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Bridesmaid drama

snuff9861snuff9861 member
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in Wedding Party

I have 3 bridesmaids and one MOH. The dresses need to be ordered in the next 3 weeks in order to ensure they arrive in time (about 16 weeks according to the bridal shop). 3/4 have been in to get measurements but none of them have ordered the dress yet. Whatever they have time. My issue is with one of the bridesmaids that has been in to get measured. She is complaining her dress is an extra 40 dollars because she is 6 feet tall. But then I see her everyday at school spending at least $10/meal everyday. She doesnt have a job. The kicker is SHE is the one that picked the dress (and it is the cheapest dress at the shop) and yes it sucks about the extra money but thats going to happen regardless of any dress they buy.

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Re: Bridesmaid drama

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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:908162da-94c0-4c8e-b160-9308d0f3d789Post:26dd2ea8-2bcf-41d0-b59e-883283b479d7">Bridesmaid drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have 3 bridesmaids and one MOH. The dresses need to be ordered in the next 3 weeks in order to ensure they arrive in time (about 16 weeks according to the bridal shop). 3/4 have been in to get measurements but none of them have ordered the dress yet. Whatever they have time. My issue is with one of the bridesmaids that has been in to get measured. <strong>She is complaining her dress is an extra 40 dollars because she is 6 feet tall. But then I see her everyday at school spending at least $10/meal everyday. She doesnt have a job.</strong> The kicker is SHE is the one that picked the dress (and it is the cheapest dress at the shop) and <strong>yes it sucks about the extra money but thats going to happen regardless of any dress they buy.
    </strong>Posted by snuff9861[/QUOTE]

    Okay, #1 - You have NO RIGHT AT ALL WHATSOEVER to judge how other people spend their money, or where their money comes from.  Personally, I'd be annoyed too if I had a budget for a BM dress, thought the dress chosen was in my budget, and then found out it was way more expensive than I'd previously thought.  $40 may not be a big deal for you, but it is for her.  Get over yourself and be kind about it, instead of judging her for what she does or doesn't do with her own personal funds.

    #2 - The extra charge is <em>not</em> inevitable - I have a tall bridesmaid (5'10") and she needed a longer dress than the other girls.  Do you know how much extra it cost?  $0.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Ordering the dress in "long" cost ZERO extra dollars.  So come off it.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    edited March 2012
    Is the dress with the extra $40 within the budget she gave you when you first asked?  If you didn't ask or it exceeds the budget, it's time to go back to the drawing board.  

    PP is right about extra length.  I'm 6'1 and have been a BM a number of times.  I've paid for extra length exactly 0 times.  

    You need to get over yourself judging her for how she gets and spends her money.  That's none of your business, and quite out of line.  
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    blgroutblgrout
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    You said that she picked out the dress, so maybe she's just a complainer.  If it's not about the dress, then it would be something else, KWIM? Some people complain just to hear themselves talk, which is kind of what this thread reminds me of, because it's honestly not that big of a deal since she's not past her deadline to order her dress or anything.

    And, as PP pointed out, it's not up to you to judge how another adult spends their money.
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    ccarrion77ccarrion77
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    Agreed that you can't judge how SHE choose to spend her money.  But this is simple if she doesn't get the dress she not in the wedding.  I have a cousin who had a BM cancel on her at the last second so the Best man stood up with the groom so the rest still came down paired.
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    snuff9861snuff9861 member
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    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:908162da-94c0-4c8e-b160-9308d0f3d789Post:cb1651b1-5a5e-4d08-88b4-58839c43886c">Re: Bridesmaid drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid drama : Okay, #1 -<strong> You have NO RIGHT AT ALL WHATSOEVER to judge how other people spend their money, or where their money comes from</strong>.  Personally, I'd be annoyed too if I had a budget for a BM dress, thought the dress chosen was in my budget, and then found out it was way more expensive than I'd previously thought.  $40 may not be a big deal for you, but it is for her.  <strong>Get over yourself and be kind about it,</strong> instead of judging her for what she does or doesn't do with her own personal funds. #2 - <strong>The extra charge is not inevitable - I have a tall bridesmaid (5'10") and she needed a longer dress than the other girls.  Do you know how much extra it cost?  $0.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Ordering the dress in "long" cost ZERO extra dollars.  So come off it.
    </strong>Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    1)I didn't mean to come off judging her. I simply meant that if she's complaining about not having any money to me all the time then why spend so much on something that can easily be taken out of the equation.

