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Inviting Kids or not?

Biotechick620Biotechick620
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So all the while with this wedding planning I've been thinking that I would rather not have kids at our wedding, not becuase of cost but because I don't want parents to be distracted by taking care of their kids, guests will be drinking, and honestly I don't want to deal with crying or screaming kids..

Just talking to a few guests about this and that, they kind of gave me the impression that they thought they could bring their kids.  One of which is a BM who would have to bring an infant (she's due four months before my wedding and got pregnant after she became a BM).  Some family members that we want to invite aren't quite kids but they aren't adults either (14 yrs old and up).

Are you planning on having kids at your wedding?  Would you invite relatives that were teenagers and not relatives that were young (under 14 years old) but were from the same immediate familiy?
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Re: Inviting Kids or not?

  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:8bd9c89f-9dd6-460c-b305-727066b7c3c2">Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE] One of which is a BM who would have to bring an infant (she's due four months before my wedding and got pregnant after she became a BM).  Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    I like that you mention when she got pregnant like it's relevant at all.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    It's okay to have an adults only reception (I personally didn't, but to each their own). But I do think you should allow the BM to bring her infant. 
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  • xyriusxyrius
    First Comment
    I chose other.  I'm having my daughter (she'll be 2 years old), nieces and nephews and first cousins (all first cousins are over the age of 12) - and that's my cut-off.

    I personally would make your bridesmaid the exception - if you go adults-only, because personally I would not have wanted to leave my four month old with a sitter.  Also she may be breastfeeding at that point too.
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  • lilianne22lilianne22 member
    First Comment
    We are only inviting kids in our families and newborns.  There is nothing wrong with having an adults only reception though.
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  • opalsky007opalsky007 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    It's fine to do adults only if you want that. But not all kids are going to be hell raisers, or demanding of their parents' time. You may have a lot of folks decline if they can't bring their kids. Be mindful of all of that.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    We don't have children in the WP. We invited all kids of the people we invited because the grand total was something like a dozen. And only 2 of them are coming. They are both under 2. Oh, and a 17 year-old (18 next month).
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  • Biotechick620Biotechick620
    First Comment
    Thanks for your response (with the exception of one).  FI and I will have to really talk this over and figure out a game plan.

    BTW, FutureMrsTR it is relevant.  If she was pregnant before I asked her to be a BM then I would have made sure she was comfortable with these conditions and responsibilities while pregnant and afterward.  She just had her wedding in April and was completely against having kids of any age attend.  Please refrain from pointless comments.
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  • IstremeneIstremene
    First Comment
    edited September 2010
    I have a FG and RB but they are grown adults.  It is silly but we started joking with friends about it and they got all excited so we decided to have them.  So I voted the FB and RB option.  Infants are ok, not much you can do about them.  We are encouraging leaving children (under 18) at home due to open bar and that the total chidren would have been 28!  That is almost half our guest list!  (Our event is small only 60 - 75 people).
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:7b7c2da7-3a0f-49a8-814f-beac2012e5c1">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for your response (with the exception of one).  FI and I will have to really talk this over and figure out a game plan. BTW, FutureMrsTR it is relevant.  If she was pregnant before I asked her to be a BM then I would have made sure she was comfortable with these conditions and responsibilities while pregnant and afterward.  She just had her wedding in April and was completely against having kids of any age attend.  Please refrain from pointless comments.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    I read your OP the same way FutureMrsTr read it - kind of like "if I'd known she was going to get pregnant I wouldn't have asked her." 


    Please refrain from being a complete twatwaffle. 
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  • Biotechick620Biotechick620
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:928b3d6c-feb8-4321-9b4c-ef3c4ca82fbe">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]As to your other comment: What other responsibilities would she have aside from looking pretty and holding flowers??  And if you said, "Your child won't be welcome here," understand that as a new mom, she is also within her rights to decline even attending.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    Umm, let's see.  How about financial and time responsibilities?!  Being pregnant and becoming a new mom is a burden on both.
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  • Biotechick620Biotechick620
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:2d2b1e32-2f12-46b5-b616-f45d094513fc">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : OWN, you rock. 
    Posted by sclams[/QUOTE]

    You guys are pathetic.  I'm not even going to defend my post anymore.

    It's so comical how I make a post on the "Etiquette Board" and get posts back that are anything but. Some of you really need to find something better to do with your time other than being b*tches to other brides.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    What are her financial and time responsiblilities other than buying a dress and being there on the day of for the ceremony?  The rest may be traditional stuff but it's a gift to you - not something that's required of her.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:2d553c69-ec1f-4df8-9811-60b0391e4f06">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : Umm, let's see.  How about financial and time responsibilities?!  Being pregnant and becoming a new mom is a burden on both.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    <div>What exactly are these financial and time responsibilities?</div>
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  • xyriusxyrius
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:2d553c69-ec1f-4df8-9811-60b0391e4f06">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : Umm, let's see.  How about financial and time responsibilities?!  Being pregnant and becoming a new mom is a burden on both.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    ugh. 
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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    First Comment First Anniversary
    And if she has a problem with these "responsibilities" now that she got herself knocked up, she can say, "Hey, I can't be a bridesmaid anymore".  It's not like she's under contract.  Or is she?
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  • xyriusxyrius
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:f015b5c8-3d62-4a20-80d7-67502e41fd0d">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : You guys are pathetic.  I'm not even going to defend my post anymore. It's so comical how I make a post on the "Etiquette Board" and get posts back that are anything but. Some of you really need to find something better to do with your time other than being b*tches to other brides.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    You received very helpful advice, and right now you're the one coming off as the biitch.
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  • Biotechick620Biotechick620
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:e6e8a14a-8643-4c88-9a71-90f6bfb731e9">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : What exactly are these financial and time responsibilities?
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    Is this a serious question?!!? A new baby can cost over $1k/mo and I'm asking her to spend hundreds of dollars on my wedding.  During pregnancy she has to deal with her daily responsibilities in addition to being tired and pregnant.  After pregnancy her time's consumed with a new baby.  Being in a wedding, doing all of the BM dress shopping, fittings, helping the brides, Bach party, and shower...... can you see a correlation here?!
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    We went ahead and invited them all, because there were all of 10 on the list, and the majority were over 8-10, so old enough not to scream or throw tantrums.  We ended up with my teen cousins, and then someone brought their little girls, maybe 7 & 9.  Everyone else left their kids at home.

