my MOH just got engaged!

mariemoten129 · December 2010

so my MOH just got engaged... her fiance lives in a different state, far away from where we live... And they are getting married here, but shes moving there after the wedding..

I AM FREAKING OUT. not only because my best friend in the entire world is moving FAR away from me.... but because her wedding will be in June or July. Mine is in September, guess who won't be attending much of my wedding things??? HER!

I am so sad. I need her. She knows what she's doing. I want her at the meetings, at certain things... And shes not going to be there. Would you guys be freaking out too???

help..

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:24e9e059-7d0d-4c4c-ba47-315e32b18070">my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]so my MOH just got engaged... her fiance lives in a different state, far away from where we live... And they are getting married here, but shes moving there after the wedding.. I AM FREAKING OUT. not only because my best friend in the entire world is moving FAR away from me.... but because her wedding will be in June or July. Mine is in September, guess who won't be attending much of my wedding things??? HER! I am so sad. I need her. She knows what she's doing. I want her at the meetings, at certain things... And shes not going to be there. Would you guys be freaking out too??? :( help..
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]
What meetings? It's not her job to plan your wedding, no matter where she lives or when her own wedding is. If you're needing to lean heavily on anyone except your FI to plan the party, you need to either scale back or hire a planner.

Be happy for your friend, and try not to make a major change in her life all about you.

mariemoten129 · December 2010

wow. way to not answer my question.

i dont think it has anything to do with my wedding.... im just going to miss my best friend.

no need to be rude for no reason.

trix1223 · December 2010

Wow. Let's turn this around for a minute. Put yourself in her spot and her in your spot.

YOU: OMG!!!!! Guess what, best friend? I'm engaged!!!!!!!!! SQUEE!!!!1!!!!!!
HER: What? Now you won't be around to help me with MY wedding? Couldn't you wait? Because now it's going to be harder for me, me, me, me, me!

That may not be what you meant to sound like. But it's exactly what you sound like.

Hang around here, and you'll learn that the "duties" of a MOH or any member of the WP start and end with the ceremony. WP =/= Wedding Planner. They don't have to attend meetings, help with favors, or any of the other dopey things you'll read on wedding websites. They also don't have to plan, pay for, throw, or even attend prewedding parties.

If you can't pull off your wedding without your MOH attending meetings and prewedding "stuff", you either need to scale back or hire a wedding planner to do it for you.

Let's revisit the conversation and how it should go:

HER: Guess what, best friend? I'm engaged!
YOU: SQUEE!!!!! I'm so happy for you!

GL:

jagore08 · December 2010

Trix is right, you may not mean to sound like "it's all about me" but that's how your post came across. Not once in your post did you say how happy you were for her, you jumped straight into how it affects you. And Aerin has a great point, you're the one planning your wedding not your BM. Besides, she has a wedding of her own to plan now.

jagore08 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:60194a04-6dd1-4ddf-8ed3-3bb323d1d76e">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]wow. way to not answer my question. i dont think it has anything to do with my wedding.... im just going to miss my best friend. no need to be rude for no reason.
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]

mariemoten129 · December 2010

well that's not how i meant it. at all.

i am SO happy for her & obviously i didn't make it all about ME. i am NOT like that at all... And i really don't need people commenting on here making me feel like crap. My best friend in the entire world is moving across the country. she & i have always talked about being apart of every little detail of each of eachother's weddings. And i'm seriously just sad that im not going to have her here anymore with me. Just in general, wedding bs aside.

it really wasn't supposed to sound like that. So please everyone else just keep your comments to yourself. I really didn't mean to come off the way I suppose I did.

jagore08 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:b220e04e-b239-481f-808c-19faf3bba591">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]well that's not how i meant it. at all. i am SO happy for her & obviously i didn't make it all about ME. i am NOT like that at all... And i really don't need people commenting on here making me feel like crap. My best friend in the entire world is moving across the country. she & i have always talked about being apart of every little detail of each of eachother's weddings. And i'm seriously just sad that im not going to have her here anymore with me. Just in general, wedding bs aside. it really wasn't supposed to sound like that. So please everyone else just keep your comments to yourself. I really didn't mean to come off the way I suppose I did.
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]
Seeing as how this is the internet, we can only go off of what you wrote. If you reread your OP you'll see what we mean. You said nothing like this in your OP.

mariemoten129 · December 2010

none of you are in this situation. And you don't know me. . .

my facebook status right now is all about her right now. it's not like i said to her: "omg ur engaged? now you're not going to help me with MY wedding" Alll I said was amazing comments & i screamed & cried on the phone of happiness for her.

all i can say to you all is that I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY AT ALL! i literally think i just started typing whatever i was typing because i'll miss her living here.

i really don't want random people all over the country on the knot to think i'm a horrible person....

