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FMIL/Rehearsal....HELP! *long*

Ok, first, I am posting this here, because I want brutally honest opinions.  If I'm out of line, tell me.  If I'm right, tell me!  And, if you have any suggestions, tell me!  This is partially a vent and partially a need for some ideas. 
 Smile

My FMIL and FI's Step-dad are hosting our rehearsal dinner.  FMIL is pretty much a control freak and is extremely stubborn.  When she gets something in her head, that's it.  FI and FMIL have had some pretty heated discussions around the idea that she's been married 4 times and now it's our turn to have our wedding.  She's pretty insistant on wanting to plan every detail of our wedding.  I'm greatful for the help she's given, but there are certain things that we just don't want to do her way.  Not to mention, other than the rehearsal dinner, the future in-laws are not paying one single penny for the wedding. Which is fine.  My parents offered to pay for part and FI and I are taking care of the rest. 

Anyway, sorry about the long background...here's my dilemna.  Our reception is going to have a hockey theme to the decor.  Still classy, but little things like mini hockey sticks incorporated into our centerpieces and a hockey rink groom's cake, etc.  And, our colors are black and white with red accents.  Well, FMIL, decided to purchase black and white striped plates for the rehearsal dinner because they match the colors and they're "referee like".  This is fine.  I'm ok with that...no biggie. 

But, she sent me a text yesterday and told me to find some cheap whistles...when I asked what they were for, she said the rehearsal dinner.  ???  She wants everyone to wear a whistle so "we can be like referees".  FI and I HATE this idea.  It's a wedding...not an 8 year old's bday party.  Today, she told me that she has games planned too!  I'm trying really hard not to get b!tchy about this, but I have 2 problems with this. 

1) Games are for the showers, not the rehearsal and dinner.  We want to get rehearsed, eat, and get on with the evening. 

2)It was FMIL's suggestion (and a good one) that after the dinner, the guys stick around and do the cleanup at the church because that's where our dinner will be.  And, the ladies head over to the reception hall to decorate.  So, we kind of need to eat and get over there.  It's going to be a late late night the way it is. 

I don't know how to tactfully tell her that the whistles are not a good idea.  I told her that I didn't think many people would want to wear the whistles.  And, that they could potentially get annoying.  But, she said "Oh, we'll just make the men wear them".  WHAT??? 

Am I out of line in not wanting whistles and games at the rehearsal?  Do I even have a say in it?  We have a large wedding party, so getting through the rehearsal is going to be tough and lengthy as it is.  Let's hear it. 

Re: FMIL/Rehearsal....HELP! *long*

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    Ouch.  Yeah, that's really lame.  But I say let her bring the stupid whistles; no one is going to want to put them on, anyway.  Maybe your MOH or Best Man can speak up and say "we can't play games - we have to go clean up/decorate/get some sleep/whatever" so that you and your fiance won't look like the bad guys?
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    Yeah, have your FI talk to her about problems, not you. Also, it's not like she can force grown adults to wear whistles if they don't want to.
    7/10/10 imageDandy
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    It's lame, but I don't think its anything to fight over. Just have her put them by the plates... but you can't force people to wear them. Please tell her that.

    I'd also encourage her to get done early by saying, "We should really wrap the dinner up by such-and-such time if we're going to get the decorating done, so I don't know if we have time for a lot of games."

    FWIW I LOVE hockey. I'm actually going to a Sabres/Kings game tonight. It's the highlight of this year. Second only to my wedding, I think.
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    Ok..this would be different if she were stubborn and had good ideas, but really...this crap??? 
    Since the rehearsal dinner is planned & paid for by your FI's parents you don't have a huge say in it.  HOWEVER, I would have the FI sit down with them and tell them that he was thinking of a more traditional rehearsal dinner without games and whistles. Have him suggest doing these games at a shower. This falls under his responsibility. 
    If she surprises you with games at the RD then let it go & try be a good sport
    Anniversary
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    Well, I took the advice of many of you. FI talked to his mom tonight and explained that we really are limited on time since we have a lot to do that night as it stands and it's going to be a long day the next day.  And, he very lovingly explained that we're all adults and this is a wedding and no one is really going to be into the idea of wearing whistles.  Her response (and, she said this loud enough that I could hear her on the phone) "I am paying for the rehearsal dinner. So I will plan what I want.  You two just be quiet and let me know my thing.  End of discussion."  She then proceeded to text me and tell me that we were being partypoopers and we needed to learn how to have fun.  So, I was explaining to her that if we don't have the rehearsal til 5, then dinner and wedding party thank yous and gifts, we're looking at a minimum of 8 before we can even start decorating the reception site. She doesn't see a problem with this!  I'm at a loss at this point.  I understand that she's paying for the dinner and all, but I can't imagine why she's being so rude about our wishes.  And, we told her that we're very thankful that they're willing to host the dinner, which we are.  And, I know that normally when someone pays, then they have full control.  Which, I would be ok with...but she's going to attempt to make 50 adults wear whistles!  All she said was that she plans on greeting everyone at the door and without a whistle around their neck, they don't get in!  WTF????  Ok, I'm way over-stressed on this subject..I need to get some sleep.  Thanks for listening! 
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    Sounds so so familiar.

