Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?

Trinity1971 · February 2013

My FI and I are having a very small private ceremony and then a small dinner reception here in Massachusetts and in August we are having a bigger post reception for friends and family in Texas who will not be attending the ceremony here. We have wedding announcements which does not state we are having a reception of any kind but only certain people will be getting reception invitations included in both locations which will include where we are registered. We do not expect gifts from anyone at all but what do I do if someone who doesn't get an invite asks if we are registered and where? I would feel terrible knowing myself they were not invited to any function at all and they are wanting to get us something thinking we didn't have a reception.

Should I just tell them that we aren't registered so they aren't offended? What if they ask why we didn't include that information in the first place, what do I say?

I just think it would be rude to accept a gift when they were not invited to anything.

vanityink · February 2013

No no no no. You do not put information about registries in any invites that aren't for a shower. Crazy rude. You just answer where you are registered when someone asks/have it up on your website.

Trinity1971 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:18e76839-4b28-4b5c-b3b1-6b036223da82">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]No no no no. You do not put information about registries in any invites that aren't for a shower. Crazy rude. You just answer where you are registered when someone asks/have it up on your website.
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

No one is throwing me a shower because I don't know many people here which is why I was going to include it in the wedding announcement to the people who are invited to the reception. I don't really have a website as what we are having is really small. I really don't know all of the logistics of how things go since we aren't having the "traditional" wedding.

itzMS · February 2013

Ditto Jessica.

OP, the conversation goes something like this:

"Trinity! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I'd love to get you a little something. Where are you and FI registered?"

"Oh, thank you so much that's so sweet of you! We've created registries at Macys and Target. How's the weather?"

In other words...answer the question and change the topic.

vanityink · February 2013

Nobody is required to buy a wedding gift, which is what it seems you (general) are suggesting if you include registry information in an invite/announcement, etc. If you aren't having a shower, then you simply tel people where you're registered when they ask/tell your parents/family so they can tell people when they get asked. Registryinformation should be "pulled" from you, not "pushed" on people.

antibride2013 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:32b0acdd-cf1c-48e8-ae36-7af150a4c329">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't? : No one is throwing me a shower because I don't know many people here which is why I was going to include it in the wedding announcement to the people who are invited to the reception. I don't really have a website as what we are having is really small. I really don't know all of the logistics of how things go since we aren't having the "traditional" wedding.
Posted by Trinity1971[/QUOTE]

I agree with PP. Never ever include registry info in with invites or announcements. Extremely tacky and rude. Listen to the ladies on here for the logistics, they will set you in the right path for everything! Nix the registry info.

Trinity1971 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:19866a24-ada2-48e2-bf71-bca42465b3f4">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]Nobody is required to buy a wedding gift, which is what it seems you (general) are suggesting if you include registry information in an invite/announcement, etc. If you aren't having a shower, then you simply tel people where you're registered when they ask/tell your parents/family so they can tell people when they get asked. Registryinformation should be "pulled" from you, not "pushed" on people.
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

Okay you do make sense. I'm just so confused because everyone is offering their opinion and have said to include where we are registed with our wedding announcement since I will not be having a brial shower or anything like that. And no one suggested that would be rude to include it with the announcement which is why I came here to see what other people are doing. Thanks for the information.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:4165ae2d-19f3-47f5-a8a0-feb4482bf3f1">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't? : Okay you do make sense. I'm just so confused because everyone is offering their opinion and have said to include where we are registed with our wedding announcement since I will not be having a brial shower or anything like that. And no one suggested that would be rude to include it with the announcement which is why I came here to see what other people are doing. Thanks for the information.
Posted by Trinity1971[/QUOTE]

Extremely rude. Are the ones telling you to put it with with announcement the employees of the places where you are registering? They don't care about etiquette. Others just don't know.

Trinity1971 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:8bb1563b-0165-4eda-9f4f-d1c072badbce">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't? : Extremely rude. Are the ones telling you to put it with with announcement the employees of the places where you are registering? They don't care about etiquette. Others just don't know.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Actually no it's not the people at the place I'm registering. It was suggested by a few of the family and friends who will be attending either of the receptions.

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

Hitting people up for gifts is rude. That's what you would be doing by putting registry info in the invites. Not only that, but you are subtly saying "btw, price of admission to the event is a gift." Like your wedding is a circus, or a play, or something the people who attend have to pay to see. That is apalling, and probably not the image you want to project for such an important life event.

Believe me, whoever is telling you to do it just doesn't know any better, or isn't thinking things through. The family and friends who are familiar with etiquette will be disgusted when they open the invites and see a juvenile demand for prezzies. I've personally seen this happen to my cousin's invite. My mother straight out refused to go to her wedding because she was so offended. My cousin didn't get any gifts from her, where normally my mother would have given a monetary present.

mlg78 · February 2013

I'm a little confused as to why you don't already have your invites created, printed, stuffed and mailed by now if you're less than 4 weeks out...

You need to get on the ball...pronto (and I really mean about a month ago).

hoffse · February 2013

A few things.

First,like PPs mentioned, you don't put registry info in invitations. Otherwise it's like you're soliciting gifts, and I can tell you understand why this is rude.

Second, like Liatris said, announcements go out on the day of or day after the wedding. Basically, guests should receive them in the mail within a week of the ceremony taking place.

Third, try googling yourself - odds are, your registry will appear. And even if you didn't make a wedding website, if you registered at any national store (Macys, WS, Target, etc.) a wedding website will have been made for you and guests will be able to find it. I promise.

Fourth, remember that a gift is a gift - it's not expected and it does not have to be reciprocated with an invitation. So far we have received gifts from three different people who are not invited to our wedding - all of these people knew they weren't invited, they were just happy for us and wanted to give us a little congratulatory present. One was a girl I hadn't seen in a long time but sent something anyway - she lives overseas now. Another was from the parent of one of my dad's students. Our families are barely acquainted, but when their son was my dad's student my dad told them how nice he thought the son was, and guess what? They sent along a little something. The third is from the grandmother of one of my bridesmaids. In other words, you will probably get gifts from people who are just happy for you and that's fine - just thank them promptly and graciously. No need to invite them.

Avion22 · February 2013

If you are registered at a national store, then anyone who knows how to use Google will be able to find it. Other people might ask you or your parents/siblings, and it's okay to answer the question if they ask. Otherwise, don't include registry cards in the invitations -- it implies that you expect a gift.

Trinity1971 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:2300a1c1-696a-4cb9-a5e3-7524b6d627e5">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a little confused as to why you don't already have your invites created, printed, stuffed and mailed by now if you're less than 4 weeks out... You need to get on the ball...pronto (and I really mean about a month ago).
Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

Thanks everyone for your information. I guess I should have explained a little more as to why we are sending announcements before the wedding. First we just got engaged this January and are getting married in March. A majority of people we are sending the announcements to are from out of town and have "requested" an announcement before the wedding since a majority of people will not be attending and we will be having a post reception in August in another state. We have only a handful of friends and family here in the Boston area and the bigger event will be in Texas.

Our wedding is far from traditional by any means which is why I came here for advice. And I was not suggesting in any way that I am "expecting" a gift. I honestly didn't even want to do a registry since there is no one here to give me a bridal shower, bachlorette party, etc. But have been advised by friends and family members to set one up so people who would like to send a gift could. Even if I was having a traditional wedding I still wouldn't have wanted to set up a registry at all. I guess they suggessted that because things are so different with my wedding plans.

So I don't feel I have been tacky, rude or begging for gifts as some have felt with their responses, I was just asking a question. But thanks for your information it really has helped.

itzMS · February 2013

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:226d26ed-bd6b-4aa4-bbea-ed67a85fe861">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't? : Thanks everyone for your information. I guess I should have explained a little more as to why we are sending announcements before the wedding. First we just got engaged this January and are getting married in March. <strong>A majority of people we are sending the announcements to are from out of town and have "requested" an announcement before the wedding since a majority of people will not be attending and we will be having a post reception in August in another state. </strong> We have only a handful of friends and family here in the Boston area and the bigger event will be in Texas. Our wedding is far from traditional by any means which is why I came here for advice. And I was not suggesting in any way that I am "expecting" a gift. I honestly didn't even want to do a registry since there is no one here to give me a bridal shower, bachlorette party, etc. But have been advised by friends and family members to set one up so people who would like to send a gift could. Even if I was having a traditional wedding I still wouldn't have wanted to set up a registry at all. I guess they suggessted that because things are so different with my wedding plans. So I don't feel I have been tacky, rude or begging for gifts as some have felt with their responses, I was just asking a question. But thanks for your information it really has helped.
Posted by Trinity1971[/QUOTE]

Ummm. There are many things wrong here like PPs have mentioned. The announcement that you're married can't happen until after you're married. If your family/friends are "requesting" announcements (which is weird), they already know you're getting married...so a paper announcement seems truly pointless.

FWIW...I find all mailed announcements as purely gift-grabby. In today's age of Facebook and technology...if I want to know you've been married/had a baby/graduated/moved/got a new job...I will already know.</div>

Trinity1971 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:fd2e8ecd-4d00-42e8-91c3-58c334f9d007">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't? : Ummm. There are many things wrong here. The announcement that you're married can't happen until after you're married. If your family/friends are "requesting" announcements (which is weird), they already know you're getting married! FWIW...I find all mailed announcements as purely gift-grabby. In today's age of Facebook and technology...if I want to know you've been married/had a baby/graduated/moved/got a new job...I will already know.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

It's not a "Post" Wedding announcement. There are many many differnt types of announcements since things are done so far from the traditional way these days and I have looked up the information online and since we are having a post reception dinner that day we have to send something. Of course we notified close friends and family by phone about the engagement. I did not want them to find out via Facebook.

It is just not as easy when you have people out of town who will not be attending. I didn't post a question to get attacked and people may not agree with what I have done already but I most certainly will not be placing the registry information in with the announcement. This is my first wedding and I was just asking.

Fancypantsamy · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:1bc3b2a1-96af-4b4a-b4ab-5e3562ecd684">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]Tradition and etiquette are two entirely different things. Tradition is a set of customs, such as wearing a white dress or throwing a bouquet. One is free to disregard those at will. Etiquette is about good manners. It is rude to solicit gifts. Wedding registry information never goes in any information except a shower invitation. What you should be sending out are Save The Dates or Engagement Announcements, not wedding announcements. Wedding Announcements are exactly that.....an announcement that a marriage has taken place. They are sent out after a wedding to notify those who could not be invited or were not invited for whatever reason (such as business acquaintances). It is not appropriate to send them before the marriage, because there has not been a marriage. What if the marriage doesn't happen, for whatever reason??? You send out an Engagement Announcement to let people know you are going to be married, or a Save The Date to those who will be invited, to let them know to expect an invitation to the wedding if it's more than a year in advance. I don't know where you're getting your advice, but it's incorrect. Many people are ignorant of wedding etiquette, which is why a bride should buy a good book on it as soon as she's engaged if she doesn't. It has nothing to do with being "traditional." That's got nothing to do with being APPROPRIATE and CORRECT IN NOTIFYING PEOPLE. There is a difference.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Retread, this was poetry. A real work of art. Brava. </div><div>
</div><div>Can we just start tattooing this on Brides who just don't get it?</div>

MyNameIsNot · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-woeswho-gets-invitations-and-who-doesnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f1b1e4ea-3677-437d-821e-d91ed9ab6e81Post:e125d275-4a1a-4b16-9a15-a3df7285c729">Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't? : It's not a "Post" Wedding announcement. There are many many differnt types of announcements since things are done so far from the traditional way these days and I have looked up the information online and since we are having a post reception dinner that day we have to send something. Of course we notified close friends and family by phone about the engagement. I did not want them to find out via Facebook. It is just not as easy when you have people out of town who will not be attending. I didn't post a question to get attacked and people may not agree with what I have done already but I most certainly will not be placing the registry information in with the announcement. This is my first wedding and I was just asking.
Posted by Trinity1971[/QUOTE]

<div>It isn't a post wedding announcement. It is a wedding announcement. That means that it announced that you got married. It makes absolutely no sense to announce that you got married before you actually get married. </div><div>
</div><div>The fact that someone requested it makes no difference, but come on. You actually expect anyone to believe that friends and family who aren't important enough to warrant an invitation are actually calling you and requesting an announcement, and that they are insisting that the announcement be sent at an illogical time? </div><div>
</div><div>Your whole consolation reception for people who aren't good enough to get invited to the real deal is a much bigger problem, though. This is going to be a huge slap in the face to a lot of people. </div><div>
</div><div>No one is attacking you. The purpose of this board is to get help doing things right, not to encourage bad ideas. Your plans are a terrible mess. You need to fix it now, before you completely embarrass yourself and offend people you care about. The hurt that you can cause isn't easily undone. </div><div>
</div><div>If you don't care, go ahead and do what you are doing. If you want your wedding to be a happy memory, grow up and come back for some real help. </div>

allychase · March 2013

I highly doubt a bunch of people are requesting wedding announcements. That's such a random thing for more than one person to request. If they know you're getting married and know they aren't invited I also highly doubt they so desperately want a piece of paper reminding them you're married and they weren't invited. Also doubt they want it before you're even married. It's like, "hey! just a reminder you're still not invited to the wedding in a few weeks!"

Registry Woes.....who gets invitations and who doesn't?

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