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Donation instead of favors?
I don't know what the etiquette surrouding giving favors to guests is, but personally, i hate getting little chotsky crap that many people give out at their wedding receptions. (Kudos to you all if you've thought of some elegant, beautiful favor ideas) I would much rather have them spent the money elsewhere for the wedding or made a donation to charity.
My fiance and I are considering making a donation in lieu of favors and informing guests through little cards that there has been a donation made in their honor to such and such charity. I will be very thankful for everyone who comes to the wedding, but I feel that a fantastic meal, dessert, live music, and dancing are thanks enough for their travel.
Thoughts? Is this OK?
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Re: Donation instead of favors?
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]Donations to your charity is great for the charity and those who benefit from the charity. But it has nothing to do with the guests, so it isn't a favor to them. Giving to the charity in lieu of donations and telling your guests is LITERALLY telling them, "I was going to get you something with the money I had budgeted, but I decided to give the money to someone else, instead." You want to be charitable and unselfish? Take the money from another part of your budget and donate. And don't announce it. Also, what if any of the guests don't support your charity? Not the cause, but the charity organization itself. Or what if they don't support the cause, either? <strong>"In lieu of buying YOU something that you might not like, I donated the money to the Westboro Baptist Church, instead."</strong> Either don't get them tchotchkes or skip them altogether. But please don't donate money that would have gone to THEM to a charity YOU support.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
This is the perfect example! Almost everyone knows how cray-cray the Westboros are so I think you should always use this one. ;-)
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
As a guest, I personally would love to see that a bride and groom donated money to charity instead. Many people on TK totally disagree with that, though, and think it's tacky and unnecessary to donate to charity. It is not against etiquette, but many people are against it. I, too, hate getting little favors that I would never use, even if it is edible. I'd rather see that you donated money to a charity than gave me a chocolate bar. But that's just personal preference. You are not obligated to give favors to any guests so you don't really have to do anything. But just because I would love to see a donation doesn't mean your other guests would love it too.
[QUOTE]As a guest, I personally would love to see that a bride and groom donated money to charity instead. Many people on TK totally disagree with that, though, and think it's tacky and unnecessary to donate to charity. It is not against etiquette, but many people are against it. I, too, hate getting little favors that I would never use, even if it is edible. I'd rather see that you donated money to a charity than gave me a chocolate bar. But that's just personal preference. You are not obligated to give favors to any guests so you don't really have to do anything. But just because I would love to see a donation doesn't mean your other guests would love it too.
Posted by Amanda1443994[/QUOTE]
<div>+1</div><div>I too, am a favor of donation favors. It's a nice gesture to say you wanted to get favors but instead made a donation. Whoever doesn't get that or is offended by it has bigger issues in life, IMO. Been to many weddings that do this and there's never controversy, most ppl think it's a good idea :) </div>
[QUOTE]As a guest, I personally would love to see that a bride and groom donated money to charity instead. <strong>Many people on TK totally disagree with that, though, and think it's tacky and unnecessary to donate to charity</strong>. It is not against etiquette, but many people are against it. I, too, hate getting little favors that I would never use, even if it is edible. I'd rather see that you donated money to a charity than gave me a chocolate bar. But that's just personal preference. You are not obligated to give favors to any guests so you don't really have to do anything. But just because I would love to see a donation doesn't mean your other guests would love it too.
Posted by Amanda1443994[/QUOTE]
Not a single knottie has ever once said that donating to a charity is tacky and unnecessary. Most of us donate to charities ourselves.
What is tacky is announcing that you donated to a charity. This sort of thing is supposed to be private and people who announce it make me wonder about their motivation. It looks like they donated only to make themselves look good.
As for liking to see B&Gs make donations, I have to ask why. It's none of anyone else's business how a person or couple spends their money. If a friend has her checkbook lying out, do you take a peak to see if you like how she is spending the rest of her money?
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of favors? : <strong>Not a single knottie has ever once said that donating to a charity is tacky and unnecessary. Most of us donate to charities ourselves. What is tacky is announcing that you donated to a charity. </strong>This sort of thing is supposed to be private and people who announce it make me wonder about their motivation. It looks like they donated only to make themselves look good. As for liking to see B&Gs make donations, I have to ask why. It's none of anyone else's business how a person or couple spends their money. If a friend has her checkbook lying out, do you take a peak to see if you like how she is spending the rest of her money?
