faith and misconceptions

SKThomas2013 · November 2012

My FI and I are both pagan with heavy wiccan leanings. Both our families are varying degrees and denominations of Christianity. Should we not have a handfasting to avoid drama? We both really want a handfasting but I'm afriad it'll cause too much trouble with our families.

mandi195 · November 2012

I come from a strong Catholic family, but I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. If that is what you believe, then do what goes along with that. I would never judge anyone for doing things that are traditional for their faith/religion/belief system.

RamonaFlowers · November 2012

The hand fasting IS a pagan ritual, however, way back in the days when the European countries where trying to unify everybody under one (Usually Christian) religion, a lot of the old rituals were altered a bit to make people more comfortable with making the transition, so they didn't feel like they were completely abandoning the way that they used to worship (Example: the circle people see on the Celtic cross is to signify the "Sun" god that the pagan Celtic people worshipped prior to the adoption of Catholic or Protestant faiths). So now, there are Christian-based religions that acknowledge hand-fasting (Such as PP's daughter) as a "Jesus approved" ritual in wedding ceremonies.

Okay, that was my "what I learn in Western Civ 101" soapbox-like lecture for the day. Anyway, OP, if it means a lot to you to have a hand-fasting in your wedding ceremony, then do it. If you want to spare offending your family, I'm sure there's a way to have your officiant word that portion of your ceremony that will satisfy you without forcing you to announce to your Christian relatives that you are a Pagan.

I'm not saying you should keep your beliefs completely in the closet ... but I also know that you don't owe anyone an explanation for what you personally choose to believe, and if explaining makes you uncomfortable, you can choose to have a more "Jesus-friendly" wording included in your ceremony if it will make you feel more at ease with having a hand-fasting in your ceremony.

FTR: I'm a lapsed Catholic, DH is a Buddhist ... his family has no clue what either one of us actually believes, and my family only kind of seems to know ... but as long as we celebrate Christmas (Which we do, because we think Christmas is fun), nobody seems to really care what we do.

Lisa50 · November 2012

Why would you skip a handfasting, if it means so much to you? You can have a private ceremony if your concern is how your families may react. Whatever you do, don't skip it!

AdeleDazeem · November 2012

I'd have the handfasting ceremony without a second thought.

unchatenfrance · November 2012

My two cents - handfasting is absolutely pagan in origin but it remains a part of Christian Orthodox ceremonies (in Orthodoxy generally, many more pagan elements remain than in Western Christianity). OP, maybe if your families are opposed to the idea, mention this to them? Never mind the pagan roots of having bridesmaids. Or, you know, Christmas and Easter :-)

AddieCake · November 2012

Have they expressed that they are opposed to the handfasting, or are you just looking to avoid the possibility that they are? I think the only way to know how they feel (and by they, I mean the VIPs like your immediate family,not extended family b/c you can't please everyone) is to talk to them about it. They could surprise you and be very supportive of it and just see it as a nice unity addition to the ceremony, giving no thought at all to it being Pagan.

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

OP, if you are going to do a true pagan handfasting, you can have everyone happy. It's not originally supposed to be in the wedding itself, but rather a year before. If it were to be equated to modern rituals, it would most closely resemble a formal engagement, with some of the privlages and rights of marriage. You could adapt it into a private ceremony for you and your closest pagan circle without your family having ro witness and be offended. Then later you can have a non denominational wedding ceremony that your family would be comfortable wuth. Have your cake and eat it too

mandi195 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_faith-and-misconceptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4f52c1de-a521-4bba-aff8-e78b8fd4705bPost:11b501b4-c81d-4b0e-b1a9-b7a1e96afe7b">Re:faith and misconceptions</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, if you are going to do a true pagan handfasting, you can have everyone happy. It's not originally supposed to be in the wedding itself, but rather a year before. If it were to be equated to modern rituals, it would most closely resemble a formal engagement, with some of the privlages and rights of marriage. You could adapt it into a private ceremony for you and your closest pagan circle without your family having ro witness and be offended. Then later you can have a non denominational wedding ceremony that your family would be comfortable wuth. Have your cake and eat it too :p
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]
This is great advice, and sounds like the best win-win solution. (That is, unless you're set on doing it during your wedding ceremony)

SKThomas2013 · December 2012

Thanks so much. Most of our family aren't in the know on our faith but we've decided to include the handfasting ceremony and include a small explanation. Our faith is one of the things that brought us together so we decided it was worth the explanation. I don't think anyone will be offended since we aren't going to mention anything pagan but since handfasting itself is pagan i just wasn't sur eif itd cause a stir. Thank you all so much for your help.

handfast4me · December 2012

So, I'm Pagan (not Wiccan) and so is DH. We had a handfasting, and really researched what we wanted. If you google "subtle handfasting" you can see a TON of ceremonies that will allow you and your fiance to remain in the "broom closet" while still having what you need. If you're planning on calling quarters/casting a circle, though, all bets are off. A lot of my friends and I have couched the handfasting by saying it's a Celtic tradition (which it seems to be, by all accounts). I'm heavily involved in my Scottish heritage, so having a tartan ribbon was another option for our handfasting. It's where the original term "tie the knot" comes from, so you can also have an explanation in your programs saying that, if you choose to have programs.

BB!

alenglish · January 2013

I am right there with you. My FI and I are pagan but his family is mostly Episcopalian and my family is mostly Catholic. Right out the gate, we knew we didn't want a church wedding, a priest, or anything to do with God. It's not that we don't respect these practices, but they don't reflect who we are us a couple. We are having a close friend get ordained to perform the ceremony. All three of us will work on the ceremony wording together and my FI and I will write our own vows. In a nod to handfasting, my FI will provide his bow tie to join our hands with (if you watch Doctor Who, you will understand this). The ceremony will be special to us while avoiding any blatant signs that we are pagan in order to avoid upsetting our more religious guests.

Frankly, I'm more worried about my roman catholic grandmother seeing my back tattoo for the first time as I walk down the aisle! Bahaha

alenglish · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_faith-and-misconceptions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:4f52c1de-a521-4bba-aff8-e78b8fd4705bPost:f9f47c8f-995f-43ca-a1f9-235f17ef133c">Re: faith and misconceptions</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I'm Pagan (not Wiccan) and so is DH. We had a handfasting, and really researched what we wanted. If you google "subtle handfasting" you can see a TON of ceremonies that will allow you and your fiance to remain in the "broom closet" while still having what you need. If you're planning on calling quarters/casting a circle, though, all bets are off. A lot of my friends and I have couched the handfasting by saying it's a Celtic tradition (which it seems to be, by all accounts). I'm heavily involved in my Scottish heritage, so having a tartan ribbon was another option for our handfasting. It's where the original term "tie the knot" comes from, so you can also have an explanation in your programs saying that, if you choose to have programs. BB!
Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

I am definitely going to have to search for that and see what else we can incoporate without giving my grandmother a heart attack :)

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