Conflicting family wedding dates???

josh43ca · February 2010

Need some advice here. My fiance and I got engaged in november and wedding is suppose to be beginning of august. A member of my family just got engaged a few weeks ago and they are getting married end of june (roughly 5 weeks before us). I didn't think there was a problem with this until I informed me fiance. She is not taking this well and she wants to get married first. She beleives this is a selfish act by my family member and their fiance (note: they have been dating for several years and have 2 kids). I am standing my ground saying this is not a big deal but she says either they need to change their wedding date to after ours, we move our wedding date up to the beginning of june or we keep our august date but have 2 best men and maids of honor because she feels as though my family member has backstabbed us. I should also say that the weddings will be in 2 different cities. Any suggestions? Am I missing something here? This is tearing apart our relationship.

betrothed123 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_conflicting-family-wedding-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:52489009-f05f-4e13-89da-7d23f44cd651Post:a9287549-7f08-4863-b321-df1a348140a8">Conflicting family wedding dates???</a>:
[QUOTE]Need some advice here. My fiance and I got engaged in november and wedding is suppose to be beginning of august. A member of my family just got engaged a few weeks ago and they are getting married end of june (roughly 5 weeks before us). I didn't think there was a problem with this until I informed me fiance. She is not taking this well and she wants to get married first. She beleives this is a selfish act by my family member and their fiance (note: they have been dating for several years and have 2 kids). I am standing my ground saying this is not a big deal but she says either they need to change their wedding date to after ours, we move our wedding date up to the beginning of june or we keep our august date but have 2 best men and maids of honor because she feels as though my family member has backstabbed us. Any suggestions? Am I missing something here? This is tearing apart our relationship.
Posted by josh43ca[/QUOTE]
Your FI sounds like a real treat. She's exhibiting some serious bridezilla tendencies. Send her here. We will set her straight on the matter.

brookelynpaisley · February 2010

She's being horribly ridiculous, and it honestly sounds like you've got a bridezilla on your hands. Tell her to take a chill pill. Your family member isn't getting married to one-up you, she's getting married because she wants to, same as you. Getting engaged first doesn't mean getting married first. If it's that important to her to be married first, then you guys need to change your date - but she's going to look even more immature moving her date up just to "win."

Brie2010 · February 2010

Your fiance is being a nutso bridezilla. She is overreacting in the extreme. Run while you still can.

ohwhynot · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_conflicting-family-wedding-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52489009-f05f-4e13-89da-7d23f44cd651Post:a9287549-7f08-4863-b321-df1a348140a8">Conflicting family wedding dates???</a>:
[QUOTE]Need some advice here. My fiance and I got engaged in november and wedding is suppose to be beginning of august. A member of my family just got engaged a few weeks ago and they are getting married end of june (roughly 5 weeks before us). I didn't think there was a problem with this until I informed me fiance. She is not taking this well and she wants to get married first. She beleives this is a selfish act by my family member and their fiance (note: they have been dating for several years and have 2 kids). I am standing my ground saying this is not a big deal but she says either they need to change their wedding date to after ours, we move our wedding date up to the beginning of june or <strong>we keep our august date but have 2 best men and maids of honor because she feels as though my family member has backstabbed us</strong>. I should also say that the weddings will be in 2 different cities. Any suggestions? Am I missing something here? This is tearing apart our relationship.
Posted by josh43ca[/QUOTE]

Please explain the logic behind the bolded portion. I have no idea how that makes any sense.

beatlesgirl25 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_conflicting-family-wedding-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52489009-f05f-4e13-89da-7d23f44cd651Post:a9287549-7f08-4863-b321-df1a348140a8">Conflicting family wedding dates???</a>:
[QUOTE]Need some advice here. My fiance and I got engaged in november and wedding is suppose to be beginning of august. A member of my family just got engaged a few weeks ago and they are getting married end of june (roughly 5 weeks before us). I didn't think there was a problem with this until I informed me fiance. She is not taking this well and she wants to get married first. She beleives this is a selfish act by my family member and their fiance (note: they have been dating for several years and have 2 kids). I am standing my ground saying this is not a big deal but she says either they need to change their wedding date to after ours, we move our wedding date up to the beginning of june or we keep our august date but have 2 best men and maids of honor because she feels as though my family member has backstabbed us. Any suggestions? Am I missing something here? This is tearing apart our relationship.
Posted by josh43ca[/QUOTE]

You are right. This is not a big deal. This isn't even her family, and whether they have been dating for years and/or have kids is irrelevant. If she pushes your date before theirs to beat them, then she is no better than they are. 5 weeks is plenty of time between two weddings within a family.

Sorry, but your FI needs to step back and get a little perspective on what's really important about her wedding; marrying you or upstaging one of your family members with her princess day.

tlv204 · February 2010

If you guys do move your date up, be prepared for everyone you've ever met that knows both couples to talk about you guys behind your back for pulling such a bitch move. Like PP said, at least it wasn't a week before yours; that might affect traveling guests and such, but 5 weeks before you isn't really a big deal. She's just being selfish.

squirrly · February 2010

You are correct - it doesn't matter. Their wedding date selection is based on what works best for them - the same way you all selected your date. I have a friend who got engaged after I did but is getting married in two weeks. It's not a slight to us at all. If they were family, it wouldn't change anything either.

Had they selected your wedding date - then, yeah. That would be rude. Other than that - she needs to calm down. And, having extra MOH and BMs has absolutely no bearing on anything. At all.

brookelynpaisley · February 2010

I can't imagine her on pregnancy hormones. Yikes. I'd seriously reconsider how your fiancee deals with things. What if something seriously adverse happens in her life?

I got married before three friends who were engaged before us. It was no big deal.

EDIT: fiancee. Duh. I get so used to fiance around here.

betrothed123 · February 2010

Oh and if this is really breaking you guys up, that's a huge red flag for you. If you're truly serious enough about each other to be getting married this should not be a big enough issue to break you up. Seriously run and run fast.

sucrets4 · February 2010

I agree with everyone else, and am writing this so that you can see just how many people are on your side.

It's petty and ridiculous for her to want to get married first just because you got engaged first. 5 weeks is more than enough time in between.

And yeah, I'd seriously question how she reacts to something as silly as this if you're committing your life to her.

Arther007 · February 2010

Dump the cry baby.

DeirdreAnne · February 2010

You set a wedding date as the day you two will commit yourselves to each other, not because of who else is getting married before or after that date. If she's willing to change that committment date because of things beyond your control and THEN make it such a big deal that you question the stability of your relationship... I'm gonna go ahead and say you may want to reconsider who you're committing you life to.

beatlesgirl25 · February 2010

JOSH43CA: I hope you're not responding at the moment because you are reading her all of our responses.

jasmineh7777 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_conflicting-family-wedding-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:52489009-f05f-4e13-89da-7d23f44cd651Post:60bfc522-1ba8-41b8-b667-13433703e140">Re: Conflicting family wedding dates???</a>:
[QUOTE]Run to the hillllllllllllllls.....run for your liiiiiiiiife.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

HA!

kd.joseph · February 2010

Ditto,Ditto, and Ditto every answer you've received from PP. How old is your FI? she really needs to grow up and figure out that this world does not revolve around her.I'm quite sure in your cousins world they sat down with a calendar and thought ok when is the best time we can pick to screw up so and so's wedding.......NOT. You say they have kids, maybe June is better for them so they don't have to worry about working around school and such, or that's when their vacation starts.
You really need to reevaluate this relationship if she thinks THIS is a big problem.
Good Luck to you.

SarahPLiz · February 2010

ditto all the PPs. SHe sounds like a child. Do you really want to marry a child?

sucrets4 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_conflicting-family-wedding-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52489009-f05f-4e13-89da-7d23f44cd651Post:43c6b3fc-0941-43e1-8b01-4f0cdce56635">Re: Conflicting family wedding dates???</a>:
[QUOTE]JOSH43CA: I hope you're not responding at the moment because you are reading her all of our responses.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

This!

janedoe1113a · February 2010

I agree with everything that has been said. Your FI is acting like a bridezilla.

Blueyed228 · February 2010

There was just a post similar to this and the advice given then is right.

She gets 1 day, not a week, a month, or a year. The world doesnt stop because she is getting married. Tell her to put her big girl panties on and get over it. 5 weeks is PLENTY of time. They can get married the day before if they want. She is being ridiculous.

Mrs.B6302007 · February 2010

Your fianceE needs to learn that weddings are not competitions and needs to chillax. They can get married any day they want to, regardless of their children status. Sounds to me like she's saying they don't deserve a wedding since they've already procreated and if that's the case, you DO need to run.

draco sky · February 2010

She sounds like a whiney little biitch and needs to get over herself.

reddy123 · February 2010

have her read MrsB's P&E FAQS a few posts above ...

ZoeTheDog · February 2010

Josh I sent you a private message. If you don't know how to access, look in the left hand column under "Community Links" and click on "Private Message."

I have a similar situation...except the time frame involving my issue only TWO WEEKS - and I got over it!!!

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Ditto everyone else. She's nuts! Please come back and tell us she read this and got a reality check.

kimheartsscott · February 2010

Your fiancee needs to chill the fcck out. Did you pick your wedding date based on somebody else's, or because that is the day that worked for you? The second one? That is what your cousin did as well.

wcvsb3b5 · March 2010

Your fiancee is being completely unreasonable.. FI and I got engaged last May, set our date for Sept 2010. Since then I have had two cousins get engaged. Both are getting married in July. That does not bother me at all (although I don't necessarily approve of one of their weddings but that's a completely different topic...)! Likewise, it shouldn't bother your FI (especially considering the time gap..not like it's the same weekend or something!).

Conflicting family wedding dates???

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