When to choose a date?

KittyW11 · April 2010

My FI and I are having a hard time agreeing on when is "too soon" vs. "too late" to choose our wedding date. We're looking anywhere from 12-18 months from now... I was told by my priest that we need to book the church at LEAST a year in advance, and I know that the FILs are out of town on business almost constantly and would appreciate the extra notice... But I can't get FI to sit down and tell me, spring, summer, or fall!!! It's hurting my feelings. He reassures me that he loves me and wants to marry me, BUT he says I'm "worrying about it too soon." We've been engaged for 5 months now and have done absolutely NOTHING. When do we start?!

pavingtheroad · April 2010

Id suggest doing some research on your own and kind of telling fi when the wedding will happen, if he has any objections he will tell you. I basically set our wedding date and told fi and he was fine with it

felicia220 · April 2010

We knew already that we wanted a summer wedding because we wanted to get married on the beach. But as for picking a actually date, we had to see what the venue had available, we booked a year out and there were only two weekends available in June. Did you guys ever talk about what your wedding would be like before you got engaged?

megk8oz · April 2010

If he really doesn't even care what season the wedding is in, then I agree with PP, just do your own research, and if you come to him with a venue and a month and he has an issue with it, find out what said issue is and work with him from there.

I was engaged for a year and 4 months before we set a date. Oops!

Basically, we had to pay for the whole wedding ourselves, and we experienced a few financial set backs, and we refused to set a date until we knew we could, without a doubt, have everything paid for. We both also refused to do any other planning until we had a date, because we didn't want to keep getting all built up just to have to push it back again.

Minimax052910 · April 2010

Don't take it personal that he doesn't care when. He asked you to marry him, he wants to be married to you. Don't worry about small details like that.

Figure out your budget first. When is it considered "financially" stable for you or whoever's paying for the wedding? Go with that first.

You should also talk to your FI's parents and your parents and see if there's dates that would not work.

Do you have a preference on when to honeymoon? July is considered "hurricane" season for the Caribbeans...if you want to go to the Caribbeans, maybe you should plan Fall or Spring instead. Do you have allergies in Springtime and get sick a lot? Then maybe Fall is the best route for you.

How I came up with my own date? We knew we didn't want to wait that long but I didn't want to rush and not have the things I wanted, such as my dream dress...some dresses are actually custom made and takes a while (my dress took 7 months). My parents were paying for the wedding and they were financially ready (grateful). I also have early spring allergies which usually subside after April. I also have tons of family from out of states (we invited guests from 15 states) so we picked "holiday" weekend, Memorial day so they could make it without having to miss their workday. That's how we decided on May 29th.

Consider all options. You will figure it out!

Audrey&Austin · April 2010

Most men aren't going to enjoy the planning process as us brides (I guess that's one reason these boards are always filled with people!). If he really has no idea when he wants it to be, then do some research and figure out what time of year you would like it in.

After you pick a general time of year, possibly the month you would like, sit down with each other and figure out your budget. This might be tough, but you have to be able to sit down and talk about money. People don't like to talk about money, its uncomfortable for a lot of people, but you have to be willing to talk about it. Once you know your budget, look at what you want and what you think you need for the wedding. If you realize the budget you have now is going to mean you put off the wedding for six months more, then decide to cut things out of your dream wedding or push it back.

If you already know you're going to have to wait 12-18 months, relax. Enjoy being engaged. Talk with the ladies on this board and get ideas. Once you set the date, time flies by!

Huskerfanz · April 2010

Is there anything else to plan around? For example, fall was out for us because it was football season. Summer was out because it was too much "wedding season" so things (HM, vendors, etc) were more expensive. Winter was out because it is too cold here and we aren't big snow people. That left us with spring. I've always been a fan of May so once we started looking at locations, their availability helped set the actual date.

LoveBugBaby · April 2010

Just pick a date you like and suggest it to him. If he really won't talk it over with you, maybe you need to wait longer until he's ready to commit to a date. Sounds like he isn't ready to set one, or he's just hoping you'll figure that part out! I say pick a date on your own, ask him what he thinks, and go from there! It really doesn't HAVE to be a joint decision, guys usually don't care much anyway!

FI picked ours so that was an easy one for us! He said 10/2/10 and it flows nicely so we went with it! None of the 2010 September dates felt right when we would say them out loud, weird I know...

StephB1185 · May 2010

Huskerfanz - that's the exact reason I didn't want a fall wedding too! :-) And if it had been in the fall, we would have had to do a reception at a bar so everyone could watch the game! :-) Go 'skers! (and FI isn't a husker fan, so it could have been a pretty funny thing.).. he even cringed when I said I'll probably wear a huskers garter!

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Hell, I barely cared when our wedding was. We mainly wanted to do the wedding when it would be cheapest at our original venue; when we switched venues, we had grown a bit attached to the date, so we kept it even though it was a bit more expensive.

NicoleJay312 · May 2010

We chose our date the night we got engaged. We went with a date 20 months away. Our thoughts went something like this:

June-October is hurricane season in FL so that was out. Nov-Jan is holiday season so that was out. April and May the weather can start to get hot and unpredictable so we excluded them. Feb had Valentines so we went with March. Its one of the most popular months is SoFL so we opted for the extra year. Also we were paying for ourselves so we needed the extra time.

Albireo · May 2010

We picked a date based on when our reception venue was available. :P We knew we wanted the wedding to be this year, but July would be too soon (and too hot) and we didn't want it to be in the winter. We narrowed it down to Sept-Nov, and the venue we wanted had October 16th open. So there we are.

Keep in mind that many wedding venues have an 'off season' where rentals are cheaper than during the rest of the year. One place I looked at had much lower rates for November-February weddings. The place I ended up with was actually more expensive in Nov-Jan because it's an indoor restaurant and they host other kinds of parties (e.g. Christmas, New Year's).

tommyandy · May 2010

Set a budget & find out if you & FI are paying for it or if family is going to contribute. Are they going to contribute a set dollar amount or pay for specific things like the RD or flowers? Do not put yourself in debt to hold a wedding!

Once you have a budget, set a loose number for your guest list. We wanted a small, intimate wedding so we set our number at 60 with the possibility of going up to a max of 75. If you want a medium sized wedding, keep the guest list under 150.

Sit down with a calendar & eliminate the NO months - which months these are vary from couple to couple. Ask FI which of the months left he prefers of the ones that are left.

I live in Florida, so June , July, & August are out. Our winter is in Jan & Feb, so those months are out. There is to much going on money wise in Dec, so that month is out, etc. We ended up with Nov as our first pick & March as our back up. When we looked at venues we checked what they had available in those months & what different days of the week & times of day cost.

One venue had a $2,000.00 up charge to go from a 1 p.m. wedding to a 6 p.m. wedding on the same day. HTH

tommyandy · May 2010

Something else that may help with the stress of the whole planning thing:

Narrow what you like down to 3 or 4 choices & ask FI to choose from them. Or, if he has a hard time saying 'I like that one', ask him for the No Way picks. Some people find it easier to pick out what they don't like than what they do like.

For example, I asked my FI what he wanted the wedding color to be. No clue. Well, give me a basic color. He picked purple, so I went to David's Bridal & bought color swatches of the purples I liked & he picked the one he liked from those.

I look better in white than ivory & I really don't like yellow gold. Our wedding colors are white with silver & eggplant (lapis) accents. The flowers will be a mix of purples & white.

This way of choosing colors has worked well in the repainting of our house as well as the purchasing of big ticket items like the couch. HTH :-)

KittyW11 · May 2010

Thank you all so much for the help. You really lowered my stress level!!! I don't want to turn into a zilla, I just want FI to participate in the experience. He made a big deal about "enjoying being engaged," but I suspect he really meant "enjoying not planning for a while, until everyone forgets/doesn't care anymore!"

Minimax, your first paragraph really put things in perspective for me, and I greatly appreciate it. He asked me to marry him, and that hasn't changed. The thing I love about him (he's sooo laid back, and let's me do whatever I want), is also what I hate most about him (he never has an opinion!) But it isn't that he doesn't care, he just wants me to pick everything so that I'm happy. He spoils me in that way, and I need to remember that.

When to choose a date?

Re: When to choose a date?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards