Thoughts About Promise Rings?

Lovinglifefinally · October 2010

Hi, I'm new on here... I am 35 years old, have a four year old son and have been officially divorced for 2 years. I actually used the knot in my first wedding, very helpful site! I have a question for everyone please. I have been dating my boyfriend for exactly 1 year yesterday. He is such a wonderful man to me and my son. I swear I was meant to be divorced because my I was not with my soulmate. I actually knew on my wedding day that I did not want to marry the man I married but I had been with him since I was 14 that everyone insisted it was just nerves... needless to say, I am finally happy in my life in all aspects! My BF and I talk about getting married, having children etc ALL the time. It's just a matter of when. He has never been married, does not have children and takes our relationship very seriously and truly loves us. Yesterday was our one year anniversary and he got me a diamond, past, present and future ring and said it symbolizes he is promised to me forever and that he truly wants to marry me and be with me for eternity. He is sensitive to my fears of divorce again and all that I went thru (it was a horrible, abusive (mentally, not physically) divorce) and I will never marry again unless I know for 1000% there will not be a divorce in the end. I believe he is the one with all my heart but since it's only been a year, we both feel it's too soon to just get engaged and married, however, we have time against us in the fact we both want to have another child. So with all this said, I now have a "promise ring" but I don't know which hand or finger to wear it on? Some sites say its supposed to be on your left hand and then is replaced by the engagement ring but others say you leave it on your right hand to keep your left hand open for the engagement ring. I don't want to take away the engagement part and have people think we are engaged right now, we've just promised each other we will be and actually decided by this time next year. What are your thoughts, should I be wearing it on my right or left hand ring finger? I also read some blogs on here that people said promise rings are for kids and are immature etc. Well when you've been married and divorced and you have a child to think about as well, I am very happy to have a promise ring, I think it's a huge step for both of us and I feel much more confident in our future and where we are heading in life and am glad he gave me this rather than an engagement ring right now as well as nothing at all. So.... thoughts on all this? Thanks!

SeaTea02 · October 2010

Hum, well I have a promise ring and wore it on my left hand for a very long time. It looks nothing like an engagement ring and was probably only confused for one twice and once they got a closer look realized it couldn't be (it is a bypass ring that couldn't really have a band fit with it)

About a year ago I had this ring resized. I realized that isn't the finger it belongs on and I now wear it on my middle finger. This partially "frees up the finger" but it was also a pretty big realization that it just didn't need to be there.

If I were you, I would not wear it on my left ring finger. I would wear it on my right ring finger or right/left middle finger.

There is nothing wrong, IMO, with getting a beautiful symbolic piece of jewelry that indicates a promise, I just wouldn't wear it on a finger reserved for the symbol that ACTUALLY makes the promise to marry you.

AudgiePodge · October 2010

I agree with SeaTea. I wouldn't wear it on my left ring finger.

orangecrush32 · October 2010

definitely wear it on your right ring finger. many times i've seen people confuse my friend's promise ring for an engagement ring, even if it's not even close to what an engagement ring looks like. the left ring finger is for the engagement ring/wedding ring and nothing else IMO.

KD+BC · October 2010

A friend of mine was given a promise ring for her birthday last year and she wore it on her left ring finger. She got the major side eye from a lot of people. Basically they thought she was trying to pretend she was engaged. She now wears it on her right hand.

loopy82 · October 2010

I have a ring that DH gave me for my birthday - which was about 6 months after we started dating. It only fit on a ring finger, at first I didn't know what hand to wear it on. I put it on my right hand for a little while, when I first put it on my left hand he kinda freaked out, so I put it back on my right. I really don't remember when or why I started wearing it on my left hand. He was fine with it. When I was getting impatient waiting to get engaged I made comments about wearing it on my right hand again and he said that would mean I am single. I say maybe ask BF where he would like you to wear the ring.