    2) The shop they chose to order through only carries a certain designer and that designer charges extra for added length. I offered to find alternatives, another dress but she won't listen to me. I havent brought it up for a couple of weeks, as they do still have time, but with 3 weeks til the deadline I am starting to stress just a little.
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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:908162da-94c0-4c8e-b160-9308d0f3d789Post:15078334-df6b-4cab-8526-87acc42b56b3">Re: Bridesmaid drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid drama : 1)I didn't mean to come off judging her. I simply meant that if she's complaining about not having any money to me all the time <strong>then why spend so much on something that can easily be taken out of the equation.</strong> 2) The shop they chose to order through only carries a certain designer and that designer charges extra for added length. I offered to find alternatives, another dress but she won't listen to me. I havent brought it up for a couple of weeks, as they do still have time, but <strong>with 3 weeks til the deadline</strong> I am starting to stress just a little.
    Posted by snuff9861[/QUOTE]

    <div>1) Genius, you're <em>still</em> judging what she does with her money.  You have no right to decide for another adult what can or can't "easily be taken out of the equation" when it comes to their personal budget.  What she spends her money on is NONE.  OF.  YOUR.  BUSINESS.  That's all there is to it.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, not for nothing, who are you to decide that a dress for <em>your</em> wedding takes precedence over <em>what the poor girl has for lunch?</em>  Seriously.  You're trying to tell me that a bridesmaid dress is a more "crucial" expenditure than lunch.  I cannot even wrap my head around the logic that has brought you to the conclusion that a dress trumps food.</div><div>
    </div><div>2) Your bridesmaids are grown adults and they have three weeks to accomplish a task.  Back the fluck off and let them take care of their own business.  I can tell you right now I'd be pretty ticked off at my friend if she felt the need to harangue me about something <em>that I still had three whole weeks to do</em>.  Ordering a dress is not rocket science, and your bridesmaids are not children.   </div>
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    snuff9861snuff9861 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:908162da-94c0-4c8e-b160-9308d0f3d789Post:c6641af7-8a58-4571-9b40-3881682f013d">Re: Bridesmaid drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]You said that she picked out the dress, so maybe she's just a complainer.  If it's not about the dress, then it would be something else,<strong> KWIM</strong>? Some people complain just to hear themselves talk, which is kind of what this thread reminds me of, because it's honestly not that big of a deal since she's not past her deadline to order her dress or anything. And, as PP pointed out, it's not up to you to judge how another adult spends their money.
    Posted by blgrout[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>What does this mean? I see it all the time! I assume it's ____ What I Mean?</div>
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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
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    KWIM = "Know What I Mean?"
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    TheFutureMrsFrecklesTheFutureMrsFreckles
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    Just to play devils' advocate...
    It's never anyone's place to judge how another spends their $$...but hasn't everyone known the friend who needs to be hounded a little to get things done? Maybe 3 weeks in advance?! The friend who never has $ for the bigger things but always has her daily Starbucks, and then complains about lack of $?
    I think perhaps this BM is just like that; Maybe this is not the first time she's been short for $ for a commitment, and thus it's frustrating for this bride to watch her not prepare. Is it her place to judge? Absolutely not. Would it be frustrating if this isn;t the first time? Absolutely! 
    I would imagine, and hope, that Snuff9861 has the sense not to  confront her BM and mention her expensive meals; We're never going to meet this gal, it was a small comment in a bigger rant. 
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    snuff9861snuff9861 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-drama-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:908162da-94c0-4c8e-b160-9308d0f3d789Post:2c6641b0-e9e4-4116-b2e5-4991571bc5f0">Re: Bridesmaid drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just to play devils' advocate... It's never anyone's place to judge how another spends their $$...but hasn't everyone known the friend who needs to be hounded a little to get things done? Maybe 3 weeks in advance?! The friend who never has $ for the bigger things but always has her daily Starbucks, and then complains about lack of $? I think perhaps this BM is just like that; Maybe this is not the first time she's been short for $ for a commitment, and thus it's frustrating for this bride to watch her not prepare. Is it her place to judge? Absolutely not. Would it be frustrating if this isn;t the first time? Absolutely!  I would imagine, and hope, t<strong>hat Snuff9861 has the sense not to  confront her BM </strong>and mention her expensive meals; We're never going to meet this gal, it was a small comment in a bigger rant. 
    Posted by TheFutureMrsFreckles[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>No I would never say anything to her, that's just plain rude. Like you said I am just frustrated about her complaining she never has money for anything, like gas, cell phone bill etc yet I see her, IMO, wasting money. Yes I know it's not my place to judge how another adult spends their money, but as you pointed out this is common for her. I havent mentioned anything about the dress to any of the BMs in about a month. Thank you all for your comments. I will wait to see how this plays out. And if she doesnt order the dress then that's her decision/

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