No

luvt2cjj48win · October 2012

Thanks

Jen4948 · October 2012

Nope. You can only tell people who have already asked about gift preferences by word of mouth. You cannot put any mention of gifts, or a no-gift request, in invitations.

brittany634 · October 2012

If they're already married it's not a wedding. It's a Vow Renewal and therefore should not be called a wedding or have any registries.

rajahmd · October 2012

Since gifts are not required, putting anything about them on the invitations is unnecessary. If they want to avoid getting boxed gifts, then simply do not register. Hopefully by doing so, most people will realize money is easier. Some people still prefer to give physical gifts, so I don't think there's anyway around that. Just ship or return what they get.

Edit: Missed the fact that it's a vow renewal, which means gifts generally aren't expected. Definitely don't register at all. If people want to get them something, they will. But there's no polite way to say "no gifts", especially for a vow renewal.

peterandlauraforever · October 2012

Is there a wedding website? You could put a short explanation on there. Don't put anything even "no gifts please" on the invitation. Let it spread by word of mouth. You'll just have to accept that even if people are told not to bring a gift that some will anyway.

rsanna · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26c280f6-91ed-42c4-9fa6-7b72270bc713Post:de5d7679-8d0e-464a-bc25-5d75db486704">No gifts please</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question about my daughters wedding invites. Her and her husband live in Alaska, they are both in the military and were married in the spring. They are coming home in Dec for a church wedding with family and friends. Because they live in AK, they are unable to send all the gifts home, it would cost a fortune. Do we put something in the invites so they do not get gifts? Like, "No gifts please, unable to ship them home"? Or just "No gifts please" Or what should we do? I know we are not supposed to put registries, etc in the invites, but we will have to do something or we will have lots of gifts to send to AK or return to stores. This will be a big wedding, so I cannot just call people. Any imput would be appreciated, Thanks.
Posted by luvt2cjj48win[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately there really isn't anything you can do besides spread it via word of mouth if you are asked about it. Putting no gifts or anything similar on the invitation comes across that you are expecting a gift, when they are actually optional. Your daughter and SIL can always sell or return the gifts and repurchase them later.

Hopefully all of your/their guests know that they are married. But since they are, they might not get very many gifts. Like I said, if they do, they will either need to pay to ship them or sell them and repurchase them later.

wrigleyville · October 2012

They already had their wedding. This is really just a party to celebrate the recent marriage, not a wedding. It could be considered a convalidation (if Catholic) or vow renewal (which is usually only reserved for the big anniversaries, even though some brides are using it as an excuse to have a do-over), but they're already married. Don't pass it off as a wedding.

Please tell me everyone knows they are already married.

I know there are a million excuses for military spouses getting married before deployment and such, but I stay firm in this. They made the choice to have a quickie wedding instead of waiting. They don't get a do-over. A lot of other couples run to the JOP for insurance or other reasons and then want to have a big (fake) wedding later, even though they're already married; they don't get a pass either.

Keep in mind I'm not saying they can't have a huge party to celebrate with family and friends, but it is NOT a wedding. It's a party. No wedding dress, no wedding cake, no spotlight dances.

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26c280f6-91ed-42c4-9fa6-7b72270bc713Post:ef943064-a76c-4aec-a58c-bb6249f235b9">Re: No gifts please</a>:
[QUOTE]They already had their wedding. This is really just a party to celebrate the recent marriage, not a wedding. It could be considered a convalidation (if Catholic) or vow renewal (which is usually only reserved for the big anniversaries, even though some brides are using it as an excuse to have a do-over), but they're already married. Don't pass it off as a wedding. Please tell me everyone knows they are already married. I know there are a million excuses for military spouses getting married before deployment and such, but I stay firm in this. They made the choice to have a quickie wedding instead of waiting. They don't get a do-over. A lot of other couples run to the JOP for insurance or other reasons and then want to have a big (fake) wedding later, even though they're already married; they don't get a pass either.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. If they are getting married in the church next year so their wedding can be recognized by the church, well, ok. I'm not even totally ok with that, but I get that some religious people do it. (they could have waited and got married in the church to begin with).

