry you're disappointed, but you know that I love you!  This was a decision that we made and it works best for what we want our wedding to be."  She's since gotten over it (although I'm pretty sure I won't be her future MOH, lol).  Don't hurt her feelings any more than they already are, but stand up quietly for your decision.
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