    The best advice I've heard is just to let her stress out about the details and you can come out on top by (here's the best part!) ENJOYING your wedding no matter if she wants to make it easy for you or not.

    I know it's not always as easy as it sounds, but how can you let her ruin your wedding by freaking about plastic whistles?
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    Oh, no....they can't be plastic whistles.  She's on a mission to find "real" metal ones!  LOL!  (Yeah, she really said that!)  So, I can't help but laugh when I think about it now!  After venting on here last night and listening to all of you and your advice.  I found myself laughing at how ridiculous this whole thing is.  Seriously!  I'm not happy with it, but I can't control it either.  I love Sapphire's mantra!  I'm going to adopt it!  THANKS!!!

    I told my mom and FI this morning, I can't keep stressing over it because at the end of the day, she's going to do what she wants to do.  And, I have enough other stuff to focus on right now.  I can't worry about roping in the MIL-on-the-loose!  LOL! 

    So, again, thanks to all of you for letting me vent and share my frustration.  She makes me crazy sometimes!

    You girls are the best!
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    "I am paying for the rehearsal dinner. So I will plan what I want.  You two just be quiet and let me know my thing.  End of discussion." -- When you said that I coud actually head my FMIL saying that!!


    When I heard the whistle idea-- I cringed... on that one-- I would work behind the scenes, tell all my RD guests not to wear the tacky whistles!!! I love mass passive aggressiveness!!


    As much as I can I just try to drop things and then just HOPE they don't resurface!! That may be bad advice!! Currently I'm doing that with the suggestion of me having a "baby bridesmaid"!!!

    You last post is the most realistic... she is going to do WHATEVER she wants so just let go and do whatever YOU want!
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    Hmm.. Maybe tell her that she can do whatever she wants during the rehearsal dinner, but you need your WP to go to work decorating at 8pm sharp. That way she can feel in control and you can get what you need done.
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    I say let her think she's getting her way.  Then at the dinner, when you're ready for everyone to pack up and move on to their tasks, start blowing on your metal whistle and announce that you're leaving to decorate the reception site.  If she tries to argue, saying she has games or other things planned, you can always interrupt her with the whistle. :)  She can make whatever plans for the dinner she wants...but she can't make you go along with them once you're there.
    image

    Stop The Drama!

    image Love people. Use things. Never confuse the two.
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    Haha!!  lisarose you crack me up!  I was picturing that in my head while I was reading that and it gave me a sick sense of satisfaction!  Innocent

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    Ok so if she won't let you in without a whistle maybe you don't wear a whistle! JK. Just tell her that you are leaving to decorate & clean at ___pm and that whatever she has planned will have to fit into that time limit. She can have her "fun" and games and you will be able to get your tasks done.

    Anniversary
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    1.  She shouldn't be texting you or calling you at all.  The groom's side hosts the RD, so she should talk to the groom.  It's HIS side.  HE needs to handle his business.

    2.  She's snarky and possessive about the RD because it's the only thing her side gets to host in a whole weekend of wedding activities.  That's it.  She's been married FOUR TIMES, so she is WELL AWARE of how much the bride's side hosts, and how little the groom's side hosts.  She wants to make this RD as big and as memorable as she can - to say in every way that she can that she loves her son and she loves the woman he's chosen as his wife.
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    really Kristen?  How is life back in 1950?


    Anyway... while the whisles sound ridiculous, I would just let it go.  Maybe your FI can talk her into only having a few at each table, maybe part of the centerpiece or something??  I do not know, but it's not worth even stressing about.

    As far as games.. I really hate games.  But hey if she wants them why not compromise with having 1 or 2.  If your RD starts at 5, even with 1-2 games you should still be out at a reasonable hour.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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