    If you want to do no kids, that's fine.  13 is fine for a cutoff, too.  But you should make an exception for the infant.  A breast feeding mother is going to have a hard time being away from her 4 month old for that period of time, and at that age, they don't make much of a fuss anyway.  
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:523c4370-c780-4662-8c46-97b10f80359d">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : Is this a serious question?!!? A new baby can cost over $1k/mo and I'm asking her to spend hundreds of dollars on my wedding.  During pregnancy she has to deal with her daily responsibilities in addition to being tired and pregnant.  After pregnancy her time's consumed with a new baby.  <strong>Being in a wedding, doing all of the BM dress shopping, fittings, helping the brides, Bach party, and shower...... can you see a correlation here?!
    </strong>Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    All she needs to do is get a dress and be at the wedding.    You can help ensure that the dress isn't too expensive, doesn't need multiple shopping trips (either tell your BMs to pick what they want OR just make a decision and be done with it) or extensive fittings. 

    She doesn't have any "obligations" regarding helping the bride, throwing a bach party, or paying for a shower.    I really find it remarkable that you would have "ensured she'd be able to meet these responsibilities" before asking her to be a bridesmaid.  

    You ARE a peach. 
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  • salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:f015b5c8-3d62-4a20-80d7-67502e41fd0d">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : You guys are pathetic.  I'm not even going to defend my post anymore. It's so comical how I make a post on the "Etiquette Board" and get posts back that are anything but. Some of you really need to find something better to do with your time other than being b*tches to other brides.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    <div>Maybe you should find something to do with your time besides enslaving your bridal party.</div>
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  • Biotechick620Biotechick620
    First Comment
    edited September 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:74f9f4e8-0b90-47cc-8688-bcf5c09c865a">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : Maybe you don't want your wedding to burden her and her pregnancy?  Cause she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do when it comes to pre wedding parties. If my MOH got pregnant I wouldn't bother her at all, I would ask that she come to the ceremony if she felt like it and stand up with me. Or sit down for a while if she got tired.
    Posted by Ingamckinley[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, Ingamckinley, THANK YOU!! This is my point which clearly others missed.  I even told her after she found out she was pregnant that we'd love her to still be in the wedding but she is in no way obligated to be.

    I've never experienced such petty and immature people on these boards until now.   I'm done with this post.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    First Comment
    Actually no, you said that you were asking her for hundreds of dollars and that she needed to do all these other things. Bridesmaids aren't required to do ANY of those things. 

    Impressive back peddling skills though! I hope all your friends still like you when this is all over!
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  • emilyinchileemilyinchile member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:f894ea0e-58fb-41cc-b3a1-6d55f711daca">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : Thank you, Ingamckinley, THANK YOU!! This is my point which clearly others missed.  I even told her after she found out she was pregnant that we'd love her to still be in the wedding but she is in no way obligated to be. I've never experienced such petty and immature people on these boards until now.   I'm done with this post.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    That wasn't at all your point. Your point was that you expect a lot from your BM and think she might not be able to do it all with a baby, whereas PP was saying that she's totally chilled out on her expectations from her MOH since she realizes the baby is going to be taking priority in her friend's life.

    FWIW, I didn't answer your poll because there was no option for no kids at all. You do realize that marriages are valid even if there are no flower girl and ring bearer present?
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:f894ea0e-58fb-41cc-b3a1-6d55f711daca">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : Thank you, Ingamckinley, THANK YOU!! This is my point which clearly others missed.  <strong>I even told her after she found out she was pregnant that we'd love her to still be in the wedding but she is in no way obligated to be.</strong> I've never experienced such petty and immature people on these boards until now.   I'm done with this post.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    Why on earth would she NOT want to be in the wedding just because she got pregnant?  That's the part that makes NO SENSE.  And you can't even glom onto Inga's kindness, because her post said 1.  The BM doesn't have any obligations re: showers & parties, and such, and 2.  The accommodations she spoke of all had to do with a pregnancy.

    Your BM will have a 4 month old baby.  She won't even be pregnant any more.  Why on earth would you even suggest that she didn't have to be in the wedding anymore, unless you think she really IS obligated to cough up a bunch of time & money to be in your wedding? 
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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-kids-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98d86993-f751-4137-ab1d-ba4ac07227d1Post:f894ea0e-58fb-41cc-b3a1-6d55f711daca">Re: Inviting Kids or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting Kids or not? : Thank you, Ingamckinley, THANK YOU!! This is my point which clearly others missed.  I even told her after she found out she was pregnant that we'd love her to still be in the wedding but she is in no way obligated to be. I've never experienced such petty and immature people on these boards until now.   I'm done with this post.
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    I would like to point out (because I'm bitchy like that) that my point still stands.  It doesn't matter when she got pregnant.  And you only pointed out that she got pregnant after she was "chosen" as a BM to make it seem like it's HER fault that you're acting like a twit.
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  • kathrynhabibtikathrynhabibti member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    All children of all of our guests were invited. Some parents are opting to leave them at home, though.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2010
    It looks like she's not happy with what was said:

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_can-vent


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  • opalsky007opalsky007 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Well, that's interesting.
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