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MOH is completely letting me down

topdonut13topdonut13
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in Moms and Maids
 I was the MOH for my cousins wedding, now she is mine. From the start she has acted like she wants nothing to do with my wedding. She recently had a baby and that has only made things worse. Im trying not to let it bother me but I cant help but feel like crap. She just told me she can't come to the bachelorette party next week because of personal issues. Then I found out from the other bridesmaids that she still hasnt contributed a dime to my shower that the entire bridal party threw for me over two months ago. Its making me not even want to give her the gifts I purchased for thanking her for being in the wedding! Ugh! I want to just be happy and enjoy my day and it feels impossible :(
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Re: MOH is completely letting me down

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-completely-letting-me-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:387f8ba2-ce8b-43db-9713-7a80cbca9f05Post:96ef10fe-7517-4669-9c57-39d3fe43c704">MOH is completely letting me down</a>:
    [QUOTE] I was the MOH for my cousins wedding, now she is mine. From the start she has acted like she wants nothing to do with my wedding. She recently had a baby and that has only made things worse. Im trying not to let it bother me but I cant help but feel like crap. She just told me she can't come to the bachelorette party next week because of personal issues. Then I found out from the other bridesmaids that she still hasnt contributed a dime to my shower that the entire bridal party threw for me over two months ago. Its making me not even want to give her the gifts I purchased for thanking her for being in the wedding! Ugh! I want to just be happy and enjoy my day and it feels impossible :(
    Posted by topdonut13[/QUOTE]

    OMG, she sounds so selfish! Who cares if she just created a brand new human being who is completely dependent on her for everything, she should be putting you and your wedding FIRST in her life!

    *ahem*

    So, that whole bridal shower thing. Did she agree beforehand with the other BMS to contribute to it, or did they throw it and tell her afterwards that she owes $X amount?
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Your MOH has no responsibiilities to you other than to purchase the requiste dress, be sober the day of the wedding, and arrive on time.  She is under no obligation to attend parties or throw you parties.

    Give her the gifts!  You're thanking her for standing by your side at your wedding, not for being your party planner.
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  • willywally5willywally5 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-completely-letting-me-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:387f8ba2-ce8b-43db-9713-7a80cbca9f05Post:7d6e46b9-2391-4b2e-8d72-961a8cf64a45">Re: MOH is completely letting me down</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your MOH has no responsibiilities to you other than to purchase the requiste dress, be sober the day of the wedding, and arrive on time.  She is under no obligation to attend parties or throw you parties. Give her the gifts!  You're thanking her for standing by your side at your wedding, not for being your party planner.
    Posted by cajitasazules[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>This exactly. Get a grip. </div>
    image
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-completely-letting-me-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:387f8ba2-ce8b-43db-9713-7a80cbca9f05Post:96ef10fe-7517-4669-9c57-39d3fe43c704">MOH is completely letting me down</a>:
    [QUOTE] I was the MOH for my cousins wedding, now she is mine. From the start she has acted like she wants nothing to do with my wedding. She recently had a baby and that has only made things worse. Im trying not to let it bother me but I cant help but feel like crap. She just told me she can't come to the bachelorette party next week because of personal issues. Then I found out from the other bridesmaids that she still hasnt contributed a dime to my shower that the entire bridal party threw for me over two months ago.  <strong>Did she agree to chip in for the shower and was she asked what she could afford?</strong>Its making me not even want to give her the gifts I purchased for thanking her for being in the wedding!  <strong>you are thanking her for being IN YOUR WEDDING, not what she could do for you as far as parties. </strong>Ugh! I want to just be happy and enjoy my day and it feels impossible :(
    Posted by topdonut13[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Please see the bolded print above.
    <div>
    </div><div>You will feel happy if you CHOOSE to feel happy and enjoy your wedding day.  You will be sad and melancholy if you CHOOSE to wallow in this drama you and your BM's  are creating.</div><div>
    </div><div>She just had a baby.  That can and does surely overwhelm many people.  Her entire world has changed.  Her entire focus has changed.  Getting ready for a baby is incredibly expensive.  Not just in the things you need for the baby, but medical bills that don't get covered, etc.</div><div>
    </div><div>Please step back and refocus.  I'll bet she had no clue how much diapers cost every month.  Not to mention wipes, formula if you use it, etc.  Most people are very shocked at how expensive it is to bring that little buggar home from the hospital into a fully stocked nursery.  You are just getting started.</div><div>
    </div><div>What she can/can't do for your wedding should have no bearing on your relationship and NO bearing on giving her her thank you gift.  I'm also wondering if your other BM's aren't causing some of the drama here and inflaming the whole thing.  A bride should never ever have a clue as to the planning/money issues for her shower.  If your girls are telling you she hasn't paid, they are DEAD wrong and being little drama llamas.  You should have no knowledge of any of that.</div><div>
    </div><div>She is family.  Nuff said.

