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Bridesmaid Breakup

mhoneillmhoneill
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My brother's girlfriend broke up with him this week. They have been dating for several years and I had asked her to be a bridesmaid.  I hate that she broke up with my baby brother and I lost a semi-sister, I am not sure what to do about her being in the wedding.  I am really really really hoping that they get back together, but in the off chance they don't, what should I do?  I have her dress *(that I paid for) in my closet. 


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Re: Bridesmaid Breakup

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What should you do?  You should stay out of it.  Leave it up to her to decide if she still wants to be in it.  It's not your call whatsoever. 
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You have nearly a year until your wedding, why do you have her dress already?  That doesn't make any sense.

    Just give it time.  Don't make any decisions now.  Everyone's feelings are very raw and you don't want to do anything rash.  Let them sort it out, and she can be the one to make the decision whether or not to remain in the wedding.  Don't make that call for her.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Egads, your wedding is a year away and you already bought the dresses?  Big mistake no matter the relationship status of your WP.  That's plenty of time to gain or lose a ton of weight or get pregnant.  
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Give her an out.  If it appears that bro and ex-gf are not going to make up, just approach her and let her know that while you love her and would love for her to be in the wedding you would completely understand if she wanted to back out.  It I were in her shoes I would have wanted to get out but might feel too intimidated to initiate the conversation myself.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The only problem with that, NOLA, is that it will probably be received this way: "You don't date my brother anymore so you've got to go."  Basically kicking her while she's down.  
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd give it time and make sure they're really broken up. But I disagree that it's entirely her call about whether or not she remains in the bridal party -- you'll have to see if they really stay separated, if it gets ugly, how your brother feels, how the rest of the family feels, how you feel, of course, and so on. My BIL (sister's husband) was in our wedding party the first time I got married. If he and my sister had divorced between when we asked and the actual wedding, he would have been out, absolutely, no questions.
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  • mhoneillmhoneill
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thank you for the comments about this.  I know there is plenty of time, but if they are still broken up, I'm not going to put my brother through seeing his ex girlfriend during the wedding....
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wait 6-8 months and see how your brother is doing and if you maintain any kind of relationship with the ex and go from there.

    And as much as I'm against firing a bm, I absolutely would "ask her to step down" if it was going to hurt my brother.  But really, wait it out and let him make that call.
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-breakup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:349d5a58-7ec5-4025-971e-7c88fb0f62cfPost:a4c9e9eb-aeab-4021-902c-13ffea4a5736">Re: Bridesmaid Breakup</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Wait 6-8 months and see how your brother is doing and if you maintain any kind of relationship with the ex and go from there.</strong> And as much as I'm against firing a bm, I absolutely would "ask her to step down" if it was going to hurt my brother.  But really, wait it out and let him make that call.
    Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]


    This. If it were me, I'd also ask my brother how he feels, after some time has passed. Let him weigh in on it.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nothing~you do nothing for another 6 months.  There's no reason to even have this pan on a burner right now.  If, in 6 months, they're back together, all is well.  If, in 6 months, they're no longer together and you don't speak anymore, you have your answer.

    There's no reason to worry about this right now.
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  • mhoneillmhoneill
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     I guess I was sad that I was losing a sister and really needed some support.  I know we (me, my fiance, and my brother) are going to make this decision closer to the time of the wedding... And thanks for all the dress comments.  I guess everyone has their own way of doing things :-)
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  • sb9411sb9411
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My guess is if they don't get back together, she will bow out of the wedding.
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