so please... don't

trix1223 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:b220e04e-b239-481f-808c-19faf3bba591">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]well that's not how i meant it. at all. i am SO happy for her & obviously i didn't make it all about ME. i am NOT like that at all... And i really don't need people commenting on here making me feel like crap. My best friend in the entire world is moving across the country. she & i have always talked about being apart of every little detail of each of eachother's weddings. And i'm seriously just sad that im not going to have her here anymore with me. Just in general, wedding bs aside. it really wasn't supposed to sound like that. So please everyone else just keep your comments to yourself. I really didn't mean to come off the way I suppose I did.
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]

Gosh: my crystal ball cracked in the cold weather here, so I had no way to discern what you really meant as opposed to what you actually wrote.

Go back and read your OP. And see how self-centered you sounded. I'm happy to hear that you're not, but you can't blame us for not knowing what you "meant" to say.

As for talking to her about wedding stuff, and everyday stuff......if only there was some kind of telecommunication device that would allow you to hear each other's voices, even though you were thousands of miles apart. Or some sort of device that would let you type out a message to your friend that she could instantly receive and send a message back to you...................

vicki0508 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:ee8f525c-0996-4dd2-87b6-070d781ed827">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]none of you are in this situation. And you don't know me. . . my facebook status right now is all about her right now. it's not like i said to her: "omg ur engaged? now you're not going to help me with MY wedding" Alll I said was amazing comments & i screamed & cried on the phone of happiness for her. all i can say to you all is that I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY AT ALL! i literally think i just started typing whatever i was typing because i'll miss her living here. i really don't want random people all over the country on the knot to think i'm a horrible person.... :( so please... don't :(
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]
Well since you made your FB status about her...I guess you really aren't self centered at all. My bad.

BTW whenever you say "You don't know me!" I immediately picture you as one of those 16 year old troubled teens on the Maury show.

alndudle · December 2010

The girls who posted on your comment post on everyone's comments... and are mostly rude. Trix is so giddy about her rudeness, she even adds a someone's quote as a signature. Don't be surprised if you don't get any useful help on these message boards.

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

You're right, we don't know you. Don't only give us part of the story and then pout and stamp your feet that we don't know the whole story. The only one to blame for that is the one who wrote the post, not the ones reading it.

mariemoten129 · December 2010

vicki: ....thanks for thinking i was a troubled 16yr old. you're so nice.

alndudle: Thanks for to input about them. Im sitting here telling my fiance about each post, getting upset. . . she's like "r we still talking about the knot?!" hahah

jagore08 · December 2010

OP, that's why I said for you to go back and read your first post. It was completely different from what you said later on. You're completely right, we don't know you. That's why we can only give advice from what you type on the internet. You probably started typing without thinking then later came back to clarify for us because we brought it to your attention. That's all. No need to get all uppity about it. We usually applaud people for coming back to reality but in your case you didn't seem to get the point that we can only go off of what you originally said. Thank you for clarifying, moving on.

vicki0508 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:1c5c6033-158f-466b-9f7c-4f3ed328dfcb">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]The girls who posted on your comment post on everyone's comments... and are mostly rude. Trix is so giddy about her rudeness, she even adds a someone's quote as a signature. Don't be surprised if you don't get any useful help on these message boards.
Posted by alndudle[/QUOTE]
Your panties are just in a wad because nobody else thinks your mom is a Momzilla for paying for your entire wedding and then trying to control aspects of it. The girls here give useful, sometimes blunt, advice. No coddling, just the truth.

jagore08 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:1c5c6033-158f-466b-9f7c-4f3ed328dfcb">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]The girls who posted on your comment post on everyone's comments... and are mostly rude. Trix is so giddy about her rudeness, she even adds a someone's quote as a signature. Don't be surprised if you don't get any useful help on these message boards.
Posted by alndudle[/QUOTE]
What are you so upset over? The ladies gave you good advice and it sounds like you were going to take the "spinning the situation" idea.

alndudle · December 2010

Yeah I was surprised about how many of them come off that way. It seems to be a trend.

To offer some helpful advice, I'd say you'd need to talk to your MOH about it... but probably not this instant, since she's still in the excited, just-engaged stage. It may not be as dramatic or urgent in reality as it seems right now, if you wait a few days or so. If she's your best friend, she'll understand your concerns and will probably try to work things out so she can help you with the things you would like her to be there for.