So, since the wedding next year is a do-over. No registries. And honestly, if people ask about gifts or registries. I would spread by word of mouth and say something like "the couple isn't registered anywhere since this is a renewal of their vows so they can be recognized by our church We hope you can make it to witness the vow renewal".

wrigleyville · October 2012

Sugar, you were quoted. Deleting serves no purpose.

rajahmd · October 2012

Umm, OP, you've been quoted. There was no reason to delete your post. Actually, it's kinda rude.

LesPaul · October 2012

You were quoted. You also got some good advice.

I'm going to assume the DD indicates the guests do not know they are already married, and the whole thing is a sham.

peterandlauraforever · October 2012

She probably ran because you guys started to pick apart her daughters ppd which wasn't her question at all.

emeejeeayen · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26c280f6-91ed-42c4-9fa6-7b72270bc713Post:c37bf021-1b38-4865-ad8c-db6055c25c41">Re: No gifts please</a>:
[QUOTE]The couple can't mention gifts. At all. Even if they don't want them. To do so is to hint that they were otherwise expected. This includes on the website. When asked about the registry, they can then respond with the gift information. Actually, it's a faux pas to bring gifts to the wedding. It's proper etiquette to send them to the couple's home BEFORE the wedding because of situations like this.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Not super related, but the first wedding I attended as an adult, no one told my friends and I about this faux pas, so we showed up with huge packages from William-Sonoma. That was super fun since both the bride and groom's families didn't really speak english and were very confused. Good times. </div>

wrigleyville · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26c280f6-91ed-42c4-9fa6-7b72270bc713Post:a163c71b-d1e0-4ce0-9dd8-d0bcbf1f6d8c">Re: No</a>:
[QUOTE]She probably ran because you guys started to pick apart her daughters ppd which wasn't her question at all.
Posted by peterandlauraforever[/QUOTE]

If someone asks me what color they should paint their car, and their muffler is falling off, I'm going to give them a heads-up about the muffler.

I don't ignore the elephant in the room because, well, it's an elephant.

peterandlauraforever · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26c280f6-91ed-42c4-9fa6-7b72270bc713Post:dc6e92b7-3e93-4203-b407-50aa868645c2">Re: No</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No : If someone asks me what color they should paint their car, and their muffler is falling off, I'm going to give them a heads-up about the muffler. I don't ignore the elephant in the room because, well, it's an elephant.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

This is where all the assuming comes in with you guys. How do you know that the person asking you what color to paint their car hasn't already made plans to fix the muffler?

LesPaul · October 2012

We answered her questions about the 'no gifts' wording on the invitations. She also stated 'any input would be appreciated'. Pointing out that a do-over is a bad idea was just additional information related to her OP.

wrigleyville · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26c280f6-91ed-42c4-9fa6-7b72270bc713Post:638aa2ef-a79e-4bfd-bc14-1358a45546f2">Re: No</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No : This is where all the assuming comes in with you guys. How do you know that the person asking you what color to paint their car hasn't already made plans to fix the muffler?
Posted by peterandlauraforever[/QUOTE]

Okay, point taken. I should have used a different analogy. However, there was no assumption on our part in this case. She stated her daughter was already married and having another "wedding". There is no other way to interpret that, other than PPD.

If someone asks what they should do about their PPD, we're going to tell them PPDs are wrong. Plain and simple. You should know that by now.

We did give her some ideas for the gift issue, but we also stressed this is a party, not a wedding, since she's already married. I don't see the issue. I'm not going to carry on like it's perfectly okay for her to have a PPD. As I said, I don't ignore elephants in the room.

QueerFemme · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gifts-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26c280f6-91ed-42c4-9fa6-7b72270bc713Post:2ac27688-8947-4d03-813e-8ae42b5c7c65">Re: No</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No : Okay, point taken. I should have used a different analogy. However, there was no assumption on our part in this case. She stated her daughter was already married and having another "wedding". There is no other way to interpret that, other than PPD. If someone asks what they should do about their PPD, we're going to tell them PPDs are wrong. Plain and simple. You should know that by now. We did give her some ideas for the gift issue, but we also stressed this is a party, not a wedding, since she's already married. I don't see the issue. I'm not going to carry on like it's perfectly okay for her to have a PPD. As I said, I don't ignore elephants in the room.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

Wrigley, you don't have to respond to peterandlaura/lauraandpeter. She is a troll.

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