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"real" grandparents

right1thistimeright1thistime member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Second Weddings
Inspired by a Nest Post on Relationships. "Am I Being Selfish?"

For those of you with adult children - do you think that your grandchildren will consider your new spouse to be a grandpa?  Or would you expect them to identify the difference in the relationship somehow, like Grandpa Mike? 

My kids call DH by his first name.  That is how they were introduced to him, way back when, and it is how it is.  Neither of my kids is old enough to be married or independent enough to have kids. But I would fully expect him to be called Grandpa or Papa.  (I want to be Nana).  I guess if my kid were adamant that he be Papa firstname, I would go with the flow.  I just assume that their bio father will have a different grandparent name, if they even have a relationship with him at that point. 

Do you think that a deceased parent needs to have a special name reserved for them once the grandkids come? ~Donna
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Re: "real" grandparents

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    MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    hmmmmmm  Donna you bring up an interesting question and one I hadn't thought about.  I just assume since my DSD calls me "mom" that her future children would call me Grandma or Nana  Ang.  She calls my mom Grandma First Name... and her Dad's Mom Grandma First Name...  She just calls my mom's husband by his first name since that is what we all do. 
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Well, even though my daughter was in college when I met my DH, and in her 20s when we married, she refers to him as her stepdad when she speaks of him to others.  She calls him by his first name, and so does my granddaughter, but my DD is a very giving, loving person, and accepts DH totally and fully into her heart/life. 

    DH, on the other hand, thinks that DDs biological father should take full responsibility for bringing up a great kid into adulthood.  He respects my ex for doing that, as he sees so many dads that don't.  DH doesn't like to be called father or grandfather, hence the first name reference that he prefers. 

    And here's a funny story.  On the way home from our honeymoon, DH and I stopped by DD's University, and took her shopping at a local store.  DD ran into a friend who asked:  Are those your parents?  DD replied Yes.  And after the friend left, DD turned to DH and said "Surprise!  It's a girl!"   We all laughed at that, because it's just too hard to explain the reality of the divorce, mom remarrying, etc. 
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    And also, to actually answer the question, :-)  my DD's grandparents were all her biological grandparents, but only one is still alive.  They each had names, and we still refer to them that way just so that there's no confusion, of say, which grandfather we're talking about.  I'm not sure that the dead folks care if they're referred to as "Grampy Arthur" and "Grampy Bob".  

    Whatever's easy for tiny people to remember when they speak to or about the living grandparents should take priority.  I would love for my granddaughter to call me grandma, but she can't manage that, so I am Mi Mi.  My DH's mom (so, if you're following, she has no biological connection to my granddaughter) is GG, which stands for Great Grandma.  :-)
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    debbiem56debbiem56
    First Anniversary First Comment
    My children were all in their 30's when I met my DH and all but one of their children were already born. My children and grandchildren call me Grandma First Name and they call him by his First Name only.  He has 2 grown sons in their late 20's who call me by my first name, but his stepgrandson and his newborn granddaughter will probably call us Grandma First name and Grandpa First name (at least that is what his son and DIL said).  His toddler great nieces also call me Aunt First Name.

    So, I think it depends on how old the children and grandchildren were when he entered thier lives (and if there is an ex around).
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    Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment

    That original post is a bit more than my brain can take in at this hour, LOL. I guess I'm not getting the "deceased grandparent" part at the end.


    Kevin has 3 adult kids. His daughter who lives out of state has 3 kids, and her mother/Kevin's ex is deceased. Her kids are too young to remember their late grandmother. His daughter doesn't call me "Mom", nor would I expect her to. It doesn't matter to me what they call me. I think at this point they refer to me as "Grandma Sue", and it doesn't matter to me that I'm not just "Grandma".

    His other daughter has a 19 month old daughter. That ex wife is still alive. I have no idea what this grandchild will call me, nor do I care at this point.

    To me it's not about the labels or what they call you, it's the relationship you build with them. FWIW, my kids always called my parents Nana and Papa........... in spite of the fact that our entire family has always used the standard "Grandma" and "Grandpa". I have no idea how Nana & Papa got started. But then I'm old and feeble and don't remember much, LOL.

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    squarepeg72squarepeg72
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    my kids have grandparents and step grandparens. They call thier stepmother's parents "Grandma" and "Granddaddy" just like the rest of the cousins there. My youngest is excited for the wedding because she declared that she could start calling FMIl "Nana" instead of "Ms. Bonnie" and FFIL "Poppa" instead of "Mr. Herman" I really feel like the parents set the tone for what the children call them and thier grandparents. It should be whatever everyone is comfortable with. I had a student who called his grandfather "Bill" - he was raise by his grandparents and that is what he heard his grandmother call his grandfather so it stuck.
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    lindaloulubbocklindaloulubbock
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    I call my stepfather's mother, Grandmom, or on occassion Grandmom FirstName.  When my grandfather remarried after the death of my Nana, I called his wife by her first name for years because her grandchildren callled her Nana and I just couldn't do that.  Recently I've begun calling her Nanny. My stepbrother's children have all called my mom Gramma even though my brothers don't call her mom. 

    My children call my husband either Mr. FirstName or Poppa.  They call his parents GG and Pop.  My children are lucky enough to still have 5 living greatgrandparents (either bio or step) and sometimes to avoid confusion with them we call them Greatgrammy FirstName.  

    I've always been of the opinion that a kid can never have too many grandmas and grandpas. :) 
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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Hmm ... I've never thought of it.  My son calls my parents mama and papa; he calls his paternal grandparents grandma Betty and papa Joe.  So, using the combo of terms of endearment and first names came naturally and had nothing to do with a step relationship.

    My son (18, college freshman) has known H for almost 5 years and has always called him by his first name.  I would suspect his kids (eeep!) will call H some derivation of grandpa. As long as they don't call me nana, nanny or granny, I am sure I'll be okay with whatever they choose. 

    But honestly, may I think about this in 12 - 15 years??  You're blowing my mind, Donna!  LOL ...
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    sandrajean1023sandrajean1023
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    My brother's wife has 2 children from her first marriage.  They call my mom Grandma First Name, my dad Papa First name, my dad's girlfriend MiMi and sometimes my mom's boyfriend Grandpa First Name.  I'm Aunt Sandra, and my FI is Uncle Nick.  We've really taken them into our family (her family is NOT close-knit AT ALL), so it just came natural for them to call us those things.  It's kind of funny when you think of all of the "grandparents" these kids have!

    On another note, my parents have been with their significant others for 10+ years, but my brother and I were much older when they came into our lives.  We just call them by their first names.
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    aynos77aynos77 member
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    hmm.. this is an interesting thought. My children from 1st marriage are close to their father, but also close to FI since he has been in their lives since they were 6 and 7 and are now 12 and 13, FI's parents have also played a huge roll in that time, and my mom... but first husbands parent fell out of the picture when 1st husband and I got seperated, when my kids were 3 and 4 .. My children consider FI's parents their grandparents! so, I think that by the time my kids are ready to have kids that they will have a diffrent name for FI and their father as grandparents of their kids. ... maybe pappy and pop pop or soemthing like that. ...I think if depends on the closeness of the reltionship, not the actual blood line.
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