Good luck, best wishes, and I hope you get some useful comments.

jagore08 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:df31c663-2ceb-4e25-a07e-920746e7af2e">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I was surprised about how many of them come off that way. It seems to be a trend. To offer some helpful advice, I'd say you'd need to talk to your MOH about it... but probably not this instant, since she's still in the excited, just-engaged stage. It may not be as dramatic or urgent in reality as it seems right now, if you wait a few days or so. If she's your best friend, she'll understand your concerns and will probably try to work things out so she can help you with the things you would like her to be there for. Good luck, best wishes, and I hope you get some useful comments.
Posted by alndudle[/QUOTE]
But also remember that your MOH has her own life and her own wedding to plan.

alndudle · December 2010

Excuse you, but you obviously did not even read my OP in that my parents are helping with the food only, while my fiance and I are paying for everything else on our own... which yes, food is a major cost, but is not the entire wedding. We would love to pay for the entire thing by ourselves, and if I hadn't been laid off, we would be going that route. Thank you for your concern.

I read this OP and was not surprised to find that some of the same people are, again, being overly rude and obnoxious. It would be nice if thoughtful comments were the norm instead of the exception.

SD3194 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:1c5c6033-158f-466b-9f7c-4f3ed328dfcb">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]The girls who posted on your comment post on everyone's comments... and are mostly rude. Trix is so giddy about her rudeness, she even adds a someone's quote as a signature. Don't be surprised if you don't get any useful help on these message boards.
Posted by alndudle[/QUOTE]

Obviously, you've had a bad experience because your "momzilla" post made you sound like a spoiled rotten 5 year old. Sorry no one wants to validate your awful behavior. Trix gives pretty good advice...maybe you should take it.

vicki0508 · December 2010

You're right, I didn't go back and re-read your entire post, but my point remains the same. You got legit advice and for some reason think that people were mean to you.

jagore08 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:31d2ec9a-f4ca-4f90-a406-c09aa45901fe">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]Excuse you, but you obviously did not even read my OP in that my parents are helping with the food only, while my fiance and I are paying for everything else on our own... which yes, food is a major cost, but is not the entire wedding. We would love to pay for the entire thing by ourselves, and if I hadn't been laid off, we would be going that route. Thank you for your concern. I read this OP and was not surprised to find that some of the same people are, again, being overly rude and obnoxious. It would be nice if thoughtful comments were the norm instead of the exception.
Posted by alndudle[/QUOTE]
I don't need to be excused but thank you. And yes, I did read your post. If you knew your mom "wore the pants in the family" and if "mom ain't happy, no one's happy" (or whatever it was you said) then why take the money? You said you knew it was coming. Why so surprised? And like I said before, it sounds like you found a solution to your problem and I hope it works out in your favor. Truly.<div>
</div><div>OP, sorry for highjacking your thread.</div>

saisongbird · December 2010

OP, I hate to say it, since it's clearly just adding fuel to the fire, but you come across as a whiny brat. You're right, we don't know you We only know what you WRITE, as this is a message board. Your OP was not really about how you're going to miss your best friend, it was about how you don't have a slave to come to meeting with you - and these meetings aren't her responsibility to attend in the first place.

FWIW, my MOH (best friend in the world!) and I were engaged within 5 months of each other. With the exception of one day of dress shopping each, neither of us helped plan each others wedding or attended any meetings. Our FIANCES, and in a couple of cases, our parents (who were contributing financially) attended those meetings.

To be quite honest, I don't really care if your FB status is all about her right now, what I care about is the way you speak to me (and that's not me specifically, but everyone who has responded to you) on here. Because I don't know you IRL, and I can't see your FB status. What I can see and what I can respond to is your thoughts and behaviors on here. So if you don't want to be treated and talked to like a five year old, then don't behave like one. And if you go back, and re-read your OP, as you've been advised to do, you'll see why we're responding the way that we are.

AutumnFair · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:df31c663-2ceb-4e25-a07e-920746e7af2e">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I was surprised about how many of them come off that way. It seems to be a trend. To offer some helpful advice, I'd say you'd need to talk to your MOH about it... but probably not this instant, since she's still in the excited, just-engaged stage. It may not be as dramatic or urgent in reality as it seems right now, if you wait a few days or so. If she's your best friend, she'll understand your concerns and will probably try to work things out so she can help you with the things you would like her to be there for. Good luck, best wishes, and I hope you get some useful comments.
Posted by alndudle[/QUOTE]

You know what's funny, NO ONE was even rude or mean spirited in your thread, it was YOU that was being a self-righteous in saying "thanks for nothing". Seriously, I think responses like that are worse then someone deleting or not coming back. It's funny how you keep thinking that your mom paying is no big deal, but fact remains that it is because you got laid off and would not be able to afford your wedding if it wasn't for your parents.

As for you OP, be excited for your friend. It might be sad that she is moving but I'm sure she is just as sad that she is moving away from friends. Basically my advice, just be excited for her and just keep in contact with her as a general friend asking how life is going. I know you both will probably be going back and forth with each others weddings and ideas, but just remember to have regular "did you see the new season of "insert popular series". As you know she doesn't need to be involve in every aspect of your wedding, so there is no need to really freak out about stuff. Take a breather and just be happy for your friend. I think you are just worrying over the many changes going on in her life, but really if you can accept and go with the flow with changes in her life, keeping in contact, giving her space, just being an open friend you will be fine.

rodeo417 · December 2010

hey marie i sent you a private message. please read

pretzelgrrl · December 2010

Yeah...I'd be freaking out too if my best friend was moving...I know I did when one of my best friends moved (and then another moved ugh!) but the good thing is in this day and age we got email, skype, etc. It will be like she is right next door

And I'm sure she will still be able to email you and let you know what to ask at those meetings. Plus, I got a really good planner that helped. Yo might like it Emily Post's Wedding Planner...it had whole sections on what to ask vendors

M&R7111 · December 2010

Right, so this part:

"I AM FREAKING OUT. not only because my best friend in the entire world is moving FAR away from me...."

is understandable

But it was this next part:

"but because her wedding will be in June or July. Mine is in September, guess who won't be attending much of my wedding things??? HER!
I am so sad. I need her. She knows what she's doing. I want her at the meetings, at certain things... "

that comes off as selfish.

Aerin said exactly what I thought - "What meetings?"

The way you wrote it sounds like you are upset because your MOH isn't going to be there to help you plan your wedding and 'how dare she'. You may have meant it that you are going to miss her so much because she won't be there to share this important time with you. I can see wanting her around for dress shopping and all, and missing her presence. But really, the way you wrote it came off the other way. If it weren't for people who really do get pissed that their MOH got engaged and are "steeling their thunder" no one would have read your post that way.

Surely you can see that what you wrote can be seen both ways on here, and those that posted "not to your liking" have every reason to have seen this differently.

tldh · December 2010

OP - I got engaged and moved from Cleveland to Philadelphia. Trust me when I say that when you talk to your friend, leave the wedding chat out of any and all conversations. Her whole life is about to change and whatever you are feeling, what's going on in her head is much more intense. She has to start over career wise and even scarier, she is faced with having to make new friends - this gets harder to do as you get older. Her whole world is going to be turned upside down.

And in the future, you and alndudle need to reread what you wrote before you post it. As almost everyone has told you, we don't have anything to go off of except what you write. We don't know you and despite what a lot of newbies think, we are not witches with crystal balls, so it's up to you to be clear in your posts.

And almdudle - for the record, Trix is like the Den Mom on these boards. She doesn't need anyone to defend her but everyone with more than a couple hundred posts will do so. If you don't think you get any helpful advice on these boards, why are you still here?

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:1c5c6033-158f-466b-9f7c-4f3ed328dfcb">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]The girls who posted on your comment post on everyone's comments... and are mostly rude. Trix is so giddy about her rudeness, she even adds a someone's quote as a signature. Don't be surprised if you don't get any useful help on these message boards.
Posted by alndudle[/QUOTE]
Shoo. Go whine to mommy that she's inviting too many people to the party she's both throwing and paying for. Let us know how that works out. Long and short: a woman old enough and smart enough to be in grad school should also be mature enough to carry herself as an adult, both online and in wedding planning. No one was rude to you; I'm sorry so many people had to be the bearers of bad news about how the world works. I'm sure it was a shock to you. <div>
</div><div>I do, however, have sympathy for you getting laid off. My DH was laid off just after we got engaged and couldn't find full-time work for nearly a year and we had to move cross-country for it. I was a full-time student and couldn't contribute. We lived off my student loans for a full year. It sucks right now. But that doesn't give you an excuse to be a brat to anyone, including your mom and us.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I too have a brat's whiny insult in my sig. Actually, most people here do. Why you're picking on trix, the salt of the earth, is beyond me. You couldn't pick a worst target to hate--no leg to stand on. You're the Michael Scott to Trix's Toby--your anger is irrational and just makes you look petty.</div>

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:f9e35efb-8e24-4867-b92b-037f099b1dac">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]vicki: ....thanks for thinking i was a troubled 16yr old. you're so nice. alndudle: Thanks for to input about them. <strong>Im sitting here telling my fiance about each post, getting upset. . . she's like "r we still talking about the knot?!" hahah</strong>
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]
Dude, it's just the internet. Chill out and have a glass of wine.<div>
</div><div>If you posted the opposite of what you meant, you can't fault anyone but yourself for it being inaccurate. When I read your OP, I came to the same conclusion. It was all about how your MOH can't help you plan your wedding because she's now engaged, and wouldn't we be upset if the same thing happened to us? It comes across as self-centered. If that's not what's going on, brilliant (whew!) but don't be upset because you didn't write the situation very well. We're not mind-readers. Have FI read your OP, he may tell you the same thing.</div>

my MOH just got engaged!

Re: my MOH just got engaged!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards