Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?

shortgrass03 · October 2010

My fiance and I would like to get married this week, but still have our church wedding and reception in March or April. Does anyone know how this would affect a religous ceremony?

We have our reasons for running to the courthouse, but I don't want to disclose them here. We have been together 6 years, so we aren't rushing into anything. I just want to know if this will affect the religous ceremony, or how we could still have a religous ceremony in March or April.

Thanks!

Gismo123 · October 2010

I sort of disagree with the vow renewal people are talking about....I know if you're catholic....like a PP stated....they won't reconize your marriage until you have a "Religious Ceremony" performed by the church. If they don't reconize you as married to begin with I don't see how it can be called a Vow Renewal. If this is a debated thing in your family maybe you could calle it a "celebration of marriage" but imo I don't see any harm in calling it a wedding if no one in your family objects.

megk8oz · October 2010

If you get married at the courthouse, then that's your wedding ... going to a church the next day, next month, next year, etc. would just be getting a religious blessing. Even with Catholic weddings, if you get legally married elsewhere, anything after that would just be taking the sacrament of marriage with the church-not actually getting married.

I can't tell you what to do or not to do. But I can say that if you do get married this week at the courthouse, I would not recommend trying to hide it from anybody that you're legally married. There's a good chance your families might find out and get very upset that you covered up something so huge, as well as a 100% chance that the church will find out (They're going to want a marriage license to sign, which you will not be able to get if you're already married) and will most certainly not approve that you tried deceiving them, regardless of your reasons why.

lalap69 · October 2010

If you get married at the courthouse, that is your wedding. Talk to your church and find out if they'll be willing to bless your marriage after the fact, but you won't be having a wedding in April because you'll already be married.

LauraT25 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:f9f2cbb0-fecc-4acb-bac1-dd959453e4cf">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I sort of disagree with the vow renewal people are talking about....I know if you're catholic....like a PP stated....they won't reconize your marriage until you have a "Religious Ceremony" performed by the church. If they don't reconize you as married to begin with I don't see how it can be called a Vow Renewal. If this is a debated thing in your family maybe you could calle it a "celebration of marriage" but imo I don't see any harm in calling it a wedding if no one in your family objects.
Posted by Gismo123[/QUOTE]

In the Catholic church, it still wouldn't be a wedding. It would be a blessing (a convalidation), and they aren't always granted.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

One wedding per groom. Getting married at the courthouse makes the shindig in April no longer a wedding.

MyNameIsNot · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:f9f2cbb0-fecc-4acb-bac1-dd959453e4cf">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I sort of disagree with the vow renewal people are talking about....I know if you're catholic....like a PP stated....they won't reconize your marriage until you have a "Religious Ceremony" performed by the church. If they don't reconize you as married to begin with I don't see how it can be called a Vow Renewal. If this is a debated thing in your family maybe you could calle it a "celebration of marriage" but imo I don't see any harm in calling it a wedding if no one in your family objects.
Posted by Gismo123[/QUOTE]

<div>If this is in the catholic church, the later ceremony would be called a convalidation, not a wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>To get permission for the convalidation, you'd have to show a pretty good reason for needing to get married early. Wanting health insurance won't cut it, either.</div><div>
</div><div>A convalidation generally doesn't allow the white dress, WP, and other extras that you'd expect in a wedding ceremony either.</div>

lalap69 · October 2010

Wow, Meg. That's really strict!

We recently attended a convalidation at a Catholic church. The couple had gotten married two weeks prior in a civil ceremony because that's what they wanted, but it was really important to their parents that they have their marriage blessed in the Catholic church so they did. The only people in attendance were their immediate families and FI and I (FI was his best man.) It was definitely not a big shindig like most people would imagine a wedding to be. There was no poofy dress and as I said it was really small, but they were willing to do it. I have a feeling that something like that wouldn't satisfy OP though.

megk8oz · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:e1eb4645-8219-4ceb-aa0d-dbb5dc9c0c5f">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, Meg. That's really strict! Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

I'm not really sure how "typical" all of those rules are (Obviously, I can't speak for every church, or even every Catholic church), but I remember she was so upset trying to go through the process, because she really thought she could get "married on paper" and then just go have this traditional "church wedding" later on without any issues and it wound up turning out to be pretty much nothing like she planned.

The only thing that she got out of the convalidation that she had originally wanted was that the church recognized her marriage. I'm not saying that's bad, especially if church recognition is what's important to you (I'd like to think that would be the main reason for getting a convalidation), but at the same time, OP should probably be made aware if she goes to the JOP now, thinking she's still getting the pretty princess day of her dreams later on, that it might not actually go that way.

shortgrass03 · October 2010

Thanks everyone! I think my fiance and I have it figured out, and will probably wait. We really have no idea when the wedding will be, my fiance is not well right now, so yes - it was for insurance reasons. We want to make sure he is well for the actual celebration.

If you pray - can you please pray for my fiance? His life is not at risk, but he needs all the help he can get.

Thanks for everyone's help!

newbie_d · October 2010

In a way it does and in a way it does not. My Husband and I had a huge wedding planned and he became sick this summer so we were (married) in the hospital. Yes by law we are married, but would still like to have a real ceremony with the attendents and family and friends present. Depending on what the circumstances are I would wait if you can.

trix1223 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:ef35187d-5ee9-4b0a-bb77-5956fe1ec3f3">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In a way it does and in a way it does not. My Husband and I had a huge wedding planned and he became sick this summer so we were (married) in the hospital. Yes by law we are married, but would still like to have a real ceremony with the attendents and family and friends present. Depending on what the circumstances are I would wait if you can.
Posted by newbie_d[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry your DH got sick, and I'm happy that apparently his health has improved. But the wedding that you had in the hospital was your REAL wedding. It was not a PPD wedding, but it was most certainly a real wedding. Had his health not improved, and there were decisions to be made, you would have been the one making them because you are his wife. It has nothing to do with a white dress and flowers.

