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Family Wedding

fwogfwogfwogfwog
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

We have already gotten married but never had a ceremony. Life happened and we were forced to wed at the courthouse. Between he and I we have seven kids. Only one of the kids we had together. We had our son and then life happened and we tearfully broke up but got back together after my youngest was born not ever forgetting what we had once had. These kids were not able to attend our courhouse day. I have an idea in mind of a family ceremony. I was even thinking about getting the kids their own little wedding rings type of thing. Problem is, the two youngest of the seven are both boys and also three and one years old. I still want them to be a part of any idea that I can come up with but i just am a little unsure how to do this. Does anyone else have any ideas? These are all of the kids ages...19 (husbands daughter) 17 (husbands daughter) 13 (husbands daughterl) 12 (my daughter) 7 (my daughter) 3 (our son) 1 (my son)

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Re: Family Wedding

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    calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I'm confused did you have a courthouse wedding and get divorced, and now you want to remarry? Or are you looking to do some sort of vow removal ceremony?
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    fwogfwogfwogfwog
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    No, the first time we were together, we never ended up getting married. We just got legally married on March 7th :)
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    PeavyPeavy member
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    Then you've already had your ceremony at the courthouse.  You only get one wedding ceremony.

    And marriage is between two consenting adults, so there is no need to "marry" the children.
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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_family-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:e7c942e9-88ea-4087-b43b-4e7cbe5f3f94Post:7b5c1fda-ed0a-4ff8-9ccd-50f63406574a">Family Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have already gotten married but never had a ceremony. Life happened and we were forced to wed at the courthouse. Between he and I we have seven kids. Only one of the kids we had together. We had our son and then life happened and we tearfully broke up but got back together after my youngest was born not ever forgetting what we had once had. These kids were not able to attend our courhouse day. I have an idea in mind of a family ceremony. I was even thinking about getting the kids their own little wedding rings type of thing. Problem is, the two youngest of the seven are both boys and also three and one years old. I still want them to be a part of any idea that I can come up with but i just am a little unsure how to do this. Does anyone else have any ideas? These are all of the kids ages...19 (husbands daughter) 17 (husbands daughter) 13 (husbands daughterl) 12 (my daughter) 7 (my daughter) 3 (our son) 1 (my son)
    Posted by fwogfwog[/QUOTE]

    A wedding is between two people.  Period and from your second post, you were married last month.  I really don't understand what you are planning here but any giving of rings to kids (no matter their age) is inappropriate.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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    HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited April 2012
    You're already married therefore you can't have a wedding. Period. End of story.
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    kitty02katkitty02kat member
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    Ok... I think the PP have made their point very clear.  Your wedding has already come and gone... BUT you can do a vow renewal and lots of people include their children.  I'm not sure about giving them rings though.  What about getting the ladies and the guys to be bridesmaids/groomsmen and then including them in a sand ceremony?  The focus of your renewal should be you and your husband- however- you can include your children- just be sure they don't become the focus. :)  After they're out of the house- you two will still be bonded- keep that your focus! :)
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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_family-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:e7c942e9-88ea-4087-b43b-4e7cbe5f3f94Post:ab427530-84bd-4d28-b0ed-5dc576931962">Re: Family Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're already married therefore you can't have a wedding. Period. End of story.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

    Stop the madness!  You are already married. 
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    jesslynn1012jesslynn1012 member
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    edited April 2012
    If you have a vow renewal, instead of rings maybe you can do a necklace with a "family tree" or some other symbol that can represent your new, joined family?
    I think it's nice that you want to include all the children in the ceremony though, bc even as PP have repeatedly stated that a marriage is between two people, it obviously will have an impact on the family as a whole.  Good luck planning the ceremony you're hoping for:)
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2012
    I think giving your children wedding rings is creepy. 



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    calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Ok, with the new information, I think a vow renewal ceremony with your children might be appropriate, but I do urge you to listen to what PPs are saying about the boundaries of including your children in a ceremony.

    What everyone's getting at though I'm not sure anyone has said straight out is that while it's appropriate for you to take "vows" to your children (promising to always love them and take care of them and whatever), it's not appropriate to ask your children to take "vows" back in response, because they are in fact children, not legally or really emotionally capable of making binding promises.  And it would be weird and kind of creepily coercive to try and make them do it, even if they thought they wanted to, because (with the exception of the 19-year-old), they're not really old enough to actually understand what they're doing.

    That's why you're getting pushback against the ring idea- rings in our culture typically symbolize mutual vows- you don't give someone a ring when you promise to do something for them, you give them a ring when you promise to do something for them and they promise to do it back.  So the imagery of giving kids a wedding ring ends up looking creepily coercive as above.  Parents giving rings to kids also has the echo of the tradition of purity rings in some parts of the country/religious sects, which, frankly, are also incredibly creepy.

    One solution to this is to give your kids keepsakes at the ceremony that don't carry the cultural symbolic weight that rings do- for instance, you could do necklaces or lockets for the girls, and watches for the boys.

    Also, obviously, under the circumstances, it would be tacky to try and make the vow renewal/family ceremony look like a wedding.  (On these boards we call that having a Pretty Princess Day- when an already married woman dresses up like a bride because she thought her first wedding wasn't fancy enough.)  It doesn't sound like your goal is to get a do-over on your wedding, just to have a second ceremony where your kids can be included, and that, I think, is a good goal.  :)
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