HELP Please!!

deafcouple2008 · June 2012

Hi all! I am getting married 9/8/2012 and well...my parents hate me! Yes I said mine, his family loves me and I adore them. You see there is alot of pain and anger when I talk of think of my parents and I am afraid if they come to our wedding they will make it about them. So should I even waste my time and energy inviting them?
Just to explain, my parents when I got married the first time called and threatend me, my unborn child and my ex. They are verbally abusive, amongst other things too.
So you see why I am torn....

rlavach · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:a90b5e7a-2e58-4235-b075-a902b5a64b6a">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to HELP Please!! : Do you want to maintain a relationship with them? Do you hope that someday you may be able to rekindle a relationship? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, invite them. If the answer is no don't invite them. No one can give you the right answer. This is up to you.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]
100% this

OBX2011 · June 2012

Linger nailed this one

Hummingbird125 · June 2012

I'm with Linger. But just from your brief description, I wouldn't invite them.

StephBeanWed61502 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:140e8fda-0bde-40b9-9718-dbd242c1cbfc">HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all! I am getting married 9/8/2012 and well...my parents hate me! Yes I said mine, his family loves me and I adore them. You see there is alot of pain and anger when I talk of think of my parents and I am afraid if they come to our wedding they will make it about them. So should I even waste my time and energy inviting them? Just to explain, <strong>my parents when I got married the first time called and threatend me, my unborn child and my ex. They are verbally abusive, amongst other things too. So you see why I am torn....</strong>
Posted by deafcouple2008[/QUOTE]

<div>I actually <em>don't</em> see why you're torn. Okay, they're your parents, but they sound like <em>terrible</em> people. I don't think there's any reason to have verbally abusive people who you think hate you at your own wedding, regardless of whether they gave birth to you.</div>

aragx6 · June 2012

I say fuuck 'em. Sounds like you have great people in your life now, and your parents are just holding you back from the life you should be living.

Only you can decide what to do, but these don't, to me, seem like people you should be including in your life any longer.

QueerFemme · June 2012

It depends on what you want from them in the future. A relationship? Healing? etc. If you want that, not inviting may create permenant damage.

On the other hand, I am not inviting anyone in my family to my wedding and I am 100% happy with that decision. My partner's sister is my MOH. I know there will be no one at my wedding that will create anxiety or drama for me.

Kristin789 · June 2012

Going from your KnotName, it looks to me like your parents have had to be more involved with you and your physical challenges growing up, and that makes people overprotective. They didn't want you to have a sheltered adolescence and then grab on to the first guy, get pg, then get married. They had a vested interested in you and your growing up, more so than traditional parents who can let their children have more independence.

Now you've divorced that first husband, you've grown on your own independently from your parents. Maybe now is the time to reach out to them and say that you understand that they were trying to help you NOT get into trouble when you actually DID get into a relationship/parenthood/1stwedding - but now you realize all of that was too fast and too crazy and so you've gotten out of all of that which you probably should have heeded their advice and not gotten into in the first place.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:85978ff8-8f83-4dd6-8c3c-c042dac57b5f">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Going from your KnotName, it looks to me like your parents have had to be more involved with you and your physical challenges growing up, and that makes people overprotective. They didn't want you to have a sheltered adolescence and then grab on to the first guy, get pg, then get married. They had a vested interested in you and your growing up, more so than traditional parents who can let their children have more independence.</strong> Now you've divorced that first husband, you've grown on your own independently from your parents. Maybe now is the time to reach out to them and say that you understand that they were trying to help you NOT get into trouble when you actually DID get into a relationship/parenthood/1stwedding - but now you realize all of that was too fast and too crazy and so you've gotten out of all of that which you probably should have heeded their advice and not gotten into in the first place.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

I honestly don't know what is most insulting here.

(1) That you think overprotectiveness includes : <em>Just to explain, my parents when I got married the first time <strong>called and threatend me, my unborn child and my ex</strong>. They are <strong>verbally abusive</strong>, amongst other things too.

</em>(2) that you think that the parents of deaf children have more of a vested interest than parents of hearing children when it comes to them growing up, or

(3) that you think children who are deaf do not have the same independence growing up as hearing children do.

OP - I can't say what Linger said any better. Take her advice.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:6ec53af3-204e-4df5-8898-8601044b78a4">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP Please!! : Thank you! Kristin's post had me going
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

Most of her posts elicit that response from me. This one though, takes the cake.