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
Clearly I was referring to donating to charity as a wedding favor and announcing it (since this is what the thread is all about lol) So yes, many people have said this. Not everyone has to agree, but personally, as a guest I would rather see that the extra money you had after a wedding went toward a charity or saving someone's life rather than giving me a chocolate bar. I've been to several weddings that did this and not once have I heard a complaint from any guests or anyone saying "oh that was tacky".
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: As for liking to see B&Gs make donations, I have to ask why. It's none of anyone else's business how a person or couple spends their money. If a friend has her checkbook lying out, do you take a peak to see if you like how she is spending the rest of her money?
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
I forgot to answer this question. It's not that I have to see that a couple makes donations, but in my mind, I was thinking of it as this: Would I rather receive a chocolate bar (or any other favor) at a wedding as a guest OR would I rather see a donation in place of a wedding favor. And I would rather see a donation instead of a favor. As I previously posted, favors are not necessary so neither has to be done. But if a B&G was choosing between those two choices, I prefer the donation as a guest.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of favors? : +1 I too, am a favor of donation favors. It's a nice gesture to say you wanted to get favors but instead made a donation. <strong>Whoever doesn't get that or is offended by it has bigger issues in life, IMO.</strong> Been to many weddings that do this and there's never controversy, most ppl think it's a good idea :)
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
ditto.
122
[QUOTE]That was obnoxiously passive aggressive. Just because I'd rather money not go to an organization in my name that I dont support, does not mean I have bigger issues in my life. It just means I dont support your idea to give a donation in lieu of favors. Either give a favor or skip the favor. Why do you need to be an AW, instead?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
I apologize if the comment sounded passive aggressive. I completely respect your opinion and I do understand it. I wouldn't like it if someone donated to WBC either. From my personal experience though, I've never been to a wedding that donated to what I saw as controversial organizations. They were all either cancer research and St. Jude's for Children. I don't understand how people can be against donating money to saving children's lives but it is possible and I'm sure some people are.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of favors? : I apologize if the comment sounded passive aggressive. I completely respect your opinion and I do understand it. I wouldn't like it if someone donated to WBC either. From my personal experience though, I've never been to a wedding that donated to what I saw as controversial organizations. They were all either cancer research and St. Jude's for Children. I don't understand how people can be against donating money to saving children's lives but it is possible and I'm sure some people are.
Posted by Amanda1443994[/QUOTE]
The donation itself isn't the problem.
But it's not a favor. Announcing it is inappropriate. Saving children is a good cause, but you should never assume the organization is something everyone subscribes to. And, no, not everyone will agree with the cause. There are some people who disagree with St Judes practices.
IF you are calling it a favor, then it ceases to be about you and becomes about the guest.
Find out which organization each guest prefers and donate accordingly. Then you'll be giving a gift to each guest.
Is that clearer?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation instead of favors? : The donation itself isn't the problem. But it's not a favor. Announcing it is inappropriate. Saving children is a good cause, but you should never assume the organization is something everyone subscribes to. And, no, not everyone will agree with the cause. <strong>There are some people who disagree with St Judes practices. I</strong>F you are calling it a favor, then it ceases to be about you and becomes about the guest. Find out which organization each guest prefers and donate accordingly. Then you'll be giving a gift to each guest. Is that clearer?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
<div>Some people equate chocolate with child slave labor since many young children are sold by their families to cocoa farms that produce chocolate. The point is...you will <strong>always </strong>have the chance to offend <strong>someone </strong>at your wedding, regardless of what it is you are doing. If people want to cause a stink, rather than sitting back and enjoying the reception, there isn't much you can do about it.</div><div>
</div><div>There are so many things my guests could disapprove of: The drinking of hard alcohol at our reception, our choice in music, our choice of buffet over a plated meal, the attire of my bridal party. It's your wedding. You can't please everybody. Do what makes you happy. </div><div>
</div><div>And, as for me and my FI, we might just <strong>really </strong>offend some guests and make a charitable donation to the Courage Campaign, which is fighting for gay marriage rights. I think it'd be great to honor my many gay friends that do not have the same rights that we do on our wedding day. Many people will not like this, but I'm pretty sure our family and friends will still love us no matter what favor we give them.</div>
Favors are completely unnecessary, so just skip them altogether. If you then feel that you want to take the money that was alloted to favors and donate that, privately without announcing it or making it the "favor," then so much the better.