So whatever it is you'll be having, it won't be a "real" wedding. You did that in the hospital.

Gismo123 · October 2010

I disagree, you can have another wedding without the "Legal" aspect of it. I think it's stupid that everyone is so stressed about not calling it a "wedding", that it's bad etiquitte.....call it what you want...A wedding, vow renewal, celebration of marriage, ceremony of marriage, etc...I think what you call it should be the least of someone's problems. And I don't think it's lying to anyone by calling it a wedding...if they already know you're "legally" married how is it lying to them when you call your 2nd ceremony a wedding?

trix1223 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:88712196-5b7b-4f83-93e6-b733e8ed9a5a">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree, you can have another wedding without the "Legal" aspect of it. I think it's stupid that everyone is so stressed about not calling it a "wedding", that it's bad etiquitte.....call it what you want...A wedding, vow renewal, celebration of marriage, ceremony of marriage, etc...I think what you call it should be the least of someone's problems. And I don't think it's lying to anyone by calling it a wedding...if they already know you're "legally" married how is it lying to them when you call your 2nd ceremony a wedding?
Posted by Gismo123[/QUOTE]

Gismo: there have been a number, a large number, of brides who have come here saying that they got "secretly" married at the courthouse, but don't want to tell family and friends so that they can still have the PPD wedding. And that's what people mean when they say not to lie about already being married.

trix1223 · October 2010

msmerymac: I completely

you for that post. completely.

RebeccaB88 · October 2010

In essence... the place where you signed the marriage license is when you were married, regardless of when, where, or under what circumstances. The end.

jbarnes02 · October 2010

I dont think it affects it at all. The courthouse is only the legal part of your marriage. The WEDDING is committing yourself in front of family and friends in a series of vows. So screw all the people that say you only get one wedding. The courthouse and paperwork is all legal mumbo-jumbo and there is nothing wrong at all will getting married now and having a real WEDDING later.

jessinricardo · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:67cf6201-5828-48ef-8903-52269fd5f159">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think it affects it at all. The courthouse is only the legal part of your marriage. The WEDDING is committing yourself in front of family and friends in a series of vows. So screw all the people that say you only get one wedding. The courthouse and paperwork is all legal mumbo-jumbo and there is nothing wrong at all will getting married now and having a real WEDDING later.
Posted by jbarnes02[/QUOTE]
My thoughts exactly. I know and have been to many weddings - in the Catholic church - where the couple was married previously by law. This is actually the norm for most Mexican Catholic couples and I say call it whatever you want because it's your day, or days! Maybe the church you get married in will have a few restrictions but you can still make it a wonderful and beautiful day.

marinabreeze · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:7cee40eb-539f-4c63-bad4-f58126f3512c">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding? : My thoughts exactly. I know and have been to many weddings - in the Catholic church - where the couple was married previously by law. This is actually the norm for most Mexican Catholic couples and I say call it whatever you want because it's your day, or days! Maybe the church you get married in will have a few restrictions but you can still make it a wonderful and beautiful day.
Posted by jessinricardo[/QUOTE]

When you include other people it ceases being just your day (or days). And you do owe it to guests to let them know what they are being invited to attend. If there was already a JOP wedding, then the ceremony is a vow renewal, not a wedding, and so guests are entitled to that information before deciding on whether or not they will take time out of their lives to attend.

BTW, my understanding is that in Mexico, legal marriage is by law separate from religious marriage, so that's not applicable to this situation.

Anyway, I agree with msmerymac and most of the other pps. It's not "legal mumbo-jumbo" when you want to reap the benefits of the "piece of paper." People need to act like adults - make those hard decisions and take responsibility for the consequences of said decisions. You can't have it both ways. Either you're married, and reap said benefits of marriage, or you're not.
Don't try to devalue other people's choices to have a wedding by JOP by calling it not real and just "legal mumbo-jumbo."

Decide on the wedding you want to have for whatever reasons you and your FI need and want to consider, and go with that. Make sure you are honest with guests to the later ceremony/reception. And also, if you're looking to have a later ceremony in a church, be honest with that church and make sure you find out prior to making your decision if they will even perform the ceremony and what, if anything, will change. For jessinricardo, you may not consider such restrictions a big deal, but the OP and others who are considering going this route might. So I don't think it should be trivialized.

sjersey86 · November 2010

If you signed the paper your married. I am legally informally married but never the less married. We will be having a ceremonial wedding which in my case will be nondenominational but have been together for 5 1/2 yrs. now & figured why wait. I'm not sure if this would be considered the same as your case since we have not signed an actual marriage certificate but either way I would not go out & say I wasn't married just because we didn't have a ceremony or a marriage certificate.

andy71781 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_getting-married-courthouse-affect-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b91ca392-15f8-4712-a704-01676364c3d1Post:c52593d0-446f-4ede-beaa-eb16516d3b9a">Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you signed the paper your married. I am legally informally married but never the less married. We will be having a ceremonial wedding which in my case will be nondenominational but have been together for 5 1/2 yrs. now & figured why wait. I'm not sure if this would be considered the same as your case since we have not signed an actual marriage certificate but either way I would not go out & say I wasn't married just because we didn't have a ceremony or a marriage certificate.
Posted by sjersey86[/QUOTE]
if you are legally married you are married. it doesn't matter if you signed the paper - if you are legally married you are married.

Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?

Re: Does getting married at the courthouse affect the wedding?

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