Chit Chat

Church decisions

I am methodist & my groom is catholic.  Neither of us attend church regularly.  His father would like us to get married in a Catholic church and when I mentioned it to my mom, she would rather us get married in a Methodist church.  I know everyone says to 'do what we want', but this is a tough decision for us.  Any advise would be appreciated!  This is stressin me out :)

Re: Church decisions

  • Go Baptist?

    Would you be opposed to getting married outside of the church? Still having a religious ceremony, but maybe at the venue where your reception would be if you were thinking about having a reception at a different venue aside from the church?
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  • If one of the two families is paying for the wedding I might sway you to their side.  If you are paying for yourselves, then you really can do what feels right for you. 

    If you and your FI have discussed how you will raise your future children religiously (I hope you have) you may want to choose that place to have the ceremony.  This way you can tell your parents that this is the way that you are choosing your new family to worship. 
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  • Even if your parents are paying, they still shouldn't have any say in which religion you choose to marry in.  There's a lot that goes into a church wedding in most religions; it's not just a matter of which venue is prettier or holds the right number of people.  Are you willing to go through pre-marital counseling in that religion?  Are you willing to promise to raise your children in that religion?  Both of those are common requirements in many denominations.  Additionally, if neither of you currently attends church, you might have difficulty finding a church to marry you at all; many require that one or both parties be a regular member of that particular community in order to perform the wedding.

    Ultimately, this should be about what you and your FI believe, and that's it.  Your parents need to back out of this one, and you need to be able to tell them to do so.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    What church will the two of you attend together once you are married?  What church will your raise your (if any) children in?  If you've chosen one of your two denominations, then go with that.  If you haven't discussed it, this is the perfect time.  If you don't plan to go to church or raise your children in a church, then this is the perfect time to explain to mom & dad that while you were raised with that tradition, you don't particularly subscribe to it anymore.

    This may be a good place for a non-denominational officiant in a neutral place.  
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
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    Obviously do what you want and what makes you the most comfortable.  We have a similar issue; though I've agreed to marry in the Catholic Church.  However, tradition is that the marriage usually takes place in the bride's church.  It's not something you have to do - but if it will give a guideline for making the decision.

    Additionally - you could always consider a multi-denominational ceremony; or if a priest wouldn't be willing to do that, they can just provide a blessing at a non-denominational location or at a Methodist Church.  The blessing option allows the marriage to have the "thumbs up" from the Catholic Church for those family members who have that concern.

     

  • Same situation here, so we're getting married outdoors, it's where I experience God most often anyways, I feel nature is God's biggest cathedral of all, and neither family feels slighted that way.
    As my fiance is fond of saying, "Just Relax....."
  • That is hard, sometimes people do the offical cermony in one church but then a few weeks after have another ceremony in the other church. My fiance is letting me in married in the church i grew up =] which is nice. But he reason was its in your city and its best to plan it that way, but we are having his pastor in my church.. which is the best of both worlds. I think you should sit down with both sides and vioce your concerns and whoever is paying for the wedding has the most say i believe. My fiance and i are paying for most of it so what we say goes. LOL.
  • tldhtldh
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited September 2010
    In Response to Church decisions:
    I am methodist & my groom is catholic.  Neither of us attend church regularly.  His father would like us to get married in a Catholic church and when I mentioned it to my mom, she would rather us get married in a Methodist church.  I know everyone says to 'do what we want', but this is a tough decision for us.  Any advise would be appreciated!  This is stressin me out :)
    Posted by Imbrogno
    This is one question that cannot be answered by anyone except you and your FI.  This isn't picking a caterer or deciding on a reception hall.  This goes to something that actually will affect your marriage, especially if you plan to have children.   If you haven't discussed which faith to raise children in, this conversation needs to happen ASAP and honestly, should have happened before you even became engaged.  This decision will likely answer your question.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • This is one question that cannot be answered by anyone except you and your FI.  This isn't picking a caterer or deciding on a reception hall.  This goes to something that actually will affect your marriage, especially if you plan to have children.   If you haven't discussed which faith to raise children in, this conversation needs to happen ASAP and honestly, should have happened before you even became engaged.  This decision will likely answer your question.

    Very well said
  • I am Anglican and my FH is Catholic. Neither of us go to church. We decided to have an outdoor ceremony. Still not sure on which Minister to pick, I guess which ever one is okay with us living together and already have a child together.
    Anyways, if it is raining outside we're just going with the Catholic church here in the area. But, I won't be changing my religion!

    We went to a friends wedding last month, they got married in the Moravian Church, neither was of that religion.

    Choose whichever you both feel comfortable with. Unless your super religious :S

    Anyways good luck with it Smile
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