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We're eloping

runningmarerunningmare member
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in 40-Plus Brides
My BF and I plan to elope while on our vacation in June. We're both in our early 50's and both were married before. I'm divorced and he's a widower. With the exception of my two children (who gave their okey-dokey) we have not told anyone. I'm new to this site and I haven't found much info about eloping. I have a couple of questions... 

Do you think we have to tell close family beforehand? I thought we'd tell our parents after we got back and I also was planning on sending out annoucements with "celebration to follow".

and...

We plan on having the BBQ/celebration party sometime this summer for our family and friends. Is it wrong if we have a cake, decorations/theme for the party? Obviously we don't expect any gifts but I've read some posts that if you elope there is no reception. 

Feedback is welcome! Smile
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Re: We're eloping

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    Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2012
    I don't think you have to tell anyone, but ... if there is anyone very close to the two of your (parents, siblings) who would be hurt not to have known ahead of time, you might want to tell them or, at the very least, drop a fun hint or two.

    Have your announcements ready to go into the mail upon your return, but I would not include anything about a "celebration to follow."

    Keep your plans to throw your BBQ this summer.  Do you usually have a theme when you have a BBQ?  If so, go with it.  Otherwise, just plan to have fun!  Your friends will have already received your announcements and will be thrilled to congratulate you and help you celebrate.  Enjoy!
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    FSForeverFSForever member
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    As long as your kids know I think you are fine. 
    My Mother and Step Father Eloped and never told anyone until an anouncement at church on Christmas morning. The three of us kids that lived with them had no clue and were pretty upset that they at least didn't tell us. I am not a big fan of eloping if there is someone close to you that would be hurt by it but it sounds like you have it covered. 
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    We had a planned elopment, if you will.  (I know, that's not really the definition of elope, but still, it describes best what we did.)  It was the two of us, on a beach.  I have one daughter from my first marriage.  We told everyone that we were going to get married, so no one got butthurt over it, including my siblings, his mom, and close friends.  We planned on having a party when we got back from our weddingmoon (as they are called now) but never got around to it.   

    Our rationale was that we wanted a very private ceremony, and DH is an extreme introvert, so this was the best answer for us.  The people who really cared about us and know us understood completely, and supported our decision.  There were a couple of acquaintances (mostly from TK) who said things like "why don't you want to have a real wedding?  Is your Fi embarrassed by you?"  WTF?   Like a "real" wedding is defined only by how many guests you are attending.  ARGH. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    BeckyHusband2012BeckyHusband2012 member
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    edited April 2012
    My fiance and I are also having a "planned" elopement.  We initiallly weren't going to tell either, but once we decided to we felt much better.  We are in our late 30's.  He has never been married and I have been once before.  I have a child with autism who couldn't handle a wedding, and that was the biggest reason for our decision.  Some have expresed regret that they won't be at the wedding, but most everyone has been understanding and supportive.  Getting the word out with a blog has been good for us because it deals with all the inevitable questions.  I'm thrilled with our decision and can't wait to get away for our wedding/vacation in June.  I hope yours is great too!  Congratulations!
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    No one, NO ONE invited themselves to our wedding, so I think DotDash is off the mark here.  (Little pun there).  he he.    And to answer your question, Lucy, yes some of them are still around.  And one moderates a different board. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    runningmarerunningmare member
    First Comment
    Thanks for all your feedback...

    Way back when, I got divorced and then jumped into an unhealthy relationship too quicly and felt trapped by my circumstances. I FINALLY grew a backbone, decided it was bad for my kids and myself and got another divorce. I guess in reality I'm concerned about what some family and friends are going to say. The old "here she goes again" deal. Plus some of my BF friends and family don't even know I was married twice. So I guess I'm worried about the backlash from that too. It's funny, I should be old enough not to give a sh*t what people say but I still do. 

    I try to look at it like this. I wish I met my BF ages ago and I married him first (but still had my kids - wouldn't "undo" that in a zillion years!) but as we all know life isn't always simple and by the book. I think I value this relationship so much more because of the pain and trials I've had. In the past I've made some bad choices but I've learned from my mistakes and feel blessed that I was able to find someone so wonderful. Smile
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    cshulercshuler member
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    Congrats and welcome!!!

    We are also having a planned elopement, just the two of us in Hawaii. But we told everyone we wanted to celebrate with us when we return about our plans. I sent out save-the-dates for the celebration and the wedding annoucement will annouce the wedding and have the directions and response cards to the celebration. It is your wedding, do what you want. 

    Anniversary
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    scrappyrnscrappyrn member
    First Comment
    I too am fairly new, joined inMarch when we got engaged. We are getting married August 19, 2012. We were originally going elope in Vegas, but after doing some research I figured out it would cost about $1000 to have a Jewish wedding with a chuppah and I just felt that if i was spending that much I wanted friends and family there. My son has Aspergers so traveling with him would be a full time job for me. I couldn't bring my 21 y/o daughter without my son who is 17, high functioning but also bi-polar and very immature. The small wedding we have planned now has about 100 guests on the list and is at a pretty inn in my area. So basically what you chose to do is your business and what works for you. I am glad to hear you told your kids, I have a friend who's ex did not tell the kids and just told them when they got back ( they were teens at the time) and they were veery upset. I don't see anything wrong with "celebration to follow", maybe add a save the date with the announcement. Congratulationsx!
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    FreeSpirit666FreeSpirit666
    First Comment
    edited June 2012
    We are thinking about eloping, i think it's cheaper in the long run and neither of us is keen on the look at me theme lol, but if go the wedding way, then only 50 guests, max. I dont want to do a big to do lol. And if you want to have a reception, go 4 it!! No one has the right to make you feel it isn't 4 you.
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