MOH drama

MeganBM · May 2011

The other night I was talking to my sister who is also my MOH about the salon that I was having my hair trial the next day with. They were coming on site to do our hair (and the bridesmaids- if they chose to have it done- which is completely optional) She asked what the price was and said it was too much, and I should look into other salons. I had looked high and low for salons that come onsite to do our hair- I am paying for our hotel room for all the girls and we would all have mimosas and get our hair and makeup done in the am. ( that was the plan).
My sister then said she wasnt going to pay that kind of money to get her hair done- fine. I said or I can pay for some of the cost if she wnted as a gift. She then went off and said well my friend is paying for her girls to get their hair and make-up done, their shoes, a clutch and a necklace. Totally making me feel guilty.
I have been trying to search for gifts for these girls for the entire engagement and I wanted it to be special ( not for the wedding type gift). I dont have that kind of money to pay to get all of their makeup and hair done- it is an option for them to begin with. I am not requiring them to get it done.
I made a few phone calls and was able to get a salon to do our hair for half the cost but we would have to go there. The make up artist will be allowed to come and do our make up ( thank god) Again- I am changing my plans for my MOH. I did not want to go anywhere that morning to begin with, but since it sounded like she wanted her hair done I felt bad and changed the salon. I feel bad I couldnt afford to pay for them to get their hair done at the hotel.

I am still trying to come up with what to give the girls, but now with the cheaper price for the hair, I am thinking of paying for their hair as a part of their gift. I feel like my sister has high expectations that I cant meet. I dont know what to do?! a gift for them is only supposed to be" equivalent to a birthday gift!" and not for the wedding.
If I do decide to pay for their hair then do i need to let them know ahead of time to think about how they would like it? how do I tell them?

Thoughts on this whole issue? I know this is long

MeganBM · May 2011

- and I cancelled the original salon for the new one btw.

PinkGold&Roses · May 2011

Your sister does have very high expectations. I think it is great if brides can pay for your BM's hair, but honestly, if you can't afford it, she needs to understand. You already have done a lot by switching to another salon. You could pay for part of their hair, and just give them a smaller gift, which would still be really nice. But your sister just needs to understand that you have a lot of expenses already with the wedding. Can you confide in your mom with this? I'm not saying "run to mommy", but if you can tell her how you feel maybe she can back you up.

mbcdefg · May 2011

I said or I can pay for some of the cost if she wnted as a gift. She then went off and said well my friend is paying for her girls to get their hair and make-up done, their shoes, a clutch and a necklace. Totally making me feel guilty.
I have been trying to search for gifts for these girls for the entire engagement and I wanted it to be special ( not for the wedding type gift). I dont have that kind of money to pay to get all of their makeup and hair done- it is an option for them to begin with. I am not requiring them to get it done.

Your sister is being greedy. Tell her exactly what you said at the end of this paragraph.

It's up to you if you want to offer her money for her hairstyling in lieu of a purchased bridesmaid gift. Otherwise, just say that you don't have the budget to treat her to a hairstyle, and therefore she's welcome to find her own salon or do her own hair.

jd954 · May 2011

I would ask the other BM's if they would like to get their hair done or if they feel comfortable doing it on their own-and then go from there. I was in a wedding last year that the bride made all the BMs appointments at a hair salon and then emailed us all a time with the price at the last minute. She never mentioned it to any of us prior, and none of us ended up doing it. We all flew into town for the wedding (and we were all in college or grad school) and after flights, hotels, gifts, and bm attire- we hadn't budgeted for another expense. It made us feel bad (and actually the bride was mad about it)...

Point is- you aren't requiring anyone to get their hair done- and your sister shouldn't expect you to pay for it. But now that you have changed the salon, I would let the BMs know that if they would like to accompany you to the hair salon, you will pay for their hair as a gift. If no one opts to go with you, I would reschedule with your original salon though and have your hair done on site like your originally wanted.

MeganBM · May 2011

Pinkgold- I have tried talking to my mom about it- and she said well, you know, thse girls are paying alot for your bridal shower ans bachelorette?! No back up from my mom what soever. I think I will re schedule with my original salon, and tell the girls if they want - this is how much it wil be ( they have 3 1/2 months to save $70.00... my sister got her 3 1/2 month old bf a 300.00 birthday gift...yeah?!)
its ust the guilt i feel. My sister has never been in a wedding before, and neither have 3 others of the 5 bridesmaids that I have.
not to sound like a Bitch- but its my day, if they dont want to pay 70.00 for their hair- then fine.
Im going to do a 50.00 gift certif to their favorite clothing store, a pair of errings/ necklace, and a lotion shower gel perfume set from bath and body works as their gifts. good enough?

PinkGold&Roses · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-drama-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1cf869a4-b9ba-4c6f-a331-e7495571ccbcPost:fccc54b2-7dd6-4a45-9a04-8b28f7989f4d">Re: MOH drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Pinkgold- I have tried talking to my mom about it- and she said well, you know, thse girls are paying alot for your bridal shower ans bachelorette?! No back up from my mom what soever. I think I will re schedule with my original salon, and tell the girls if they want - this is how much it wil be ( they have 3 1/2 months to save $70.00... my sister got her 3 1/2 month old bf a 300.00 birthday gift...yeah?!) its ust the guilt i feel. My sister has never been in a wedding before, and neither have 3 others of the 5 bridesmaids that I have. not to sound like a Bitch- but its my day, if they dont want to pay 70.00 for their hair- then fine. Im going to do a 50.00 gift certif to their favorite clothing store, a pair of errings/ necklace, and a lotion shower gel perfume set from bath and body works as their gifts. good enough?
Posted by MeganBM[/QUOTE]

Yeah definitely! I feel bad too..but don't let them make you feel guilty. I have 8 BM's (including my MOH) and its just too expensive to buy a ton of gifts!

peanutkls · May 2011

It's ur wedding not Hers only you get to decide what happens. Only I got my hair done for my wedding and the girls helped eachother with hair and makeup heck even I the bride did hair and makeup for them. They all looked great and they didn't need to pay for someone to do it. They also understood my situation ( because they are my friends ) and why I couldn't pay for them to get it done.

LoveMuffins · May 2011

Heck, just the gift you're getting them is way more than i'm able to get for my BMs. Friendship should not have a price tag on it. Don't go to your mom for advice on money issues, apparnetly she's where your sister got HER views from. If your mom thinks that the BMs shouldn't have to spend money on OPTIONAL things then SHE can pay for it.

Good luck!

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