*the ring I have is a pink sapphire, so rarely did people think it was an engagement ring. considering I had it for 3 years before we were enagaged, only a few times did someone ask if I was engaged/married.

viloiakaclb · October 2010

I've had my promise ring for about a year (BF and I together for 3.5 years) and I've always worn it on my left ring finger. IMO that finger is there for any ring of any purpose he wants to give me. I feel if I wear it on my right hand I'm belittling the gesture. It doesn't matter what others think about the ring because it's what it means to you. At this point you and BF know that it's "just a promise ring" but it also means "I'm promised to someone" and what better place to display that message than on that beautiful left hand

Lovinglifefinally · October 2010

Thank you to all of you for your thoughts and support and suggestions! I really appreciate your time and responses!

berkleighsmom · October 2010

My fiance (boyfriend at the time) gave me a promise ring after dating for 6 months. It is also a diamond ring. I wore it on my right hand for the same reason that you stated-not to confuse others into thinking we were engaged. (people were still confused-learn your right and left! LOL)

Once he proposes you will have your engagement ring and your promise ring to wear. I think right hand rings are beautiful. My sister's husband gave her a right hand ring for their anniversary one year.

deburnin · October 2010

I have a claddagh kiss ring from BF and I wear it on my right hand. If it were on my left it would technically mean I was married, which is obviously false.

noelle24 · October 2010

A diamond ring on the left hand ring finger will be assumed to be an engagement ring by everybody. I predict a lot of side-eyes if you choose to wear it on that hand. You'll be explaining *a lot* about how it's a promise ring, and then you'll be explaining *a lot* about why a 39 year old woman has a promise ring. Frankly, wearing it on your left hand would make me think that you are pretending to be engaged or trying to rush your relationship along.

Save yourself a lot of hassle and just wear it on your right hand.

loves2shop4shoes · October 2010

Sorry for random thought, but there's a girl I go to law school with who has a diamond ring that she wore on her left ring finger. When I first met her I said, "Oh, you're engaged too?"

She was like, "No, I bought this ring for myself and figured wearing a diamond ring would make me appear less available, and more desirable to guys."

Don't be that girl. Rings that are NOT engagement rings, especially those containing diamonds, should NOT be worn on the left ring finger.

Wrkn925 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-promise-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9962fc09-0f94-4e82-954c-764e984f360cPost:8d6ce319-f72d-45f0-ad1a-b47ebf653c83">Re: Thoughts About Promise Rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry for random thought, but there's a girl I go to law school with who has a diamond ring that she wore on her left ring finger. When I first met her I said, "Oh, you're engaged too?" She was like, "No, I bought this ring for myself and figured wearing a diamond ring would make me appear less available, and more desirable to guys." Don't be that girl. Rings that are NOT engagement rings, especially those containing diamonds, should NOT be worn on the left ring finger.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

Yeah, she's gonna attract a real winner.

bethsmiles · October 2010

I would wear it on my left hand just to avoid the hassle of having it mistaken as an engagement ring. But it really doesn't matter. Do whatever you are comfortable with

SeaTea02 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-promise-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9962fc09-0f94-4e82-954c-764e984f360cPost:1824193d-cd9c-46dc-a98d-bc66ee32fef5">Re: Thoughts About Promise Rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would wear it on my left hand just to avoid the hassle of having it mistaken as an engagement ring. But it really doesn't matter. Do whatever you are comfortable with :)
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

You mean right :)

bethsmiles · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-promise-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9962fc09-0f94-4e82-954c-764e984f360cPost:59a659b2-e5b5-438d-9a12-9aeb9d03bf74">Re: Thoughts About Promise Rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts About Promise Rings? : You mean right :)
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

haha...yeah. typing fail on my part. I just wasn't thinking.

Beads921 · October 2010

I have worn a promise ring on my left ring finger for almost 2 years. I would say that, on average, I get asked if I'm engaged once a month. I just say no. I do not offer an explanation anymore, because really, it's no one's business, and I just got sick of it. It doesn't really look like an engagement ring to me, but people ask anyway. I'd probably switch fingers, but it doesn't fit any other fingers and I can't be bothered to get it resized.

I guess if you want to avoid questions, wear it on a finger that is not your left ring finger. My choice would be the right ring finger, but really it's up to you. If you wear other rings, that might influence your choice too (what it goes with, what fingers are available, etc).

deburnin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_thoughts-promise-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9962fc09-0f94-4e82-954c-764e984f360cPost:8d6ce319-f72d-45f0-ad1a-b47ebf653c83">Re: Thoughts About Promise Rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry for random thought, but there's a girl I go to law school with who has a diamond ring that she wore on her left ring finger. When I first met her I said, "Oh, you're engaged too?" She was like, "No, I bought this ring for myself and figured wearing a diamond ring would make me appear less available, and <strong>more desirable </strong>to guys." Don't be that girl. Rings that are NOT engagement rings, especially those containing diamonds, should NOT be worn on the left ring finger.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

<div>Uh... yeah by skeevy guys. I know women who do this, usually with fake rings, to <em>avoid</em> being hit on. They work in either bars or restaurants and it's easier to just point to the ring and say sorry.</div>

bakes218 · October 2010

IMO I would not have wanted a ring from my FI unless it was an engagement ring. To me, having a promise rings takes a little bit away from when he actually gives you the engagement ring.

nbcarlson · October 2010

I had a promise ring, and I did wear it on my ring finger but mine was a very simple ring with an amethyst in it so it was not mistanken as an engagement ring. But I did ask a gal at my work if she was engaged because she was wearing a diamond ring on her ring finger, she wasn't and it was a bit of an akward situation haha.

desertsun · October 2010

I agree with bakes -- a promise ring was not for me.

But if it makes you guys happy, OP, then you go right ahead and wear it on your RIGHT hand.

zipis1 · November 2010

I vote for wearing it on your right hand too. Not only because it will help to avoid the annoying questions (friends of mine who had their promise rings on their left hand, including those with non-diamonds, eventually all swtiched to the right hand because they were sick of the questions and side-eye), but because there really is a very, very fine line between promise ring and engaged. They're both a promise to marry you (but one is a promise to promise to marry you) so you may want some differentiation later down the line. Or at least I would, and that's part of why promise rings aren't for me.

So yes. My vote is for the right hand.

Simply Fated · November 2010

I think you're overthinking it. It's just a ring, hun. Honestly, wear it on what ever finger it fits, even if it's your left ring finger. Enjoy the jewelry without stressing over it lol.

PaigeMcC · November 2010

I don't like promise rings. They're a symbol of a commitment that you're going to make another commitment...at some point in the future. IMHO I think they're silly. But if you want one - have one.

HeartOverMind · November 2010

I agree with Paige and Bakes.

BF and I think promise rings are pointless, because as Paige said they are just a symbol of a promise that you are going to make another promise in the future...IDK.

Sosteadilygo · November 2010

I have a promise ring that I wear on my right hand. My boyfriend got it for me after 3 months of dating, and he also wears a ring on his left middle finger. We have been together for 2 1/2 years now, and I think it's a really cute symbol of us being serious with each other. I always love being able to look down at it and just smile and know that before we are engaged he wanted to show his commitment to me. :0)

Simply Fated · November 2010

They remind me of high school boys giving their girlfriends their pin or their patch as a sign they're going steady. So 1950's lol. That's cute in high school, but after high school, I think you should either be engaged... or not. Why, when you're older, do you need valuable, tangible proof that he is committed, but only kind-of committed?
You shouldn't need a piece of jewelry as proof he wants to commit, anyway.
Besides which, I just feel they are redundant.

BreeB89 · November 2010

i wear mine on my left ring finger, cant wear it on my right because i use that hand too much (i work in dental), it just feels awkward on my right. i have also never been asked if its an engagement ring (and i have worn it for almost 6 years!) which is funny because it is technically an engagement ring - just not to us.

wear it where you feel comfortable!

ndelgaizo · November 2010

My BF gave me a promise ring for our 5yr anniversary. We're waiting to get engaged until I finish my Masters and he, his Bachelors. We still have about 2years left, but I know (as does he) that the ring is meant to symbolize his wish to marry me in the future. For that reason I wear mine on my left ring finger. Now my promise ring is 6 1/2 carat diamonds so it does look like an engagment ring, but whenever someone asks I give a short explanation, although I've only had 1 person ask-and that was my mother (who was very relieved that it was a promise..I don't think she could handle me graduating and getting married at the same time) I've found some people look at it but in general very few actually ask. If you and your guy feel that this is a serious relationship and wish to mark that (be it a ring or anything else) you should show it anyway you two see fit. ^_^

Simply Fated · November 2010

But why not get engaged and have a long engagement? What's the difference between promising to get married... and promising to get married?

wintek10 · November 2010

Personally, I don't like promise rings. I don't think they serve a real purpose (as other posters have states, its a promise to a future promise?). And I am pretty traditional and think that the only ring that goes on my left ring finger should be my engagement ring and wedding band.

But with that being said, it is your relationship, and if a promise ring makes you happy, then get one!

I got this link when I did a search on Miss Manners and Promise Rings (Ha!).

http://www.elegantwoman.org/promise-ring-etiquette.html

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