Family...

mandynicholson · October 2010

Has anyone else had their future mother in law's call you to tell you they hope you die in a hole? Has your future father in law called your own sister an evil, disgusting brat? Mine just did both! How do you cope?! I'm supposed to be going to a birthday party with my fiance (his niece's) and of course the parents will be there. Now I have my 9 year old sister crying and saying she's not going to my wedding!

sarah0725 · October 2010

No, that hasn't happened to me.

But what should be happening now is that your FI should be getting on the phone with his parents (or whatever) to tell them that they are not to speak to his future wife or her family that way, and if they do so, they have a problem with him. And if he doesn't do that, then you have a FI problem.

MeaghanandMichael · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:574a7799-db6b-45fb-b112-eb20a35786ccPost:2c603234-da66-4ac2-9d9d-60d5a4d92328">Re: Family...</a>:
[QUOTE]No, that hasn't happened to me. <strong>But what should be happening now is that your FI should be getting on the phone with his parents (or whatever) to tell them that they are not to speak to his future wife or her family that way, and if they do so, they have a problem with him. And if he doesn't do that, then you have a FI problem.
</strong>Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

I bolded this so you can read it again and again. I am really truly sorry this is happening to you, but this needs to stop now before there is a life time of this kind of verbal violence.

NatesGirl16 · October 2010

Whaaa? That's insane. What does your FI say?

reddy123 · October 2010

Whoa.

tidetravel · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:574a7799-db6b-45fb-b112-eb20a35786ccPost:764040b2-cf93-4af1-9de5-1a515d17643c">Family...</a>:
[QUOTE]Has anyone else had their future mother in law's call you to tell you they hope you die in a hole? Has your future father in law called your own sister an evil, disgusting brat? Mine just did both! How do you cope?! I'm supposed to be going to a birthday party with my fiance (his niece's) and of course the parents will be there. Now I have my 9 year old sister crying and saying she's not going to my wedding!
Posted by mandynicholson[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if my ILs said anything close to that, they would no longer be my in-laws. DH wouldn't stand for that shiit, and your FI shouldn't either. My sister wouldn't have a problem going to the wedding because ILs wouldn't be invited.

Marrin713 · October 2010

Wow....can't add anything else except to reiterate that your fiance should be dealing with this.

J&K10910 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:574a7799-db6b-45fb-b112-eb20a35786ccPost:2c603234-da66-4ac2-9d9d-60d5a4d92328">Re: Family...</a>:
[QUOTE]No, that hasn't happened to me. But what should be happening now is that your FI should be getting on the phone with his parents (or whatever) to tell them that they are not to speak to his future wife or her family that way, and if they do so, they have a problem with him. And if he doesn't do that, then you have a FI problem.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Yes.

Nebb · October 2010

If your FI is fine with that and is even still willing to go to this party or having any communication with your IL's I would SERIOUSLY be reconsidering this relationship. That is F'd up.

J&K10910 · October 2010

May I ask what, exactly, inspired this conversation?

Nebb · October 2010

Also, how does your sister even know this? Did they say this to you or directly to your sister? When did this happen?

MeaghanandMichael · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:574a7799-db6b-45fb-b112-eb20a35786ccPost:9f08afe7-d82d-4b45-911e-b24e6b1e680a">Re: Family...</a>:
[QUOTE]If your FI is fine with that and is even still willing to go to this party or having any communication with your IL's I would SERIOUSLY be reconsidering this relationship. That is F'd up.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Although, it isn't really the neices fault the ILs are super ridiculous. I know I have suffered through a ton of stuff with crazy MIL there because we care about other people who are going.

tidetravel · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:574a7799-db6b-45fb-b112-eb20a35786ccPost:e219a5d2-8b97-4233-8384-09d1f5148fe7">Re: Family...</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, how does your sister even know this? Did they say this to you or directly to your sister? When did this happen?
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

I read it as FFIL said it directly to little sis. As in she was annoying him, and he said, "stop it, you little, disgusting brat." I could be wrong, though.

Nebb · October 2010

If that is the case tide, why is this only coming up NOW. OP's earlier post about going to this party sounded hunky dory, but now its a problem.

tidetravel · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:574a7799-db6b-45fb-b112-eb20a35786ccPost:ccbef3ad-5668-4f1d-89f4-4eb037534027">Re: Family...</a>:
[QUOTE]If that is the case tide, why is this only coming up NOW. OP's earlier post about going to this party sounded hunky dory, but now its a problem.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Ooooh. Riiiight.

OP, don't go to that party! Come back and answer our questions!

AdeleDazeem · October 2010

I think you have bigger problems than a wedding, a birthday party, and how you are supposed to "deal" with seeing the parents. I'd deal by cutting contact with them and, depending on his reaction, my fiance.

JennaV26 · October 2010

Wow. That's pretty horrible. I agree that your FI should be handling this. DH flipped out on one of his friends who said something mean to me last weekend, I can't imagine what he would say to his family if they did that, it would not be pretty though.

mocha beans · October 2010

Umm, yeah, that's pretty uncalled for. The few times that MIL has said anything unpleasant to me (nothing on par with that though), DH got on her case pretty quickly about it. If your FI is being nonchalant about it, I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship on the whole. It has to stop before it gets a chance to become a normal mode of behavior, or it's going to be a very long, miserable life for you.

LP11509 · October 2010

I just showed this to H, and he said to let him know if his mom ever did this and he would go beat her up.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · October 2010

OP, your in-laws are assholes. And your FI needs to stand up to them. They have no business talking to you or your sister that way.

[Deleted User] · October 2010

OP, are you ever coming back? I want answers to PP's questions.

If my ILs ever said that about me, I can guarantee H would either disown them or at the very least let them know that they are never to speak to me like that again. Your ILs suck and I really hope your FI is defending you. Otherwise, you definitely have an FI problem.

mocha beans · October 2010

Yeah, one time BIL said he thought I didn't look all that great, but I cooked really good. DH gave him the verbal beatdown on that one.

I wasn't terribly insulted, as BIL's taste in women is of the drugged up trailer park trash type, and I know I look better than them simply because I don't have track marks. His opinion on women is flawed.

Tread carefully if he doesn't stick up for you. Sure, they're his parents, but you're going to be his wife, he should have your back no matter who attacks you.

Nebb · October 2010

We found out my FIL was talking crap about me on FB - how I was this and that and it was my fault they had lost their son. My husband immediately called his dad to ask WTF he was thinking by doing that and he refused to apologize and just made excuses as to why it wasnt his fault. We didnt talk to my IL's for 7 months until his dad went out of his way to contact me and apologize.

THAT is what a husband does. Sticks up for his wife.

mandynicholson · October 2010

Alright ladies, I was reading all of these going down the road yesterday but my phone wouldn't let me post anything back. My sister is through and through sarcastic. The "disgusting little brat" was said directly to her on Facebook by my fiance's father. We went to his niece's birthday party in spite of all of this mess. His mother said that I'm not to be around his (my fiance's) family ever again, to which my fiance told her that she can "get the F out of his life and cut ties" with him. His dad came into and started his arguments of "she's the reason why we're not a family anymore" and "she and her family are just a bunch of kid hogging motherf****rs". Kid hogging is apparently having the heart to have biological children and then adopt more. That was news to me...I didn't know that prior to this. My future sister in law kicked them out and said if they set foot anywhere near the wedding she's having them arrested. She and her husband are giving us a discount on the hotel that they manage for the reception and her husband is our church pastor's son. Last night, at 2:30 in the morning, I got a lengthy text message of insults and then 20 minutes later...a (literally) hour + long apology. However, my fiance's pissed and basically woke up to say "screw you you're not coming. So you apologized to Amanda. Are you going to apologize to Saylor (my sister)? Probably not, so your apology doesn't count. You're still UNINVITED to the wedding"

Thanks for the support everyone...I've never had things blow up this way before!

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Your 9 year old sister has FB?

mocha beans · October 2010

Well, his parents seem like charming people. I wonder what the reason for all their animosity is.

Good for him for putting his foot down to such behavior. I would be removing them from your facebook, as well as your sister's (why are they there anyway?). I'd personally be uninviting them from my life if I was your FI, but that's not always as easily said as done.

Nebb · October 2010

Good for your FI and your FB/FSIL doing what they did. their parents sound like psychos.

AmeliaAndSeth8890 · October 2010

I'm glad your FI stood up for you and is sticking to his guns. Sorry you have all this animosity surrounding your wedding! They sound jealous and might feel bested by your family based on the comments you outlined. I'm glad this didn't carry on to their children.

And PS to OP - my family gets the same thing. There is a 15 year age difference between me (oldest) and my adopted sister (youngest, byfar.) And adoption is a beautiful thing. Both of my parents were adopted. They married and then had 3 biological children of their own and adopted my youngest sister 3 years ago. It doesn't make us weird or holier than thou, it was a decision that our family felt was best. People that say things to the contrary have some other underlying issues.

mandynicholson · October 2010

Yes, I said the same thing when she added me. But "it's closely monitored and mom has access to it 24/7" blah blah blah. And she uses it to keep in touch with people she's gone on trips with and met at camps. Whatever. I say that's what phones are for but...she's my sister, not my child so I have no control over that aspect. And oh my! Someone knows the miracle of adoption! I didn't think it was any different than biological kids, my parents love my adopted siblings as much as they love me and my biological siblings. This is gonna sound absolutely terrible but I'm glad they're out of my life. That's my entire platter of drama minus like 2%

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