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So conflicted. He's catholic, I'm agnostic and the family's disapointed.

afreedmaafreedma
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in Interfaith Weddings
After 5 years of dating I've recently become engaged. While the wedding is two years down the road since I will be doing a post-grad program out of state, I'm starting to get things in order now.

I have a huge family issues and I'm unsure how to resolve things. I feel terrible about the whole thing. Background: FI is Mexican catholic with EVERY wedding in his family being a full blown Spanish mass and huge Mariachi filled reception. Don't get me wrong, I love it! However, I'm White and agnostic and a girly girl with my own dreams for my wedding. His parent's are disapointed he wants to marry me and not a catholic girl. On my end of the spectrum my family is CRAZY. My dad (who passed away last year) was Jewish and my mother raised Christain. She is now buddhist, but her 9 sisters and three brother are evangelical Christains. The bulk of them are vey harsh and they do not believe Catholicism is as great at their brand of Christinainty. It's shenanigans all the way.

My dream has always been a great outdoor wedding--maybe a reception inside. I don't feel I'd be true to myself getting married in a church, and the whole idea makes me very uncomfortable. I've attended many a mass in my day and I'm reckognized as the "Jewish girl" although I do not practice. But, David keeps saying he won't be married in the eyes of god and I can tell he's conflicted. He is a religious person although he doesn't attend mass regularly. We're sort of on the same page in terms of what our wedding will look like, but I really want to do something more to show his family I do  care about their beliefs and I don't want to totally smash them to bits. I want my Christian family to be relatively happy, the Catholic family to be relatively happy, but overall I want to stay true to myself on my wedding day. I feel as if I'm dissapointing him in some terrible way, although he's known from day one I'm not catholic, nor am I baptized, nor is conversion in the question.

How do I show everyone that I want their beliefs to be reckognized? I don't expect my Jewish family to attend--they're on the other end of the country--so it's this whole Catholic/non-Catholic Christian dilemma. I'm a moral and spiritual person and I feel a little as if people are underminding me as if I were a heathen. I have no quarrels with our children being raised Catholic as long as their is an open dialogue about the many religions that exist and that not one is right or wrong.

Have you been in this situation or something similar? What would you do? Views as a Catholic or non-Catholic person? I'm trying so hard to be respectful as I truly do value everyones views and I completely understand it is very important to them, but my views and ideas and my wedding is very important to me. Much of my life the big things haven't gone right from graudations to important events and for me it means SO much that my wedding is a day that goes as planned, that works and is everything I've dreamt of for so long. With my father's passing this whole things become a lot harder for me because my family's a little disjointed and distant. I want things to go smoothly and I don't want feelings hurt.
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Re: So conflicted. He's catholic, I'm agnostic and the family's disapointed.

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    StaceyNWStaceyNW member
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    edited December 2011
    Elope.
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    bneillWed135887bneillWed135887
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    edited December 2011
    My fiance is a Jehovah Witness and I'm a non Denominational Christian. Our parents don't like our religion differences but hey whatever. They became to accept us getting married once we moved in together and told them afterwards we did it. The way I look at it is they can be upset all they want, who cares! I have people from my church telling me how people under different religions won't work and how its highly important and all. But here is how I look at it, most people who are even the same religion are still differnt bc they can believe or disagree on that relgion on its own and on top of that most don't work out not bc of it but of variety or differences so who cares!

    My fiance and I are on the same page as to showing our kids both religions bc it will be up to them in the end to show there are different religions out there. And I know our families will interferr in how we raise so also we are moving to another state when I attend graduate school which will help us become a family on our own.

    This is completely between what YOU TWO. What YOU TWO WANT. IF you want to be together your family shouldn't stop you which is why my family supports me bc they know I will. I would go ahead with the planning if they don't attend then that's their problem, this will still be your day. I've had my share of missing out moments but this won't stop me from marrying the man I love deeply and it shouldn't stop you either.

    All the luck!
    *Singing* I can see clearly now the rain is gone, its going to be a bright.... BRIGHT.... bright sun shinny day!
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    nomaderica22nomaderica22
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    edited December 2011
    I'm going through something similar, my FI's family is Jewish and mine is Catholic... He is agnostic and I am an atheist... At first we were going to incorporate aspects of both in our outdoor wedding, but due to his mother wanting to have her traditions present but not my parent's Catholic traditions it got to be too much... I decided we would do it the way WE wanted not anyone else!  If they don't approve of how we have our cermony than they really shouldn't be there at all... If they really love us they will understand that while it may be disappointing for them, we are adults and have our own minds to make decisions!  I wrote the ceremony myself, including one family member from each side to do a reading.  I think you need to be true to yourself so you will never have regrets about YOUR and YOUR FI's day!
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    minniehopelessminniehopeless
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    in these situations you are best with going with what's right for you as a couple, because no matter what people are going to be disappointed AND now they know you'll bend to pressure if you do what they want you to.

    So have the wedding you want, start your marriage as you mean to go on with your boundaries and self respect intact.

    We're having a catholic wedding because I am catholic, it means a lot to me and Bloke really isn't fussed about what he believes/doesn't believe but is very happen to have any children raised catholic. I'm sure his family will pout and sulk but its not their wedding. If Bloke wasn't comfortable with the idea of a catholic wedding it would not even be an option on the table.

    Your wedding is the first thing you do as a married couple, so it should represent you both and reflect the life you are planning together. Not what your family think you should have, or what his family think you should have. You are starting a new family with its own new traditionst.
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