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My mom and BM dresses!!!

jakstr0808jakstr0808
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in Moms and Maids

My mom is incredibly frustrating.  She thinks her opinion should matter for EVERYTHING for this wedding.  She already came once with all my girls during shopping but was totally picking out things that the girls could already clearly tell I didn't want.  She also sometimes makes my sister (and MOH) feel bad about being slightly overweight.  So any dress she didn't like she'd tell my sister "wasn't flattering" since she knows my sis is a little self conscious and won't wear a dress that someone thinks looks bad.  I think she should have no opinion and I just want to go with my BMs but she gets all insulted when I try to tell her that her opinion really doesn't matter because it's my "wedding vision", she doesn't have to wear it and it's just one more person to get to agree on a dress that shouldn't matter.  She is paying for the entire, very expensive wedding (and my MOH's dress) so I feel like maybe I have to include her and maybe I'm just being a bitch.  But I really want to do this with my girlfriends adn she has a completely different idea of what the dresses should be from what i want.   Does anyone else have this issue? Has anyone had their mom feel like she needs to be involved in picking BM dresses?

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Re: My mom and BM dresses!!!

  • lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If she is paying for the entire wedding, regardless of how expensive it is, she definitely has a say in different aspects of the wedding, including bridesmaids dresses, venue, decor, etc., and it is rude of you to tell her that her opinion doesn't matter.  Maybe you should calmly talk to her (not in the midst of a shopping trip) about what your "vision" is and let her tell you what she was envisioning.  You could look online together at different dresses, talk about what you like and don't like, and there must be a way that the two of you can come to a compromise.  If you want her to "have no opinion," you should decline her money and pay for the wedding yourselves.
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  • katieanne85katieanne85
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP, talk to her, set down your vision, show her pics in magazines, its her money, she is involved, but there will be far less drama if you and her come to an agreement before going shopping about what you want.
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-bm-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:20a72f31-e685-49d4-a79c-b76a0711b821Post:eedf4961-efeb-4659-914a-7a22633dfcbd">Re: My mom and BM dresses!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If she is paying for the entire wedding, regardless of how expensive it is, she definitely  has a say in <strong>different aspects of the wedding</strong>, <em>including bridesmaids</em>.
    Posted by lharri12[/QUOTE]
    I agree with the bold, but disagree with the italic, unless she's paying for <strong>ALL </strong>the bridesmaids dresses as well. I believe that the only people that should decide upon dresses are the bride and bridesmaids. The bride needs to ask individually what each bridesmaid budget is with the dress and they need to find something that everyone can agree on. The MOB should have no say unless she is personally paying for <strong>ALL </strong>the dresses, even if she is paying for the rest of the wedding. <div>
    </div><div>As for the rest, she is paying so she gets a lot of say, if you don't like that you can sit down with mom and try to compromise or tell mom "no thanks, i will pay for the wedding myself".</div>
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  • lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    AutumnFair - I have to respectfully disagree.  Her mother is paying for this wedding, including the maid of honor's dress.  Sure, she's not paying for the other bridesmaids' dresses, but because she is funding this whole shindig, she has a say in this as well.  I'm not saying it should necessarily be 100% her mother's choice, but she should have a say in it.  The OP sounded very rude and disrespectful to her mother when she said that her mother "gets all insulted when I try to tell her that her opinion really doesn't matter," when her mother is "paying for the entire, very expensive wedding."
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's very charming of you to tell your mom that her opinion doesn't matter, especially since she is paying for everything. That attitude is not getting you too far, is it?
     
    You have two choices: Change your 'wedding vision' to something you can finance without your mom's help. Or learn how to compromise with her. Maybe you and a few of the BMs could go to the bridal shop and find several dresses that you like that within their budgets. Then make a date with mom to help with the final selection.

    By the way, I am a MOB, who is contributing generously to the wedding budget. My daughter has never told me that my opinion doesn't matter, because she cares about my feelings. Maybe that is why I don't feel the need to insert my opinion on every little detail of her wedding.

                       
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