    </div></div>
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-completely-letting-me-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:387f8ba2-ce8b-43db-9713-7a80cbca9f05Post:96ef10fe-7517-4669-9c57-39d3fe43c704">MOH is completely letting me down</a>:
    [QUOTE] I was the MOH for my cousins wedding, now she is mine. From the start she has acted like she wants nothing to do with my wedding. She recently had a baby and that has only made things worse. Im trying not to let it bother me but I cant help but feel like crap. She just told me she can't come to the bachelorette party next week because of personal issues. Then I found out from the other bridesmaids that she still hasnt contributed a dime to my shower that the entire bridal party threw for me over two months ago. Its making me not even want to give her the gifts I purchased for thanking her for being in the wedding! Ugh! <strong>I want to just be happy and enjoy my day and it feels impossible</strong> :(
    Posted by topdonut13[/QUOTE]

    Why?  Is your happiness completely dependent upon her?
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    You need to lower your expectations of an MOH. Sure, sometimes they offer to throw parties or attend meetings, etc, but that is by no means required. On top of that, she just had a baby for crying out loud!

    Definitely give her the gifts; as someone else said, you are not "rewarding" her for helping plan your wedding, but thanking her for (I'm assuming) being a good friend/cousin who is standing up next to you on your wedding day. And please try to put yourself in her shoes. She just had a baby which is not only life-changing, but incredibly expensive. Her baby is her priority right now, not your wedding.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    The gift is a thank you for being in yoru wedding, not payment for showers or b-parties or anything else.

    Remember two thing going forward:

    Baby trumps wedding.  Every. Single. Time

    Baby =$$$$$ mom and dad HAVE to spend.  Wedding = $$$$$$ they CHOOSE to spend.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • jnjmommy0609jnjmommy0609 member
    First Comment
    It sucks that it is like this but think for a minute. Are you a mom? Do you understand how expensive kids and babies are? Do you have any idea how tired this chick probably is? I get that it is your wedding and you want to be happy. But your happiness depends on you. Not other people. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • SpanishMandiSpanishMandi
    First Comment
    The woman just had a baby.  That will be her main concern right now.  She is not obligated to give you a damn thing.  She is obligated to buy the dress you select, show up in said dress and looking presentable in time for pictures and the ceremony, and not disparage your FH.

    Based on what she's saying, I'd say she's in great shape so far!
    Report Reply
  • kayce625kayce625 member
    First Comment
    Well it looks like all of these women just ripped you apart huh? See thats why I don't post questions on this website. The women are like wolves trying to eat you alive, with them thinking they are better then you. You shouldn't feel bad for the way you feel, because you have a right to feel this way because it is your own emotions. But instead of coming on here and having strangers make you feel like a pile of crap, talk to your MOH and tell her how you feel. (In a nice way). I am sure she will explain to you that she didn't mean to hurt your feelings and that being a first time mom or a mom at all can be very overwelming. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship, without it things can be assumed or taken the wrong way.
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  • HITAJ92HITAJ92
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-completely-letting-me-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:387f8ba2-ce8b-43db-9713-7a80cbca9f05Post:577fa473-3d05-426e-9c21-ee9f26f63be8">Re: MOH is completely letting me down</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well it looks like all of these women just ripped you apart huh? See thats why I don't post questions on this website. The women are like wolves trying to eat you alive, with them thinking they are better then you. You shouldn't feel bad for the way you feel, because you have a right to feel this way because it is your own emotions. But instead of coming on here and having strangers make you feel like a pile of crap, talk to your MOH and tell her how you feel. (In a nice way). I am sure she will explain to you that she didn't mean to hurt your feelings and that being a first time mom or a mom at all can be very overwelming. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship, without it things can be assumed or taken the wrong way.
    Posted by kayce625[/QUOTE]

     I agree  100% they aren't supportive AT ALL on this site WOLVES is putting it nicely!
     You are entitled to feel the way you do!  I hope it all works out for you
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  • topdonut13topdonut13
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-is-completely-letting-me-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:387f8ba2-ce8b-43db-9713-7a80cbca9f05Post:499f5006-7506-4e96-b888-dfbbaffefda8">Re: MOH is completely letting me down</a>:
    [QUOTE]You need to lower your expectations of an MOH. Sure, sometimes they offer to throw parties or attend meetings, etc, but that is by no means required. On top of that, she just had a baby for crying out loud! Definitely give her the gifts; as someone else said, you are not "rewarding" her for helping plan your wedding, but thanking her for (I'm assuming) being a good friend/cousin who is standing up next to you on your wedding day. And please try to put yourself in her shoes. She just had a baby which is not only life-changing, but incredibly expensive. Her baby is her priority right now, not your wedding.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    Ok, just saw this. I have two kids myself thank you.. i know what it is like. I dont know why i ever wrote on this damn site.. maybe for some support?and ps, your wrong.. if she was too busy then she should have said no to being MOH.
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