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my fiance's family is LDS/Mormon and i need help.

vbates1vbates1
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in Interfaith Weddings
hi,  i need to talk about this and i don't know where else to go! my fiance and i have been together since high school- 10 yrs! i love him more than anything.  his family is mormon and though he is not practicing he still identifies with their religion to an extent. i was raised protestant but am much more spiritiual than religious.
today he told his mother that we chose a non denominational rev. to officiate.  when he told her that she is a woman his mother just about had a hear attack. she actualy screamed "nooooo!! not a woman!!" i felt like i got punched in the stomach. i feel like i am going out of my way to incorporate and respect their beliefs but this is just not a reaction i can understand. 
are there any lds brides out there that can put this in perspective for me?
thanks!
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Re: my fiance's family is LDS/Mormon and i need help.

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    Juliet212Juliet212 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hmm, tricky situation! Can he talk to his mother about this? Maybe there are some important traditions that she wants to keep in the ceremony. She has to be equally fair to your religion. Maybe if you guys get some basic ground-rules out of the way she'll be more respectful.  
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    lthom17lthom17
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Are they helping to pay for the wedding?  If not, forget about incorporating their beliefs because it's your wedding.  haha

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    vbates1vbates1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    haha no they are not. not  even a little bit. 
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not exactly clear on the traditions of the minister, but I do know that it is a common belief witih LDS that a real wedding takes place in the temple, and doesn't count if it takes place somewhere else.

    For this reason, I would assume that an LDS minister would only marry within a temple.

    But please, correct me if I'm wrong and someone knows better. This has been my understanding.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_fiances-family-ldsmormon-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:396Discussion:800bad83-ef53-4030-915a-ae32141c6120Post:048aeb66-56a8-4ed2-8e3c-39f1224f89d9">Re: my fiance's family is LDS/Mormon and i need help.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not exactly clear on the traditions of the minister, but I do know that it is a common belief witih LDS that a real wedding takes place in the temple, and doesn't count if it takes place somewhere else. For this reason, I would assume that an LDS minister would only marry within a temple. But please, correct me if I'm wrong and someone knows better. This has been my understanding.
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    I know that you can be married outside a temple in an LDS ceremony - the difference is that a marriage in the temple is for all eternity (ie, you are still married in the afterlife) and outside the temple it is more "till death do you part". I believe you cannot have a wedding in a temple unless both the bride and groom are LDS. I think an LDS minister can officiate a non-temple wedding, it's just preferred to have a temple wedding.

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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     I am LDS actually. I will be baptized in 2 weeks.  Let me see if I have this right.


    Your not getting married at the church right ( The church is the 'normal ' Sunday meeting hall not the temple.


     Then you can do as you please. I was married by a women . So I dont see what your MILs problem is.

     Now if you wee both LDS and married for a year then you can be "SEALED" in the temple. Thats the eternity one. Which is done by someone who hold the priesthood. Which would be a male. But that has nothing to do with a civil ceremony.


     Its a Bishop not a minister , just so you know. The bishop  can marry  people  .  If you get married in the meeting hall  there regulations  like most buildings . No candles , sometime only certain types of music . But thats only if you get married in the meeting hall ( or basketball court as alot of people call it :) )   I will be happy you clarify anything else for you all. :)
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    vbates1vbates1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the responses. I guess what I wasn't clear about is that my fiance is not a practicing mormon he just comes from a family that is.  We are planning on having an inclusive ceremony from a non denominational rev., and wanted to include all of our beliefs.
    The issue was with his mothers reaction.  i understand all of the beliefs and rules behind it, i was just more venting.  it made my fiance feel guitly and in turn was making me feel bad.
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     I just uploaded our vow ceremony if you would like to see it ...

    Wedding for Justin and Sarah

     

    Canon in D starts playing

     

    1. Family walks in

    2. Justin and best man Daniel walk in

    3. Brides maids walk in

     

    Bridal march starts playing

     

    Have all guests stand when bride begins walking down the aisle.

     

    You may be seated

     

    On behalf of Justin and Sarah I, _____________________ __________________ welcome you here today to witness this wedding.

     

    We will begin this wedding ceremony with a prayer given by TBD_____________________________.

     

    Prayer is given

     

    Wedding Ceremony

    And now we will move forward to the wedding vows, will you please take each other by the right hand.

     

    Justin **and Sarah** you have taken one another by the right hand in token of the covenants you will now enter into in the presence of God and these witnesses.

     

    Justin **, do you take Sarah **as your lawfully wedded wife, and do you of your own free will and choice covenant as her companion and lawfully wedded husband that you will cleave unto her and none else; that you will observe all the laws, covenants, and obligations pertaining to the holy state of matrimony; and that you will love, honor, and cherish her as long as you both shall live?

     

    The bridegroom answers, yes or I do

     

     

     

    Sarah **, do you take Justin ** as your lawfully wedded husband, and do you of your own free will and choice covenant as his companion and lawfully wedded wife that you will cleave unto him and none else; that you will observe all the laws, covenants and obligations pertaining to the holy state of matrimony; and that you will love, honor, and cherish him as long as you both shall live?

     

    The bride answers, yes or I do

     

    By virtue of the legal authority vested in me as______________________ ___________________________________, I pronounce you, Justin** and Sarah **, husband and wife, legally and lawfully wedded for the period of your mortal lives.

     

    May God bless your union with joy in your posterity and a long life of happiness together, and may He enable you to keep the sacred covenants you have made.

     

    Justin and Sarah will now exchange the rings they wish to present to each other.

     

    You may now kiss each other as husband and wife.

     

    May I present to you for the very first time.  Mr. and Mrs. Justin &&.

    We will end this wedding ceremony with a prayer and a blessing on the food given by TBD_____________________________________________.

     

    Prayer is given

     

    For all quests, there will be a reception held in their honor here in the banquet hall.

     

    I ask all guests to now stand and recognize once again Mr. and Mrs. Justin ** as they walk down the aisle with the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen to follow.

     

     

     

     Nothing fancy.  You can do whatever you choose because your not  having a sealing ( temple marriage) . Your MIL is just throwing a fit .

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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
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    edited December 2011

    is it more that she is troubled by female officiant?  some people are not comfortable with that, despite it being 2011.

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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Thank you for the clarification, Riss.

    OP, perhaps she isn't happy to see that her son is not practicing to the point he won't have an LDS wedding. That isn't that uncommon, but it isn't her wedding- and like Calypso said, it could be the fact that she is female. Some churches don't have female ministers. I think your best bet is to just acknowledge that, tell her that yes, the minister for the ceremony is a woman and move on.

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    SweetAlly97SweetAlly97 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I might be a little late to respond, but I'm LDS. Your MIL's reaction might actually be a bit common in our faith-you know, just as a shock. The mormon faith is very old-fashioned in ways. example-virtue, clean language, etc. In our church, we believe only men have the authority in the church(preisthood) or the power to sanction(right word? haha) a marriage, a blessing, or things like that. Not as discrimination, but because it's a sacred thing. Men are men and God gave them certain responsibilities to follow, so in our church we do the best we can to respect those callings. Women are primarily housekeepers(you've probably heard the term "mormon housewife") but in these days jobs and the like are perfectly fine. But it's too bad your MIL had this reaction, sometimes I'm even like that. I try to understand other religions and customs, but I was raised on Mormonism, so branching out is kind of hard at times. But we *do* try, I promise! I hope this helped you understand!! <3 congrats!
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