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:8ebdd182-25a1-4d71-adab-e1298ee29ccb">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP Please!! : Excuse me? I'm deaf and my parents did not have to be more involved then other parents. I did not have a sheltered adolescence and I am plenty independent. Screw you.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I was waiting for you to show up Edie :)

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:8ebdd182-25a1-4d71-adab-e1298ee29ccb">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP Please!! : Excuse me? I'm deaf and my parents did not have to be more involved then other parents. I did not have a sheltered adolescence and I am plenty independent. <strong>Screw you</strong>.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

You are the only one I know on TK who could sum up in two words what my post said.

hwoychowski · June 2012

I am going to bypass the other drama that just came up and digress to the OP's issue. (Not saying the agrument is valid...) Anyway, I also had/have a verbally abusive father, we went for a period of 5 years not talking and now I talk to him on the phone for the regular holiday stuff and his birthday. I live out of state but when I get back I do try to see him for lunch or whatnot. But anyway, I have the relationship on thin strings. I will not be inviting him to our wedding. I do not think I can emotionally handle it. I feel like I will already have stresses wiothout wondering what he is going to do or say next. I have not and will not tell him about the wedding until it is done. Once we get back from the HM I plan on calling him and letting him know that we got married, in a very small cermeony (this is 100% true). I will make plans to see him and I will take him out to lunch or whatever. But I cannot handle him there. I feel nothing but guilt but at the same time know that in order to keep my sanity, I have no other option. This is totally your call, but don't feel like you are alone in this either. Weigh the options and possible outcomes. Good luck.

deafcouple2008 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:85978ff8-8f83-4dd6-8c3c-c042dac57b5f">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Going from your KnotName, it looks to me like your parents have had to be more involved with you and your physical challenges growing up, and that makes people overprotective. They didn't want you to have a sheltered adolescence and then grab on to the first guy, get pg, then get married. They had a vested interested in you and your growing up, more so than traditional parents who can let their children have more independence. Now you've divorced that first husband, you've grown on your own independently from your parents. Maybe now is the time to reach out to them and say that you understand that they were trying to help you NOT get into trouble when you actually DID get into a relationship/parenthood/1stwedding - but now you realize all of that was too fast and too crazy and so you've gotten out of all of that which you probably should have heeded their advice and not gotten into in the first place.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
I should explain this much...My parents were alcoholics so when i experienced my medical problems I survived because I wanted to not because they helped me. As far as being deaf well.....THEY did not support me at all I suffered and made it through with out them. I understand what you mean but they were not protective at all.
Thank you one and all for your support it helps to get an outside opinion on this matter.

kmmssg · June 2012

Kristin - you have seriously taken offensive to a new level. If you really have any of those Southern manners you bragg about (because EVERYTHING is done perfectly in your world) you will come back and apologize to OP.

How dare you decide these toxic people were so good to her and she was such a disappointment to them and screwed up so badly.

You owe her one serious apology.

StephBeanWed61502 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:65c65853-cc68-4bf0-9822-1ae098e3980c">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Kristin - you have seriously taken offensive to a new level. If you really have any of those Southern manners you bragg about (because EVERYTHING is done perfectly in your world) you will come back and apologize to OP. <strong>How dare you decide these toxic people were so good to her and she was such a disappointment to them and screwed up so badly</strong>. You owe her one serious apology.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. Also, Kristin's wild assumptions in defense of clearly toxic parents makes me pretty glad she's not my mom (this is not the first time I've seen her do this, just the most egregious example of it).</div>

claudiagior86 · July 2012

1st. You pick the best wedding say ever :. 2nd. Invite whoever you want to have next to you. If you don't have communication with you parents, them I'm sorry but don't invitem.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1b60d1a6-92df-462c-a133-e4e29ed7a46aPost:85978ff8-8f83-4dd6-8c3c-c042dac57b5f">Re: HELP Please!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Going from your KnotName, it looks to me like your parents have had to be more involved with you and your physical challenges growing up, and that makes people overprotective. They didn't want you to have a sheltered adolescence and then grab on to the first guy, get pg, then get married. They had a vested interested in you and your growing up, more so than traditional parents who can let their children have more independence. Now you've divorced that first husband, you've grown on your own independently from your parents. Maybe now is the time to reach out to them and say that you understand that they were trying to help you NOT get into trouble when you actually DID get into a relationship/parenthood/1stwedding - but now you realize all of that was too fast and too crazy and so you've gotten out of all of that which you probably should have heeded their advice and not gotten into in the first place.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

On my desk at work, I have a sign that describes people like Kristin789, it says, "some people are alive simply because it's against the law to kill them". yep.

OP, I think you got some great wisdom here already, so I will just say that I wish you the best in luck in figuring out what works best for you. I'm sorry you have to have this sort of decision over your head as nobody should.

joe&cassie · July 2012

I'm just going to jump in and say take their advice... except Kristin. I am a Special Education major and also have a hearing impairment... I took extreme offense to her post. All of us on here who are worth knowing took offense. I hope she apologizes to you and I am sorry she posted. But anyways it is a day that should be filled with happiness and people who love and support you. It sounds like your parents definitely don't and I hate that. Horrid parents are the one thing I struggle with in my chosen field. Good luck to you! I hope your day is every bit as happy as it should be.

deafcouple2008 · July 2012

Again thank you all for your support. I am going to say this much....people who choose to insult or comment do not know or understand the situation or "handicap". I do have thick skin on this matter so "insults" actually make me laugh because people can be closed minded. Plus if anybody has questions please private message me I do not mind answering questions about my hearing loss.

deafcouple2008 · August 2012

Well here is an update,
I invited them only to have them NOT RSVP us. So not I will use my FB to message them and see if they will attend.

HELP Please!!

Re: HELP Please!!

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